A Guest Most Unwelcome
by Words Make the Story
Summary: It was supposed to work. It was supposed to be the plan that would have had the platoon finally meet their goal of conquering the pitiful blue ball of dirt they know as 'Pekopon'. But it backfired, and now the frogs and everyone close to them are about to have their lives turned topsy-turvy more than they ever thought possible by an infamous janitor from a parallel universe.
1. My Arrival

**... Hellraiser Janitor Presents...**

**A GUEST MOST UNWELCOME!**

**CHAPTER 1:**

**"My Arrival"**

* * *

Corporal Giroro stood amidst the chaos of the battle. It appeared to be an intergalactic war, as the races of the thousands upon thousands of its participants ranged from many different extraterrestrial beings in this galaxy to many others beyond it. The cacophony of soldiers attacking one another was almost as deafening as the explosives the aircraft were dropping. Guns blazed, blades pierced flesh. Everywhere he looked, someone was either taking someone else's life or biting the big one themselves.

Normally, this would not bother him. He was a soldier, damn it, he lived for this kind of thing! The rush of bringing down an enemy and the thrill of victory once the battle was over.

But no. Not this time.

For the woman he loved was in this battle, and he feared that she would not live to see the end of it.

And so Giroro ran through the pandemonium, occasionally making use of his gun by blowing away an enemy soldier when necessary. He hollered out the name of his love at the top of his lungs, desperately to find her, to protect her, to hold her and never let go. "NATSUMI! NATSUMI, WHERE ARE YOU!?"

"GIRORO! I'M OVER HERE!" he heard in reply, amazingly over all the noise. Her voice came from not too far ahead of him. He prepared to make haste, but his attention was suddenly diverted as a raspy croak then reached his ears.

"SOLDIER, ABOUT TURN! YOU WERE NOT GIVEN ORDERS TO BEAT THE RETREAT!"

Looking back, he saw a frog with a Commander's helmet resting atop his liver spot sprinkled head and a white handlebar moustache clinging to his upper lip, fending off wave after wave of his attackers from all directions with a microgun in hand, fighting alongside what appeared to be two others of his kind among the sea of flesh and death. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROGGY, THIS IS **_NOT_** THE TIME TO LOSE YOUR NERVE AND BUG OUT, SON!"

A look of utter confliction crossed the Corporal's face, but when his endangered flower called upon her red defender yet again, a decision was reached at once.

"YOU TRAITOROUS BASTAAAAAARRR-!"

The Commander's voice faded away into the rest of the discord as the Corporal, already going as fast as his stubby little legs would take him, tried his hardest to go against his body's limits and pick up speed. If anything were to happen to her... he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

Determination swelling up inside the frog, he let loose a thunderous battle roar that pierced the ears of his foes as he swept past them. "NATSUMI, BABY, DON'T WORRY! I'M COMING!" he called out.

A worried "PLEASE, HURRY!" was what he got back.

As he arrived in an area where more soldiers littered the ground than fought with their adversaries, that's when he saw her.

His beloved Natsumi, usually so strong, had been reduced to tears by some green, bug-faced freak who was straddling her, its left hand tightening around her throat. "I've been waiting for this a long time." it sneered, a smirk curling on its long, tapir-like snout, as it reached into its vest with its free hand and pulled out a heavy blaster pistol, twisting the barrel of the gun in the frightened girl's cheek as it prepared to pull the trigger.

"I DON'T THINK SO!", Giroro boomed, "**_EAT LEAD, YOU BASTARD!_**"

The creature stood up from the girl and spun towards the Corporal, but the Keronian was a faster shot, and his ammo was quickly depleted as he riddled the wretched thing with smoldering holes in a matter of seconds. Natsumi's assaulter then fell to its knees, a torrent of olive-colored blood flooding from its torso, and, with a very near inaudible grouse of "Damn it, I already went through this with Solo", collapsed, now just yet another casualty rotting away on the dusty terrain.

Ejecting the spent magazine and replacing it with a fresh one, Giroro then slung his firearm over his shoulder and rushed over to Natsumi, somehow managing to scoop her up in his tiny frog arms and carry her away from the scene. "Hang on, we'll be out of here soon!" he assured her. He desperately looked around, searching for something, _anything _that could get them away from the onslaught of danger that surrounded them. That's when he saw a sight that caused his face to split into such a broad grin he looked like a hyena who got a little too loosey goosey with a tank of laughing gas.

It was a conveniently parked hovercraft, not but twenty feet away from them. He ran over to it and placed Natsumi on, before hopping on himself. "Hang on to me!" he instructed. Natsumi nodded, and did as she was told. He started up the vehicle, and flew high above and far from the battlefield below.

. . .

The craft gently bobbed in the air, its driver having placed it in park. Instructing his love to grasp the stearing levers for balance, he slowly unslung the gun from his back and, with sniper precision, met both the missions held by two lone opposing calvaries hiding behind a bullet-embedded tank and mecha-jeep by imbuing the sand with each of their brains, before he brought the vehicle down in the barren desert that stretched on as far as the eye could see. It wasn't the ideal place for a pit stop, sure, but it was the first area that they had happened upon that was free of any violence and bloodshed - save for the two who had just gone the way of a certain bearded pekoponian US currency figure - for miles around; as they had discovered during their flight, there were many other pockets of war like the hell they had just escaped from, often scattered less than half a click away from one another.

He'd have to make this quick. It was getting late, as he could tell from the dropping temperature and the disappearance of the torrid desert sun behind the towering dunes, but he wanted to check if Natsumi had any wounds that needed attending. As the girl took her first steps off the craft, she stumbled down face first into the sand. "Natsumi!" the Corporal exclaimed worriedly. He hopped off and carefully flipped her onto her back. "Natsumi, baby, are you okay?"

Natsumi stared up at the little red space frog. Her beautiful, chestnut-brown eyes seemed to peer straight into his soul, and, to his chagrin, he felt his cheeks begin to burn like a freshly napalmed enemy site. "Yes", she replied, her voice as soft as silk, "I'm alright. Just tired."

The Corporal nodded. "I understand... But, I'm afraid there's no time for resting, soldier. We need to find ourselves a safe haven before night falls upon us."

An idyllic goal, but an unlikely, if not impossible one for someone who had no lay of the land, let alone the recognition of what planet to which it belonged or even the memory of how he came to be embroiled in this whole mess in the first place... the events predating the battle were all such a blur...

"Okay", she agreed, "But first... I want to thank you for saving me, Giroro."

"I-It was n-no big deal", he nervously stammered, "Just, uh, helping out a comrade."

"It's interesting though that you should think of me as one, considering you're here to invade my planet." she reminded him.

"... Um... well... We really should get going!"

"Really?", she asked, an amused smirk sliding onto her face, "We're all alone right now. I'd think you'd be desperate to _stay_."

Giroro was beginning to have an anxiety attack from all this. "I... I don't know what you're talking about!" he lied, desperately trying to sound convincing.

Natsumi fluttered her eyelashes. "Oh, I think you do." she cooed, as she gently wrapped her hands around his head, and slowly brought it down to hers. "Now, won't you please let me thank you for saving my life?"

Giroro couldn't believe what was happening. He had fantasized about this moment for so very, very, _very _long. But, as much as he longed for the girl beneath him, he had to stop himself from giving in. "Natsumi", he said gently, removing her hands from his head, "I… I don't think you're thinking clearly. I mean, you've just been through a traumatic experience, and, I don't know, maybe you're trying to cope with it by doing this? I don't know, I'm no shrink."

Natsumi processed this. Giroro sighed. "I'm sorry, Nats-" he began, before she silenced him by making the gap between them disappear.

After they broke apart, she simply told him "Oh, shut it, you stupid frog", and then pulled him back into another warm, passionate embrace.

Giroro couldn't believe it. It was like a dream.

"YO, CORPORAL!" a voice that seemingly came from all directions thundered.

* * *

The infantryman lifted his drowsy head up from the table he had been using as a pillow. He looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was in the platoon's secondary meeting room (i.e., the basement bedroom of a certain pea-colored and brain sized slacker), surrounded by the familiar faces of the troop pollywog, the voracious and puerile Private Second Class Tamama, the giddy Lord of Terror, Angol Mois, the flagrantly and incorrigibly flagitious intelligence officer, Kululu, the cardboard cutout of the courteous and, unless in the most dire of situations, pacifist assassin-turned-ninja Dororo, and, of course, that poor excuse for a Sergeant, friend, and organism, Keroro.

It _had _only been a dream.

"Corporal, would you care to explain why you were taking an unauthorized nappy during our _Invasion meeting_?" the peeved platoon leader asked.

Giroro scowled. The last thing he needed right now after the disappointment that he didn't really lock lips with his warrior princess was his commanding officer chewing him out, especially when taking into account that this cretin was notorious for making a mockery of his people's otherwise proud military.

... Although, he supposed his first kiss (from someone of the _female_ persuasion, that is) being just a product of his unconscious mind was actually a good thing... That meant he didn't really really have to betray his own to get it, right? He wasn't in control of his thoughts at the time... who knows how differently it would have played out in the waking world...

Pushing aside his inner turmoil for now, the Corporal took some deep breaths, trying to calm himself. It wasn't working. "I apologize, Sarge. I... was up quite late polishing my guns." he lied. In truth, he fell asleep not from fatigue, but rather the insipid drivel spewing forth from his leader's mouth.

"So, the reason you were so disrespectfully snoozing while I was talking was because you stood up past your beddy-bye? My frog, man, you're a Corporal. Show a little professionalism."

_What?_ That hypocrite had _the audacity_ to lecture _him_ on _professionalism!?_ "My god, how I envy you", began the would-be earth conqueror of the skull insignia after a moment of silence spent taking in a quick inhale of breath, "Because you must be the proud owner of some MAMMOTH-SIZED PAIR OF BALLS TO MALIGN ME FOR JUST RESTING MY EYES DURING A MEETING THAT'S NOT EVEN GOING TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WASTE YOUR DAYS SITTING ON YOUR USELESS ASS WATCHING THE IDIOT BOX, READING YOUR STUPID COMICS, OR ASSEMBLING YOUR GODDAMN GUNDAM MODELS!"

Giroro panted heavily, some saliva running down his chin. Keroro just stood there, eyes wide and jaw dropped. After what seemed like an eternity of uncomfortable silence, he finally managed to get over his shock. "Oh no you _didn't._" he sassily replied, waving his finger at the Corporal.

"Why Giroro? Why would you say such cruel, cruel things about Mister Sergeant like that?", Tamama asked, as if his teammate had just laid waste to their leader instead of tearing him to ribbons, "Even if they _are_ true, you keep them to yourself, frog darn it!"

Giroro shut his eyes in disgust at the incompetence of his platoon members. When he opened them back up, he was met with the unwelcome surprise of both the unamused face of Keroro and the face of Kululu, wearing that smug smirk of his like a tycoon wears a fur coat, being but an inch away from his own. "So, you think our invasion has been a total crapfest because of me, do you?" Keroro asked, in that rarely heard tone of voice that would remind them all just how he came to be their leader in the first place. The Corporal was feeling incredibly uncomfortable now, and cursed himself for letting his anger get the upper hand. He quickly nodded, causing Keroro to sneer and press his forehead to his own. "Well, _Corporal_, I'll have you know that I have come up with what could very well be our greatest invasion plan _to date!_" the Sergeant spat, before leaning away.

The red frog wiped the spittle off his face._ 'Oh, _this_ should be good.'_ came a sarcasm-dipped internal response. "Okay then, tell me, Keroro. How do you plan to finally conquer this rock?"

"Oh, we'll be conquering Pekopon all right, but not _this one._" the green Keronian cackled diabolically.

"What the hell are you talking about_?_" Giroro asked, suspicious.

"Sergeant Major Kululu! Explain!" Keroro demanded, snapping his fingers.

"Very well, sir, as you wish... So, tell me, Corporal, are you familiar with the Multiverse Theory?" the devious genius asked.

Giroro shook his head. "Not particularly, no."

"Kukuku. Why am I not surprised? Okay, well, since I don't want to liquify that feeble, pellet-sized mind of yours - at least at the moment - I'll spare you the long, drawn-out explanation and just give it to you in a nutshell: the Multiverse Theory simply proposes that ours was not the only universe to whom the Big Bang gave birth, and that we are just one in a set of multiple, possibly _infinite_ ones which have evolved alongside ours and together constitute all of existence."

"So, do you know what this means, Giroro?" Keroro asked, jumping up and down like a child upon their parents' bed on the dawn of Christmas.

"I understood what he said about the theory, but how is that at all relevant? We don't need to be setting our sights on other universes, Sarge, when we're still trying to subjugate this little blue ball."

Keroro rolled his eyes and face-palmed himself. "You don't get it, do you? Other universes means other Pekopons! And since we haven't had much luck conquering this one - not that that's _my _fault - we're gonna travel to these parallel Pekopons, and find an easier version of it to take over! Each one is bound to be different, right?"

Giroro couldn't believe his... er... you know, now that I give it some thought, I don't think he actually _has_ ears... so, whichever orifices he uses for the purposes of hearing. He didn't know whether this was a stroke of pure genius, or of utter insanity. "Kululu's already built a device to open up gateways to these other worlds! We leave for our first scouting mission in an hour! So, what do you think of_ that_, smart guy?" the Sergeant asked, beaming.

"Like all your ideas that aren't products of pure idiocy or predestined for complete and utter failure, it's genius, Mister Sergeant!" Tamama praised, his expulsion of laud somewhat muffled by the consumption of a chunk of a bar of sugar delectability he somehow obtained during the time Keroro and Kululu were with Giroro.

"Oh, Uncle, it's such a _brilliant_ plan!" Mois giggled, clapping her hands in delight.

"Way to regurgitate my sentiments_, woman._" Tamama seethed, an aura of a hue so densely purple it was going on black flaring up around him.

Giroro just stood there. He really didn't know how he felt about this. "Sarge, hate to burst that Kim Jong-il-sized ego of yours-"

"Mine's bigger and that petty, Beakman-haired hobbit knows it!"

"- But isn't this plan cheating?", the Corporal asked, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms, "Headquarters assigned us to conquer _this _Pekopon."

Keroro, having stopped beaming, narrowed his eyes right back at the Corporal. His hubris may have been damaged, but it sure as hell wasn't shattered yet. "Quit nitpicking, you trigger-happy... sleeping through meetings... nitpicker!" Keroro yelled. It wasn't the best insult he could have come up with, and he was sure he could have thought of a better one, had he had more time to be able to do so, but it still worked in aggravating Giroro. "Headquarters wants us to conquer Pekopon. They didn't explicitly say that it had to be this one! Besides, just think of how _easy _it would be to take over a parallel Pekopon! Sure, there are probably some that are war-torn hell holes, or already dictated by somebody else far more fearsome and powerful than we can ever hope to be, but then there's probably one like John Lennon sang about, with all of its inhabitants living life in peace. Just think of how we could rule over those stinking hippies! Kero, Kero, Kero!" Keroro cackled. Despite this, he could still sense a hint of skepticism. "Plus, if we invade a different Pekopon, we wouldn't sever any ties here." the Sergeant slyly added.

Giroro's eyes widened in realization. He could have his cake and eat it too!

As much as he hated to admit it, his Sarge had actually come up with an _excellent _plan.

* * *

In a few hours time, the platoon, along with Mois, were making headway in preparing for the scouting mission, all having congregated to the place where the line between reality and fantasy was a blurred and frequently crossed one, in which there existed no confinements to that constricting little pest known as the realm of possibility, and which served as the divine and deserving kingdom to its resident, its owner, its maintainer and its God; the mystique teeming with an even more foreboding sense of ominousness than Aokigahara and the Hello Kitty factory combined, Dexte- Kululu's lab.

The Sergeant and his subordinates - save for the resident "Josef Mengele" of the group - were dressed in their suits resembling those of Gene Roddenberry's famed franchise's 24th century-era EV ones, designed to protect the wearer from the harsh conditions of almost any environment, ranging from the cold vacuum of space to the salty leagues of the unforgiving sea, as together they gathered their supplies for the trip. In Kululu's hands rested a small device which bore a certain semblance to that of one which would pilot an RC plane, his spiral symbol printed on the antenna's small, circular tip.

"All right, men... well, er, frogs...", Keroro announced, planting his hands on his hips, "... Ready yourselves, for we are about to venture where no Keronian has ever dared venture before!"

Um, not to kill the drama here, guys, but this won't be your maiden voyage from this universe. You've left before. Remember, waaaaaaaay back in episode 24? When Kogoro first showed up?

"You could say, discontinuity?" suggested Mois.

Or, you know, just forgetfulness on your guys' part.

"Still, Uncle, you're so incredibly _brave_ for doing this, regardless of what Mr. Author says!"

I never said that he wasn't-

"Yes. Yes, I am." Keroro matter-of-factly agreed.

"Yeah, yeah, super brave!" Tamama also agreed, nodding eagerly. Keroro grinned, and gave a small nod of acknowledgment towards his comrade. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to satisfy his obsessed little friend. _'He always gives _that woman _more attention than he does me!' _Tamama inwardly howled with madness. He didn't even notice his face beginning to twitch like a victim of the Corporal's no holds barred dreamland kill-for-all with an ax embedded in his nervous system. _'Someday, I will make her pay for that.' _

The tadpole smiled manically, imagining all the ways he would one day make that bimbo Destroyer of Worlds suffer for always stealing the attention of his beloved Sergeant.

"I concur, for this _will _be his first time outside of his native universe; his and Kogoro's epic 'battle' actually took place on the interdimensional nexus between this world and our own."

Oh. Er, right. So... yeah. My mistake.

"Kukukuku. _Now_ who's the forgetful one?"

Well, it's not entirely my fault. Your means of transporting them there had a bit of a misnomer of a name, now didn't it? The "Parallel Universe-a-tron"? Besides, I didn't see anyone else standing up to correct me. And don't act so high and mighty, as if nothing's ever slipped past _your_ mind. I've lost count of how many times you've forgotten to mail me an invite to your potlu-

"I'm amazed at how relaxed, almost irreverent you are about crossing the threshold of another universe", Mois commented to her 'Uncle', so rudely _interrupting the conversation that was in place_, "Aren't you filled with just a scintilla of trepidation? Or even the tiniest bit scared?"

"_Scared!?_" Keroro laughed. He guffawed for a bit longer before accidentally choking on some of his own spit. After Tamama pounded him on the back a few times, helping him clear up his airway, Keroro continued. "I am a Sergeant. I devour fear for breakfast and let it be ripped to shreds by my stomach acids!"

"What a beautiful metaphor." Mois dreamily sighed.

"... Yes ..." Tamama mumbled, eyes narrowed, burning a hole through the head of the Angolian he treated like the antichrist incognito. He spoke softly, forcing down his rage. "... Oh so beautiful."

Keroro held up a hand to silence the two. "All right, as much as it pains me to say this, that's enough praise for now. I can hear it later, after the mission."

"Yes, do enjoy talking to yourself in the bathroom mirror upon your return. Kukukukukukuku..." Kululu chuckled.

"Oh, Kululu, you and your one-liners!" Keroro laughed, before his face darkened. "How I hate them."

Kululu shrugged and went on laughing.

"Okay, so here's how everything's going to play out: Kululu's going to open a portal to one of the alternate Pekopons. Then me, Tamama, and Giroro will explore it for about an hour. Then, Kululu will reopen the portal for us, and we'll climb back into our universe. Mois, you're going to stay here to ensure that Kululu does reopen the portal for us."

"Aye, Aye, Uncle, you can count on me!" the Lord of Terror proclaimed, saluting.

"Then we'll all take a little break, to relax, build a few Gundam models, etcetera, and after that, we'll head into another universe again", Keroro continued, "We all clear?"

"Yes, Sir!" the rest of the platoon, and Mois, answered.

"Excellent! But first, Tamama, Giroro, you'll need to sign these." informed the Sergeant, handing them each a crisp sheet of paper with several paragraphs presented in a tiny, almost illegible print, with a space at the bottom awaiting its recipient's signature.

"Sure thing, Mister Sergeant!" Tamama happily squealed, scribbling down his name. Giroro, however, was not willing to follow this order so blindly.

"What is this?" he demanded. Keroro chuckled nervously.

"Oh, nothing, nothing, just a - HEY, LOOK, COLIN HAY! - liability waver."

"WHERE'S HAY?" Tamama asked, looking around. Giroro just glared at the Sergeant. Unlike the Private, he wasn't weak-minded enough to fall for such diversion tactics.

"_Liability waver?_ Why would we need to sign one of these?" the Corporal inquired.

Keroro rubbed the back of his neck. "It's nothing, really."

"Then I'm not signing it."

"The heck you aren't!"

Giroro arched an eyebrow at his OIC.

"Look, it's just for the incredibly, extremely rare, near _impossible_ chance something goes wrong, like one of you getting seriously hurt, or Kululu's device malfunctioning and stranding us on one of the other worlds." Keroro explained.

"_What!?_"

"Well, it is a possibility. I mean, anything could happen out there. We could encounter hostile inhabitants, step into a world in the midst of nuclear war, or that's home to creatures thought to exist only in the minds of the deeply disturbed or Stephen King, or where the very laws of nature are inverted or all together nonexistent. And this thing hasn't even been tested yet."

At this, the Corporal's jaw made like the Times Square Ball and dropped. He, Keroro and Tamama were going to be its guinea pigs!?

"Look, the waver just states that you won't sue me if anything horrible happens to you... which it won't!", the Sergeant assured him, "... Probably..."

Giroro couldn't believe what he was hearing. What kind of idiot doesn't even test something like this first!?

"... But", Keroro continued, "On the off chance that something _does_ go wrong, you're free to sue Kululu."

Said frog immediately perked up at this. "Oh yes, please, financially ruin me. Punish me. Make me _pay_." he practically purred.

Giroro shot an abashed look at the pervert that was their Sergeant Major, before returning his attention back to Keroro. "I'm not signing this." he told him, and crumpled up the paper into a ball.

Keroro took a menacing step toward the Corporal, though was actually trying to seem as innocuous as possible. And while he would never admit it, the Sarge's secretly stressed out, faux-friendly smile creeped him out a great deal.

"Look, Corporal", Keroro cooed, "Just sign the paper." But his subordinate just shook his head, standing his ground. Keroro's smile vanished, a scowl taking its place. "Sign that paper!" he ordered.

"No." the frog obstinately replied.

"Sign it, you stupid motherfrogger!" an animalistic growl that would cause even the mighty timber wolf to run off with its tail between its legs leapt from Tamama's throat, trying to give his Sergeant all the support he needed to intimidate him into submission.

"Keroro, I fully support this brilliant plan that, by some miracle, _you_ managed to come up with. _But_ _you are out of your goddamn mind if you think I'm crossing over to another universe when you haven't even tested the device that allows us to do so in the first place, you idiot!_ I mean, seriously, is there even anything in there?" Giroro asked, knocking on Keroro's skull. "I will not venture into some parallel world until you are absolutely positive Kululu's device won't malfunction and strand us there!"

"We don't have time to test it out! We're going to do it now!" Keroro whined, stomping his feet.

That idiot just didn't understand. Giroro couldn't risk the possibility of being stranded on a different world. Not because he didn't think he could survive, but because he couldn't handle being apart from the one person he truly cared for... his warrior princess. Even if there was some parallel version of her on the other Pekopons, the Natsumi he knew was the Natsumi he loved. No other would do. The Corporal needed to convince Keroro to abort the plan, just until there was no doubt in his mind that it was safe. After all, if he was forcing them to sign liability wavers, he knew that disaster was a strong possibilty.

And so Giroro pondered. He needed to make Keroro feel the risk of losing something he loved as much as the Corporal loved Natsumi. Then it came to him. He knew how to stop Keroro, and it was all thanks to one of the things he had earlier chewed him out for wasting so much time with.

"Well, you know, Keroro, if we do get stranded in another universe... it could be one that doesn't manufacture your precious Gundams."

"**WHAT!?**" Keroro wailed, jumping what looked like a mile into the air and digging his fingers into his head in despair, a literal stream of tears gushing from his eyes. "Oh my god! Why didn't I think of that **BEFORE!?**"

Keroro fell back down to the floor, clutching his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth. Giroro looked on with disgust. "For frog's sake, pull yourself together, Sarge."

Keroro then leapt forward, flinging his arms around Giroro's legs. "What the - ?" uttered the startled Corporal, and before he knew it, Keroro was planting his mouth to his feet. "WHAT THE HELL!? Quit kissing my feet, you fre-!"

The ending of his sentence was halted as he made the stray observation that wherever Keroro's mouth roamed, it left behind a trail of slickness on his boots. "Wait... are... are you kissing my them with _TONGUE!?_ OH MY GOD! **_YOU'RE__ FRENCH KISSING MY FEET!_**"

Keroro nodded. "God bless you for warning me about the dangers of the other universes, Corporal!"

Giroro kicked the Sergeant off of him. "IF YOU EVER BRING YOUR LIPS ANYWHERE NEAR THEIR PROXIMITY AGAIN, I'LL... I'LL... AGGGHHHHH!" he cried in anguish, making use of the two guns that materialized in his hands via the interdimensional transport by unleashing their loads of hot lead on his tootsies' defiler.

Dodging all the diminutive projectiles, the living target then readressed his squadron. "So, change of plans, gentlemen: until we test out the portal-opener and make sure it won't short out or anything, I will not be crossing over to any parallel Pekopons."

Finally, he was able to make that dizzard see logic - hey, wait. The Sarge only said _he_ wouldn't be traveling to any alternate universes.

"But, don't worry, I still have the utmost faith in the both of you that you'll make it back safely." Keroro told his teammates.

"We won't let you down, sir!" Tamama promised, saluting Keroro.

"Hey, wait a minute!" the infuriated Giroro shouted.

Keroro nodded to Kululu, who, in turn, hit a red button, causing a pair of robotic arms to descend from the ceiling and grab ahold of Giroro by his arms. "You put me down now, Keroro, and maybe I'll only break your fingers for this!" shouted the furious frog, as he dangled in the air.

"I don't get why you're even worried, Corporal. Even if you do get stranded, you won't be leaving behind something you love. I mean, you _hate _Gundams."

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU TWIT, OR I'LL... I'll sue you for this!", Giroro threatened, "Yeah! Don't forget, I still haven't signed your damn waver!"

"Oh, I haven't forgotten. Not at all. Kululu! Have Corporal Giroro sign his waver, won't you?"

"Kukukuku... Of course, Sergeant. Clicky-poo." Kululu snickered, pressing another button.

"Just remember, Corporal... I _did _give you a chance to sign this of your own free will."

Another pair of arms came down from the ceiling, one grabbing the waver and pressing it against the wall, while the other placed a pen in Giroro's hand, then forced his fist to the paper and made him sign his name.

"Kero, Kero, Kero!", Keroro cackled, "Now, Kululu, be a dear, and open us up a portal."

"As you wish, sir. Kukukukukuku..." the mad scientist giggled, fiddling with his device. It was not long after that that the lab began to shake. _Violently_. Slowly, a purple, swirling vortex manifested before everyone's eyes. Keroro, Tamama, and Mois watched in awe. Giroro, in horror. And Kululu with amusement.

"Well... Time to go, boys!", Keroro declared, "See you in an hour!"

Tamama gave the Sergeant an extremely tight goodbye hug, placed his helmet over his head, and then approached the portal. The robot arms glided towards the otherworldly gateway as well, bringing Giroro ever closer.

As Keroro grinned with satisfaction, and Kululu laughed with pleasure, the four space frogs and the alien girl suddenly received an unexpected surprise.

"What the hell?" they all heard someone exclaim. Everyone froze. They looked around for the source of the mysterious voice, before it dawned on them that it was coming from the portal itself. They heard footsteps approaching. Tamama backed away, his eyes wide with fear. They could see the silhouette of a figure coming towards them.

"What's happening?" a frightened Keroro squeaked.

"It would appear that a being has discovered the newly established connection between his universe and ours, sir." Kululu answered. A thud was heard as Giroro's face collided with the ground, the arms having released him and retreated back into the ceiling... Cowards. As frightened in the face of potential danger as they are of commitment.

"Oh, hold me Uncle!" Mois cried, flinging her arms around the scared little frog.

Tamama did the same. "Protect us, Mister Sergeant!"

Sweat rolled down Keroro's face. "Well, quickly, close it up!" he ordered the demented little inventor.

"Just a minute, sir..." Kululu replied, as he started punching buttons on the device.

"No, _now!_" Keroro yelled, pushing Mois and Tamama off of him and dashing over to Kululu. He grabbed the device, trying to tug it away from the yellow frog with all his might.

"Kukuku! Stop it, Sergeant!" Kululu angrily ordered.

"Just make it close!", Keroro shouted, "Make it clos-"

The Sarge was cut short as he fell flat on his back, having managed to yank the device away from the stubborn scientist. He rose from the ground, and desperately pressed some buttons at random, but just couldn't work the damn thing. It was not long, however, before his eyes rose and settled on a new sight.

Everyone watched in disbelief as a man crossed through the portal. He looked to be in his late forties, and was tall in stature, with a full head of shortly trimmed hair going grayer than Gandalf's beard and a body clad in a navy blue janitorial uniform, on which was an embroidered badge that read "Sacred Heart Hospital".

The Janitor looked around, taking in his new surroundings. He seemed curious, but not amazed. "Hmmph." he mumbled. He looked to his left, and saw a terrified-looking green... _thing _resembling some kind of stuffed toy frog, along with a yellow one who was sporting spiral glasses and headphones. Both staring at him, he met their gaze, furrowing his brow.

"Kuku?..." Kululu mumbled in curiosity.

"_What? _Did you just call me _coo-coo?_", asked the irked janitor, "We literally just met and you're already labeling me as a nutjob?"

Utterly nonplussed by the arrival of this stranger, Keroro accidentally allowed the Sergeant Major's invention to slip from his grasp and be pulled to the floor by the clutches of gravity, where it broke. The Janitor then spun around, startled by a noise not too unsimilar to a clap of thunder and saw that the gateway into this strange, new world had vanished. His gaze then drifted to a teenage blond, what appeared to be the youngster of the group, a dark blue, wide-eyed frog, and a crimson one with a scar running over his left eye, all of whom were looking at him in shock.

"Hey", the Janitor spoke, as casual as if letting someone know that they needed to change a 230-volt incandescent bulb. "That swirly thing... well, it's gone. Is that a problem?"

But receiving nothing but their shocked stares, his face twisted into a scowl. "Oh, I see. It's because I'm a a janitor, isn't it? You don't talk to me, because you think you're better than I am. Well guess what? Just because you have a big, fancy-shmancy lab, and my daily duties include unclogging toilets and cleaning up puke, doesn't mean I'm a lower form of life than you. And, I have feelings, you know. And right now, they're feelings of hatred... towards you people." he said, pointing his finger at the toads and Mois. Still getting no response, he let out a bored sigh, before asking "So... you guys with the circus or something?"

_'He's... just a janitor'_, thought Keroro, _'Just a rude janitor from a different reality. I have nothing to be afraid of. _He's_ the one who should be afraid!' _

Keroro marched himself up to the custodian. "No, we are not with the circus, pekoponian janitor!"

"Did you just call me a 'Pokemon'?", the Janitor asked, in an offended tone of voice, "Granted, I don't know what that is, but I hear disrespectful little punks always flapping their lips about it. What is it? Some kind of STD?"

"I said 'pekoponian'." Keroro clarified.

"Is that some kind of slang for janitors nowadays?"

"No, I'm referring to your species." the Sergeant explained.

"What? I'm a human, pal, not some 'Porcupine-onian'."

"He said PEKOPONIAN!" an agitated Giroro shouted.

"Hey, I'm standing two feet from the guy, I don't need your help!" the Janitor snapped back, before returning his attention to Keroro. "Continue."

The green frog cleared his throat. "As I was saying, _peke-o-po-ni-an_", he said, breaking down the last word so that the Janitor would hear it clearly, "We are not from the circus. We are Keronians. We hail from the mighty Keron!"

"Saigon."

"What?"

"I do believe you meant 'Saigon'."

"No, I-"

"Go ahead, check a map... or listen to the Billy Joel song."

"Okay, first of all, I know the music of Mr. Joel like the back of my Gundams. If it weren't for his CDs that I stole from Doogie Howser-"

"_Dororo_." Giroro corrected.

"- I'm not sure that I would've made it through my training! And secondly, I was not referring to the Vietnam city; Keron is the fifty-eighth planet of the Gamma Planetary System, and the coolest and most superior and awesome one of the whole universe!... Second only to Planet Disneyworld."

"Oh." said the Janitor. He was becoming bored with the conversation, and stifled a yawn. "So, I guess you guys _aren't _from earth. That's interesting... I guess."

Keroro's jaw fell. "...That... that's _it?_ You're talking to _aliens_ here, buddy, and you just think that's _interesting?_"

"Yeah, I guess so", the custodian shrugged, "Why, should I not?"

"No! Wait, er, I mean yes, but you should be more _amazed _than anything! Perhaps even in fear for your very life!"

"Okay, I'm sensing that you all are a tad offended that I'm not gaping at ya' in awe, but you see, I've lead a long and interesting life, and frankly, a man who's broken the sound barrier, been in command of a ragtag army of pirate sea monkeys, and gotten into a bar fight with the Jersey Devil, among other things, isn't going to be that blown away by a band of extraterrestrial Muppets. And as for fearing for my life", he cracked a smile, "I'm sure I could take you cuddly shortstacks."

"_**CUDDLY!?**_" screeched the incensed Corporal, as another gun materialized in his hands.

"Well, to be fair, I_ am_ pretty darn adorable..." admitted Keroro.

"You sure are..." Mois and Tamama dreamily sighed simultaneously, causing the Private to shoot her a look.

"... But that doesn't mean we're not capable soldiers!", the Sergeant continued, "In fact, we've been sent here to Pekopon to-"

"Where?" interrupted the maintenance man.

"Oh for Christ's sake", Keroro grumbled, rubbing his temples, "_This planet. _We have been assigned to conquer _this planet _in the name of the Keronian empire."

"Wow. Big assignment."

"I know, right?" the frog agreed. But, fearing that this pekoponian would think that he wasn't prepared to conquer the earth, quickly covered up the comment with "But that doesn't mean we won't be successful!"

"So, have you guys just arrived here?" the Janitor asked.

"No, actually", the spiral-spectacled toad of the bunch spoke up, his pinky artlessly shoved into and digging around in his right nostril, "We've been here for approximately 49 months and counting."

"Wow. Guess you guys aren't as successful as you think you are." the Janitor snickered. The frogs looked like they'd been slapped across the face. Even if it _was _true... it still hurt.

"How _dare_ you say that about Uncle and his friends!" the outraged Mois yelled.

"Uncle?" the Janitor repeated, puzzled.

"Mois, please. I can handle this." Keroro told the girl, and then resumed his conversation with the custodian. "How _dare _you insult the ARMPIT platoon!"

"The _what_ platoon?" the man asked, laughing.

"It's our acronym." the Sergeant explained, rather embarrassed about it.

"Huh. Just when you think an advanced alien civilization wouldn't be prone to such oversight."

"You... you... shut your facehole, mister meanie!", Keroro demanded, stomping his tiny little foot, "You're a guest in our universe, be polite!"

"_Your _universe?" the Janitor repeated. He had to admit, his interest was piqued now. Keroro grinned smugly, glad that _something_ finally surprised this jerk.

"Kero, Kero, Kero!" he snickered. Tamama joined in with his Sergeant's laughter. "That's right, Janitor. For you see, when you stepped through that portal, you stepped into... a parallel universe!" he finished dramatically.

The Janitor's eyes went wide. "Wow."

"Yeah", Keroro agreed, crossing his arms, "Wow."

The Janitor glanced around the lab again.

"I can see that the floors in this universe are _a lot_ filthier. When's the last time any of you people mopped in here?"

* * *

**Author's note:**

**And... first chapter's done! And for those of you wondering, no, I was not on acid when inspiration struck me for this story, and no, I'm not nuts. When you're dealing with insomnia one night because you accidentally drank some caffeine with dinner, some pretty fucked up thoughts are going to be flocking to your head until you finally fall asleep at two in the morning (pardon the language... I know, 'morning' is such a coarse word of the English vocabulary, I'm sorry).**

**And now for some clarification: in order for this story to coincide with the Janitor's departure from Sacred Heart, it is set in 2009. However, as some of you may or may not know, while _Keroro Gunso _was set in 2004, because the english dub was released long after that, the time setting in FUNimation's version was moved up five years. _However_, since I do not want this to take place so soon after the platoon arrives on earth, this fic, while set within the continuity of the American version, will be set in the timeline of the Japanese, which ****would place it in the series' ********sixth season, as** the Janitor resigned in May of '09. Confusing, no?

**Now, this is where I would point out the glaringly obvious and inform all you good people that I own neither the brainchild of Mine Yoshizaki that is ****_Sgt. Frog _nor do I _Scrubs_ (shocking, is not?), but, thanks to the site's blanket disclaimer, that is completely gratuitous.**

**Okay, now that we've got that little disclaimer out of the way, please (and yes, I know that _everybody _on this site asks this of you) leave a comment.**


	2. My First Impressions

**CHAPTER 2: **

**"My First Impressions"**

* * *

Natsumi Hinata strolled down the sidewalk of a nice, quiet suburban neighborhood, on her way back home to her own house nestled away in the suburbs of Tokyo as she made her return from school; with its seemingly never-ending lineup of classes, and tests and pop quizzes given and homework assigned within those aforementioned mandatory knowledge-gleaning group meetings, combined with the drama of the lunch lady-crossing guard-traffic cone love triangle, the exposure of the resident blood spatter analyst's secret vigilante lifestyle (why there's even someone of that profession employed at a high school is beyond me as well) and the toilet safety puppet show fiasco, it all made for one very long and very stressful day, which, in turn, made the altitude of the spirits of the girl of cherry blossom-shaded hair quite high when it had finally ended, making plans in her head as she sauntered down the path of concrete to take an extended amount of time focusing on the unwinding and repose she so very much craved after she met her destination.

Little did she know, that goal would never come to fruition. But, we'll get to that in just a bit.

"So, by the way, Koyuki, I'm free this weekend, if you wanted to go shopping." she offered the girl with the feline smile walking alongside her. She braced herself for the hugging and the shouts of acceptance and gratitude that would most certainly follow, but, to her surprise, none of that occurred. "Koyuki?" she addressed, glancing back to see that the teen so thoroughly trained in the way of the ninja had stopped in her tracks, an uncomfortable look now on her face. "Koyuki, is something the matter?" she asked, concerned.

Koyuki stared down at her feet, avoiding eye contact with her friend like the plague. "Thank you for the offer, Natsumi, but... I'm afraid I must decline." she said, as guiltily as if she had just confessed to a crime so harrowing that receiving death would be considered getting off light.

"Oh." Natsumi said, a little hurt. Had she done something to make her friend, who - not to brag - seemed to love her more than anyone else, want to avoid her?

"I'd love to go some other time, it's just that I made plans with Dororo." she explained.

"Ah." Natsumi nodded. "And what kind of ninja stuff will you two be doing?" she asked, as the girl resumed her place by her side.

"Well, it's not really official ninja business, per say."

"Well, what kind is it, then? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's just... stuff." her friend bashfully replied. Then, something caught her eye, and pure exultation shone through her features as her face creased into a jubilant smile. "Look, it's D!" she exclaimed, pointing to the rooftops of the houses by which they were ambling. Indeed, cloaked in his anti-barrier, the Peko-friendly neo-ninja the color of the tears shed by his more cravenly victims and no doubt by the loved ones of all the souls whom he had 'expunged' back in the days when he still sported his birth name was hopping from roof to roof, before he made a leap towards and landed in front of the two schoolchildren.

"Greetings, Miss Natusmi." he bowed, before facing his fellow shinobi. "... And Koyuki."

Natsumi noticed that there was something a little off about the way he greeted his partner. Did she detect a hint of nervousness?

"Um, Natsumi? Would it be okay with you if Dororo and I had a talk, um... alone... for a moment?" the girl of the capability and experience of dishing out cessation of life to foes and the pink, floppy, almost Daisy Duck-esque hair bow asked the other.

"Sure, go ahead." Natsumi replied. She wondered why the two needed to exchange words amongst themselves, but, nevertheless, she would oblige to their wishes. "I'll just walk up ahead a bit." she let her know, pointing up the sidewalk. She walked a good twenty feet away from the pair before stopping, whistling to herself and rocking back and forth on the heels of her feet.

"So, um, what are you doing here, D?" she heard her friend shyly ask.

"I... um... just wanted to see you." she heard him answer, equally as shy.

"I'm glad you did." she heard Koyuki reply, glee in her voice.

"Well... um... I can see that you're walking Miss Natsumi home, so I'll just leave you two be."

"Okay. Meet you back at the shack?"

"I'll be there."

Natsumi stole a glance over her shoulder to see quite a perplexing sight: Dororo was awkwardly trying to wrap his arms around Koyuki's shins, in an attempt to give her what appeared to be a goodbye hug._ 'Huh?'_, Natsumi thought, _'That's a little strange.'_

Koyuki smiled and rolled her eyes at her companion. "Oh, come here!" she laughed, scooping the frog up in her arms and pressing her lips to where his were hidden beneath his mask.

Natsumi's jaw then rendezvoused with the ground. _'Okay, that's A LOT strange!' _her mind screamed, as she quickly tore her eyes away from the human and extraterrestrial's necking session and focused them back on the path in front of her. After the two broke apart from their embrace and bid their farewells, Koyuki returned to Natsumi, and the two continued onwards with their journey to the Hinata household.

Natsumi tried her best to act as if she had not seen anything that had just transpired back there, but her friend, ever the observant one, saw right through her. "You saw me and D back there, didn't you?"

"Um... well... I..." Natsumi stammered. She didn't want her friend to think she was some kind of peeping tom.

But instead, Koyuki just laughed. "It's okay! I'm not mad!"

"Okay then, uh, yeah", the bubblegum-haired girl nervously answered, "I did see you two... um..."

"Kissing?" the socially sheltered one finished her uncomfortable companion's sentence. Natsumi nodded her head, and walked on in silence. Koyuki gave her a puzzled look. "Well... aren't you curious as to why we were?"

"I... I don't think it's right for me to be poking my nose in your business."

"It's okay. I don't mind telling you!"

"Okay, _what the heck was that back there?_" Natsumi asked, causing Koyuki to giggle.

"Dororo and I... we've recently become a couple."

Very nearly stunned silent, Natsumi just managed to get out a dumbfounded "_What?_"

"It happened a couple of nights ago. I developed feelings for him that ran much deeper than friendship quite awhile back, only I lacked the courage to tell him, but he confessed that he felt for me what I was feeling for him." she explained, dreamily sighing as she recollected. But her contentment soon took a turn for anxiety as she took notice of her friend's expression. "Natsumi? What's the matter?"

"Er, um, nothing, nothing...", she answered, "It's just that... I mean, I knew that you guys were close, I just never thought that you two would ever be_..._ Koyuki, he's an _alien_."

The girl's face fell into a sad frown. "Well, so what if he's foreign? We make each other happy."

"I know, but-"

"Natsumi", interrupted Koyuki, who normally wouldn't have dreamed of doing such a thing to her were it not for the circumstance, "Are you trying to say that you don't approve of me and D?"

"No, no, that's not what I'm getting at at all!", she spluttered, followed by a string of incoherent mutterings, before she eventually calmed down and explained "I guess this just took me by surprise, you know?"

"So... Does this mean you _do _approve?" the girl of the forest asked with bated breath.

Natsumi laughed, slinging an arm around her neck, pulling her into a quick hug, before answering "As long as you're happy, how could I not?"

Koyuki smiled to herself, relieved; and while she wouldn't have left her new love even if Natsumi didn't, she was still her best friend, and was more grateful than words could ever articulate to have her support on the biggest - and most wonderful - change in her young life.

"... And, admittedly, I always did sense a spark between you two." her pigtailed schoolmate confessed.

"And now, that spark has become a fire."

Natsumi smiled, happy for the friend whom she had feared would be forever hung up on her. "I guess it just goes to show you that you really never know where you'll find love."

"So true. Why...", the ninja smiled slyly, "... It can even be in your own backyard."

* * *

Shortly thereafter, the two girls arrived at the Hinata residence. They waved goodbye, and Natsumi watched her friend's feet springing from roof to roof, racing to their owner's awaiting love. After she was out of sight, she walked up to the front porch, lifted up the welcome mat, and pulled out the house key.

_'Hmmm... Fuyuki's late. Wonder where he is.'_ she wondered internally, sticking the key into the lock. _'Eh, I shouldn't worry. He's probably with Momoka.'_

As she opened the door, she grinned at the thought of her brother spending time with the girl. It was hard to believe that even after all these years, all the adventures and good times shared, he was still completely oblivious to his bipolar best friend's obsessive infatuation with him (my goodness, I do believe the sapidity of this paragraph's irony is second only to the taste of death's sweet, sweet release).

Entering her suspiciously empty home, relief spread through her when she saw that, for the time being at least, the frogs weren't there cooking up their usual mischief. Then again, that was pretty much a guarantee that they were up to something in their base. Her face contorted into a scowl as she thought about them hatching some diabolical scheme which would no doubt serve her a heaping helping of misery in the process, whether by design or not.

Suddenly, she found herself torn from her thoughts and lying on her back after she entered the kitchen. She groaned in pain and cursed to herself, muttering how it was probably the dumb toad's fault, when an unfamiliar voice was received by her corti.

"Careful, wet floor."

Her eyes trailed upwards to see a man clad in a maintenance uniform looking down at her, a mop clutched in his hands, and her larynx produced a scream that would pierce any pair of the previously mentioned sensory organ of hearing.

"NATSUMI!" yelled her steadfast protector, surging forth from his tent and jumping to the handle of the glass barrior dividing his camp from her residence and sliding it to the side with the force of a steroid-injected Sarge and approaching her with the velocity of a fired RPG. "What hap-"

The inquiry stopped short when he saw her lying on the floor. "Natsumi! Are you hurt!?" emerged a new one, his voice now fraught with even more concern.

The Janitor, who did not particularly enjoy having a bloodcurdling shriek directed at him, glowered at the frightened teen. "Hey, you're no prize yourself, sister."

"What are you, _blind?_" barked the incredulous Corporal, as he ran to his fallen angel from under the stars and helped her up. He felt his face grow warm after the compliment slipped out, but, luckily for him, his beloved was too perturbed by the presence of this strange man in her home to take notice of what had orally exited from her not-so-secret but still unnoticed admirer.

"Giroro, quickly, call 119!"

"Now, just calm down, miss..." the Janitor tried to allay the girl; judging from her next course of action - dashing over to the stove and gripping a frying pan - I'd have to rate his success with a big fat zero.

"Don't you come near us!" she warned, brandishing the cooking utensil.

"Yeah, don't come near us!" ordered the custodian, addressing the scarlet, munchkin-sized amphibian.

"I meant _you!_" she clarified.

"_What?_", he gasped, scandalized, "You're threatening to use that on _me_, after I mopped your filthy, filthy floor?"

Natsumi made a mental note to herself to set up an appointment between her knuckles and the frogtard later. It was his turn to do the chores today.

"Who are you!?" she demanded. The man merely pointed to the nametag clipped to his shirt. Natsumi squinted to see the name, but saw that it only said -

"... The Janitor?"

"Hey, I have a _name_, you know!"

Natsumi wrinkled her brow in utter bafflement. "Well, what is it?"

"I'm not telling _you_." he replied, frowning at the now even more confused young girl.

"We heard screaming!" Keroro's voice trailed in, as the ne'er-do-well space invader appeared in the kitchen, alongside his personal lapdog. "And the tribe was about to vote off one of their own from the isthmus, so this _must_ be important for you to be interrupting _tha_-"

He was cut short as he and the Private slipped on the slick tiles, their faces soon meeting them as they landed flat on them. "Careful. Wet floor." the Janitor warned them, all too late.

"_Who is this guy!?_" Natsumi bellowed at the aliens, her patience wearing dangerously thin.

Keroro pushed himself off of the floor, and shifted his gaze towards the man with the mop, before returning it back to the pissed off girl just about ready to choke the life out of him with her bare hands, and chuckled nervously. "Well, I see you've met the Janitor."

She threw a glance back at the custodian, who gave her a wave in return. "Howdy." he deadpaningly muttered.

"Hey sis!", Natsumi heard her kin's voice yell to her from her home's entryway, "I'm home! Sorry I'm a little late, I was talking with Momoka!"

So her hunch was right. But Natsumi couldn't think about that right now, she was busy fending off an intruder! "Fuyuki! Stay out there! Don't come in!"

"Why? What's happening? I'll come in so you can tell me why I shouldn't!" he shouted back.

"No, don't!" she warned, but t'was all in vain. The frogs scattered as the boy with the head of hair as black as the eyes of the Grays and with that one, antenna-resembling strand rising above the all rest ran into the kitchen and, just like they had, slipped and landed squarely on his face.

"Oh for the love of - !", the Janitor exclaimed, "It's a _wet floor! _What don't you people understand about that!?"

Fuyuki lifted his weary, tile-imprinted head up, and his dazed eyes widened as they set upon the angry man glaring down at him. "Ahhh! Who are you!?" he screamed. His line of vision was then drawn to his frightened sibling, clutching a frying pan. "Are you hurting her?" the boy angrily asked. Before the Janitor could answer, Fuyuki pushed himself off the floor, and charged at him like a clingy rhino defying both his break-up and restraining order. "Get away from my sister!" he yelled, rapidly throwing punches into the man's stomach. Fortunately for the Janitor, they carried the sensation of being lightly smacked with an incredibly soft throat pillow whose feeling of its texture was accentuated by just being washed with what must have been a couple gallons of fabric softener.

"Yeah, the pain... it's just not there, kid." he informed the boy. But Fuyuki didn't quit, and continued to punch with every last single ounce of his strength. "Hey, stop it! It's starting to tickle!" the Janitor laughed. When the boy did not comply with his wishes, the custodian simply placed his hand on his forehead and extended his arm, keeping his fists a safe distance from his abdomen. _'Am I going to have to do this all day?' _he inwardly sighed.

Natsumi turned to Keroro, her teeth bared and her eyes filled with unimaginable rage. The Sergeant might've have wet the floor, if only that wouldn't have earned him the Janitor's wrath as well. "Tell me who this man is and what is going on, or I'm going to put your head through this pan, toad!" she thundered, although she was planning to make good on the last part anyway.

"Natsumi, we can explain everything", the Corporal assured her, "Just, please, calm down."

The girl stared down at the fierce, yet so innocuous-looking frog, and couldn't help but believe in his words. She trusted him, probably more than anyone else. "Okay", she said, returning the pan to the stove, "But I want answers. _Now, _Giroro."

"And you'll get them." he promised her.

"Come on, kid, seriously", she heard from the Janitor, and turned back to see him still easily maintaining a safe berth from her brother's extremities, "This is just getting pathetic."

* * *

"So let me get this straight...", the eldest Hinata child tried to process everything that had just been explained to her, "Because of some failed plan at crossing over into some alternate dimension-"

"Universe." Keroro corrected her, but wished he hadn't when the girl shot him a glare that chilled him to his core.

"... You idiots brought this guy into _our _world?"

Keroro, Tamama, Giroro, and Kululu and Mois, who had earlier joined the rest of the platoon, nodded guiltily (except, of course, for Kululu, who simply smirked). "Kukukuku...", he giggled, "That is correct."

Natsumi crossed her arms, glowering at them all. Giroro hung his head in shame. Even though he had tried to stop Keroro from putting his plan into action, he still felt responsible for angering his secret love. And her anger, as well as the disappointment in himself when he managed to rile it, was something not even his military training could have ever hoped to prepare him for.

"That... that..." Fuyuki's trembling voice cut into the silence like a knife into butter. "... Is so _awesome!_" he exclaimed, smiling giddily. "This guy's from an alternate universe?" he asked, pointing to the Janitor, who was still cleaning in the kitchen with broom's waterlogged cousin. "I have so many things to ask you!" the boy gleefully told the custodian, running toward him, only to, once again, have his foot slide and his face greeted by the floor.

The Janitor sighed and shook his head. "Perhaps I _should_ invest in one of those signs..."

"So, he's stranded here, then?" Natsumi asked the Sergeant.

"Just until Kululu manages to fix the interuniversal remote." explained the little green frog.

"And how long will _that _be?"

"Kukuku", snickered the little deviant, "We're talking about a device that is capable of establishing nexuses between our vast and ever expanding universe and other - until now, hypothetical - duplicates far beyond the reach of our own, for curry's sake!... So, I'd say a month."

"_A month!?_" Keroro, Giroro, and Natsumi all exclaimed. Though they had spent little time with the Janitor, they already knew that this was certainly not an individual they wanted to get to know any better.

"Yes, possibly even two or three." Kululu continued, the corners of his lips conspicuously tugging upwards in sadistic delight at their reactions. In truth, he could fix the device a whole lot sooner, but he actually enjoyed having the Janitor around; he had finally found someone else who shared his appreciation of the fine art of serving up heaping dollops of misery not even the deepest depths of Hades itself or a colonoscopy could produce to all those around him.

"Can't you fix it faster?", Natsumi practically begged the evil mastermind, "We gotta get this guy out of our world!"

"Hey!" the subject of conversation gave a small, attention-grabbing shout. "I'm not deaf!... Unlike my cousin, Merle. But that's only because his ears got blown off... Aunt Bertha always told him firecracker earmuffs were a terrible invention. But did he listen? No. And now he's got two gaping holes on either side of his head which keep getting infested by birds looking to build a nest and lay their larvae. Now he wishes _he_ was the one to fall victim to those sewer rabbits."

Appropriately, Natsumi arched an eyebrow at the man. "Why did you even step through that portal?" she questioned, suspicious.

"It was an otherworldly gateway that appeared out of thin air! Why _wouldn't _I have?"

"So, while we're on the subject of other worlds, how how exactly is yours different from ours?", asked Fuyuki, "Did Selleck get to play Indy?"

"No, CBS was as flexible in mine as I'm guessing it is here in yours", he told him, before using the bucket of mop water as a footstool as he softly planted his right foot on its rim and rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger as he stared off into space, pretending to be deep in thought, "But one thing's a sure alteration: we're free of annoying little Binyah Binyah Polliwog mutants."

"All the more reason you should've stayed put." Natsumi commented. Giroro looked up at her, hurt in his big, round eyes, before hanging his head low again. The girl felt an ocean of guilt wash over her. She hadn't meant that she resented _him_ living here; she was talking about that pipsqueak slimeball, Keroro!

"Oh, Giroro", she began, apologetically, "I didn't mean-"

"And another thing", interrupted the custodian, "In my world, people tend to not have hair one could mistake for a dormant flamingo, save for the 'scene kids' and those 'steampunkers'. But seeing as how you lack both eyeliner and Victorian garb, I wouldn't peg you as either. So, I'm just gonna ask you point blank: do you moonlight as a clown?"

"_What?_" barked both the addressed individual and her partisan at the inquiry.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of; many young women are forced into that kind of lifestyle just to make ends meet."

"_I'm not a clown!_"

"Oh, sorry, pardon the gaffe. It's just that I know some of your people, and they don't all prefer 'person of multi-color'."

"_Look, I'm just a natural pinkie, okay?_"

"Really? Oh, God", he slapped a palm to the space below his hairline , "I've stepped into that Charles de Lint novel, haven't I?"

Both terran and extraterrestrial beings rose a brow, before their attention was turned elsewhere. "Kids, I'm home!" announced a familiar voice, accompanied by the jingling of keys as the front door opened, revealing the voluptuous matriarch of the Hinata family.

"Mom!" Natsumi and Fuyuki both exclaimed, surprised.

"General Mom!" Keroro greeted, hopping off of the couch to pay his respects with a quick salute.

"What are you doing here?" her daughter asked.

"Got to leave early! Well, more like _had _to."

"Aw, mom", she smiled, feeling the strings of her heart being ever so plucked, "We love you, too."

"Oh, no, that's not what I meant. Don't get me wrong, you kids are my world, it's just that that coffee monkey we fired came back with an FN F2000-"

"Good model." commented... well, who do you _think_ would say that? _Babar?_... You know, he may not be on the show, but now that I think about it...

"-And took the floor hostage." she finished.

"Oh my God." Natsumi gasped, hands flying to mouth in the shock of it all.

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen, sweetie. I made it out in one piece, didn't I? Yep, thanks to a few of my co-workers 'volunteering' as human shields, you won't be living with Grandma anytime soon."

The surprisingly jovial woman's smile soon faded away, though, like a middle-aged man's libido, when she took notice of the stranger cleaning her kitchen. "Who's this?" she inquired.

"Oh, well, he's-" Keroro started, nervously.

"Why, I'm Fox Beckwith, ma'am!" the Janitor answered, in an exaggerated southern accent. He gave her a broad, almost game show host-esque grin as he approached her, extending his hand. "Pleasure to meet you!"

"Oh, um, likewise, Mr. Beckwith. Aki Hinata." the confused woman replied, carrying out social obligations and taking his hand in hers for a brief shake. The others were equally as dumbfounded. "But would you mind telling me why you're in my house?" she asked, before she suddenly came to realize that this man was in the presence of her family's greatest secret (sorry, Omi). "Oh my god, you've seen the platoon!"

"Aw, shucks, ma'am!", the Janitor waved his hand dismissively, "I've seen stranger things in my day. You needn't fret, I won't be yappin' 'bout this to nobody. And call me Fox, if'a ya' so choose."

"Oh, uh, well, thank you, I guess", she said, rather flustered, "But still, you haven't told me why you're in my house in the first place."

"Well, you see, these adorable little critters done brought me here through a portal! I'm actually from another universe."

"_Really?_" Aki asked, amazed. Now, if someone had told her this before she had met the frogs, she would have brushed them off as insane, high, or both (hey, some crazy shit goes down in those asylums, let me tell you). But, since they arrived, she had come to learn that many, many things others would consider preposterous sci-fi piffle or fantastical folly were actually a reality.

"Sure as raccoons make for some fine good eating!"

"Wow! That's incredible." she said, hanging onto his every word.

"Yeah. From what I've been able to understand, they were trying to cross over into _my_ world, but I crossed over into _theirs_ instead!" the Janitor explained, laughing at the situation. Aki did as well. Everyone else jut stood there, slack jawed. "And then, well, the good Lord knows I ain't no techno magician, like dem Dell Support people, but, from what I can tell, I guess some kind of mishap occured, and the transuniversal extension that brought me here went _adiós_. So, until they figure out how to bring it back, I guess I'm stuck here. Not that ya' all's world ain't beautiful or nothing, but it's just that I'm a little homesick."

Truthfully, he was anything but. He had left his life at Sacred Heart Hospital shortly after he learned John Dorian had. There was no point in staying if he couldn't torture that wiseass little penny-sticking door-breaker. No point in staying at that hospital, or in his world.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." Aki said, sympathetically.

The Janitor pretended to hold back tears. "I just hope my family ain't too worried 'bout me. They're a great bunch; there's my pa, Billy Bob, my ma, Bobbie Bill, my brothers Badger, Skunk, Wolf, Jub-Jub, Larry, and Darryl, and also my _other_ brother Darryl, and so on and so on..."

"Well, rest assured, Fox, until the platoon figures out how to return you to your own world, you'll have a place to stay here, with us."

_'Oh, god no. For the love of god, please, no!' _wailed the minds of Natsumi, Giroro and Keroro. Kululu and Fuyuki, however, happily grinned, as did the Janitor.

"Oh, I don't want to be a bother..."

"Nonsense. I insist!"

"Well thank you, ma'am! That'll suit me just fine!"

"Excellent!", Aki laughed, "Now, let me think, where can you sleep?... Well, If you want, you can take my bed."

The Janitor's eyes widened. Needless to say, the proposition to lay in the bed of some woman who looked like the real-life poster girl for Hentai wasn't one to be taken lightly, even if she wouldn't be in it. But, wait... she didn't actually _say_ she wouldn't still be sleeping there still, did she? _Was she trying to seduce him?_ No... his... his mind was just trying to unnerve him, is all. But still, a bed was a private place. Besides the periodic state of rest, he was well aware people often partook in... _other_ activities in it. And this broad had two kids. He would probably be laying in the spot where they were concieved!

He inwardly shuddered at the thought.

And besides that, he felt like if he did accept the offer, he would be being unfaithful to Lady...

The Janitor's thoughts drifted towards his wife. In the wake of everything that had transpired, he had forgotten that he did indeed have a reason to return to his world. _'I hope she isn't too worried about me.'_ he thought, remembering her irrational fear of losing loved ones... No, she was a strong gal. She would be able to get by without him for a little while, right?

These questions would have to be thought about later. Right now, he had to find himself a way to get out of the predicament he was in...

Wait a minute. Lady! She was the answer! The Janitor now had the perfect excuse to decline Aki's offer.

"Well, that's mighty kind of you, ma'am, but I _am _a happily married man." he informed her, pointing to the eponymous circular metal band on his ring finger.

Aki's face flushed when she realized what her offer must have sounded like. "No, when I offered you my... I hadn't meant anything like _that_... I mean..." she stumbled over her words.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry for the assumption, ma'am", the Janitor apologized, rubbing the back of his neck as he feigned embarrassment, "But if ya' don't mind, I would still prefer to sleep somewhere else. As much as muh wife is one heck of a lady, she ain't no stranger to jealously."

"Of course, of course." Aki nodded, pondering where she could put her guest. "Fuyuki? Would you mind a roommate?"

"Not at all!" the boy replied with an excited smile.

Aki turned to the Janitor. "Fox, would you mind sleeping in my son's room?"

"I'd be delighted to." the Janitor said, copying the child's facial expression._ 'Great. I have to share a room with the weird kid.'_

"Alright!", Fuyuki joyfully shouted, pumping his fists in the air, "I get to share a room with the man from another universe!"

"Fuyuki, please, he _has a name._" Aki gently reprimanded her son.

"Oh, right. Sorry, Mr. Beckwith."

"No harm done." the Janitor chuckled. _'I don't like you, nerd.'_

"I'll go get the room set up." Aki said, ascending the stairs, before stopping and turning back to the Janitor. "Oh, and welcome to the Hinata household, Fox."

"Thank you, ma'am." the custodian humbly replied, as he gave her a soft smile.

Aki matched it, then continued up the stairs. No sooner than the moment she had vanished from sight did the Janitor allow his face to fall back into its usual look of indifference as he walked back into the kitchen, where he grasped his mop and picked up where he had left off.

"So", Natsumi folded her arms across her chest, "Your name's 'Fox Beckwith', eh?"

The Janitor momentarily ceased his activity, and looked at the teenager as if she was a mental patient.

"No."

And with that, he continued on with his mopping.


	3. Their Conversation Under the Night Sky

**CHAPTER 3:**

**"Their Conversation Under the Night Sky"**

* * *

Giroro sat in the backyard, looking up at the darkened sky, his small fire casting a warming glow over him, contrasting with the gentle breeze that would tickle at his back. It was a nice night. Hell, a beautiful one. The kind that reminded the seasoned soldier of past ones where he would just watch the stars in his own solar system after he and his - some now fallen - comrades in arms had exhausted all conversation. But, unfortunately for the Corporal, tonight he couldn't enjoy the dazzling display of the brilliant balls of gas, nor the feel of Mother Earth's breath, the sounds of his fire crackling, or the fireflies rewarding him with a sight one might confuse for a sea of miniscule, blinking, planet-bound stars floating about in the air and dancing along the blades of grass; not with Natsumi's comment still stuck in his mind like the Sarge in the water cooler after his disastrous plan to scour the inside for sunken treasure.

Did the platoon really cause her that much anguish? Oh, who was he kidding? _Of course they did_. And while he often did everything in his power to keep her from being negatively affected by their plans, or even only participating in some when he realized that it would serve to benefit her in some way, he couldn't help but think that maybe she resented him as much as she did the others.

He turned his gaze to the kitchen window, longingly watching the family having their last meal of the day together. Natsumi had invited him to join them, but, as usual, he declined. He smiled as he gazed at the beautiful, young girl. This look of happiness soon contorted into one of disgust as his eyes drifted to the Janitor, who was laughing along with Aki, using his 'country bumpkin' act to pull the wool over her own eyes. For a fleeting moment, he and the custodian entered each other's line of sight; a smirk exuding the latter's complacency flitted across his features, before he quickly resumed his faux-friendly persona.

Giroro let thoughts of perforating him with lead, or blowing him up, entertain him. But, even in his own imagination, it was quite a difficult task to be able to wipe that smug look off of that man's face.

"Hey there."

Giroro was torn from his thoughts as he looked up to see the gentle, smiling face of the being he loved and cherished like no other. "N-Natsumi!" he stammered.

"I... um... brought you some food." she said, holding up a steaming, hot plate.

"Oh, um, you shouldn't have. But thank you." he said, taking it as she bent down to give it to him.

Natsumi rubbed her hands together nervously. Giroro, the back of his neck. "So... shouldn't you be getting back to dinner?" he asked.

"Nah, finished fast. I needed to get away from that obnoxious jerk." she said, jerking a thumb towards the laughing custodian.

"Well, shucks! You think that Goldie-locks and dem three bears was just a story? Naw, that really happened to a girl back in my home town!" he told Aki and Fuyuki, who were cracking up just as hard as he was. Natsumi and Giroro shook their heads, disgusted.

"Lying assh-" Giroro grumbled, before his words stuck in his throat, his body turning stiff and his face burning red hot as Natsumi sat down on the grass beside him.

"Giroro, you know that what I said earlier... I only meant about Keroro, right? Well, him and Kululu. And I'm not one of Tamama's biggest fans either... But, what I'm trying to say is, out of all the frogs, you're the one... well, that doesn't make my life a living hell the most."

Giroro relaxed and softly smiled, his burdened thoughts vanishing, before his natural inhibition (pardon the oximoron) found its way back to its person of residence and took over from there. "Well, thanks. But I wasn't fretting about it. After all, I'm the invader, you're the invadee, I'm surprised we've gotten along this well."

Natsumi grinned at her friend. "That's my red." she said, giving the Corporal a soft punch in the arm. After a few minutes of silence between them, she finally spoke up again. "Hey", she said slyly, "You want to know a juicy secret?"

_'You love me?' _Giroro hoped against hope. Natsumi leaned in close to the frog's face, causing the temperature of his blush to rise so much it began giving him second-degree burns.

"Koyuki and Dororo have become a couple!" she whispered.

Giroro mentally slapped himself. _'Well, that's what you get for daring to dream, stupid.' _He was starting to feel depressed over his disappointment, before the shock of what Natsumi said hit him like a chunk of debris raining from above in the wake of an explosion. "What!? They have!?"

Natsumi nodded. Giroro couldn't believe it. "When did this happen?"

"A few nights ago. Dororo finally mustered up the courage to tell her he loved her, I guess."

"Wow." was all the creature from beyond the sky could mutter, before he regained his composure. "Huh. Well, uh, good for him, I guess."

At this, the girl's eyes rolled like a load of laundry in the wash. "Oh, come on. You know, I may have told you your stubbornness is a big aspect of your charm, but the tough guy act becomes a bit transparent after awhile. Why do you boys always have to stifle your emotions? Can't you just admit you're happy for your friend?"

The Corporal responded with a shrug of his diminutive shoulders, before replying "I guess I'm happy now that I won't have to hear his whining about being forever alone".

Natsumi shook her head, with a barely audible sigh of "_Men_."

In truth, Giroro wasn't really as indifferent to the news as he had led her to believe. It was just an unspoken rule that real men never expressed their feelings, except, you know, for the manly ones, like anger, and... nope, that's it.

And, of course, there was also the issue of jealously currently being at the wheel of his emotions. He envied Dororo for having the guts to tell the one he loved how he felt, and, most of all, that she loved him back. _'No'_, he thought, _'I will _not _be that petty__.__'_

Before he was stationed here, on such a unique target, however, envy would have been the last thing clouding his thoughts; it would have been disgust. Disgust and loathing, in their purest forms. He would have felt that Dororo was betraying not only his platoon, but his entire race by falling in love with a native of the planet he was assigned to enslave. Of course, after he was saved from that bear trap by Koyuki and that ninja dog Zeroyasha, he had renounced his old life, changed his name to that of the forest in which he was rescued from and now resided, and made it his mission to protect the planet he initially came to to conquer. So, Giroro didn't see him as betraying the platoon, because he didn't really see the Lance Corporal as part of it. Plus, the steadfast soldier had managed to have his own views about this matter change as well, as he had done the exact same thing as the invader-turned-protector had: he had fallen for the enemy.

"You know, I always sensed something between them", Natsumi told her companion, interrupting his thoughts, "Still, it doesn't lessen the shock that they're together now."

"If you say so." Giroro said. Natsumi gazed up at the stars, and let out a small sigh.

"I wish I could stay out here all night."

Giroro did too. He really, really did. He would've loved just spending the night star-gazing with his warrior princess. "I... I...", he stuttered, "I... wouldn't recommend it. You need a full night's rest. And it's none too comfortable out here."

"I don't know", Natsumi said, lying down on the grass, "I'm pretty comfortable."

Giroro tried to speak, but every time he opened his mouth, only tongued-tied gibberish poured out. After he managed to calm down, he desperately tried to think of something to say to change the mood. "You know... staying out here doesn't mean you won't have to deal with him eventually." he said, sending a nod over to the direction of the Janitor.

Natsumi sighed. "I know. But it's nice to get away from that dick for a little while."

"Agreed." Giroro nodded, nerves creeping up again.

"... But he's sleeping in Fuyuki's room tonight, so I guess I can just go to bed. He can't bother me there."

Even though she did come out here to apologize to her friend and partly give herself a break from the Janitor, something deep inside the young girl told her that even if she hadn't unintentionally hurt Giroro, or if the Janitor wasn't here, she would still want to spend the night out here with her red defender anyway.

"Well, goodnight, Giroro." she said, her hand affectionately patting him upon his maroon cap.

"Goodnight, my lo- um, N-Natsumi."

With one last smile he prayed would last him until morning, she got up, and walked the short journey back to her house. As soon as her back was facing him, an expression conveying his deep and undying love for the girl so very unaware of his true feelings swept over the Corporal. Still grinning to himself like a besmitten puppy, he unzipped his tent and turned in for the night.

But while Giroro may have thought he kept that amorous look to himself, someone managed to catch a glimpse of it.

The absolute last person who should have.

_'Well, well, well. Looks like the army man's got himself a case of the love bug.'_ mentally observed the Janitor.


	4. My Breakfast with the Corporal

**CHAPTER 4:**

**"My Breakfast with the Corporal"**

* * *

"FUYUKI! BREAKFAST!" Natsumi, dressed in her school uniform, called out, her voice carrying throughout the house. "HURRY UP, OR YOU WON'T GET ANY!"

"Coming, sis!" the boy called back, racing down the stairs while also working on tying the tie around his collar.

"Kero, Kero, Kero! Breakfast!" Natsumi heard the stupid toad happily sing, as he skipped into the kitchen, pulled out a chair, and hopped on it, eagerly awaiting for his plate of food to come.

"And what are _you _so happy about?" the girl coldly asked.

While Natsumi's cooking had earned a special place in the Sergeant's heart, there was another reason why he was filled to the brim with such gleeful delight. "Oh, Natsumi, in the hustle and bustle of everything lately, did you forget that you have big girl responsibilities today?" he mockingly asked. "Well then, allow me to be your reminder: it's your turn to take lady manual labor for a spin!" the frog cackled. Natsumi scowled at the little pest, before her face lit up like the Sumidagawa Fireworks Festival as she was reminded of something that she needed to take care of.

"Well, might as well check off something on that to-do list of mine while I can!"

"Attagirl! Now, once you serve me breakfast, you can give my scalp the messagin' it so direly nee-"

Keroro was cut short as the girl's fist rocketed into his face, sending him and his chair to the ground. The frog groaned, moaning something about a shattered 'shpadoinkle', as blood ran from both nostrils and mouth and down chin, dripping to the floor; the droplets of bodily fluid were then joined by a fistful of hacked up teeth. "Wha... What was _that _for?" he whimpered.

"For having the Janitor clean the kitchen yesterday, when it was _your _turn to do the chores." she answered, a triumphant smirk planted on her smug face.

"B-But I didn't ask him to! He just started doing it!" the frog protested.

"Oh. Well then, glad we got that cleared up."

Keroro mumbled profanities as he set his chair back up, and hopped back on, only for Natsumi to send him down again. "Why? _Why!?_" he asked, tears crawling down his throbbing cheeks.

"_That's _for not stopping him."

"Are you kidding me!? I wasn't going to piss off _that_ guy!"

Natsumi shook her head at the foolish frog. "Well, guess you'll have to decide who you're more afraid of: me or him?"

Keroro pondered this for a moment, before wearily answering "You."

Natsumi was surprised by this. The dumb toad actually had to _think _about it?

Guess she had some competition.

Natsumi saw her brother running towards the kitchen, but he stopped before he entered, cautiously feeling the floor with his foot to see if it was wet. Feeling that it was not, he stepped in, and sat down at the table, followed by the Janitor. "Well, shucks!", the custodian exclaimed, "This looks like one mighty fine breakfas-"

"Mom's not here", Natsumi informed him, "She already left for work."

"Oh, good." the Janitor said, dropping the act. Natsumi noticed his wrinkled uniform.

"Did you sleep in that?" she asked.

"Yes." he answered, in a "none of your beeswax" tone.

She scowled at him, but decided to let it go. Then, an idea struck her on how to make breakfast a little less unbearable. She slid open the back door, seeing the familiar sight of Giroro sitting outside his tent, polishing his guns.

"Giroro! Why don't you join us for breakfast?" she called out to him.

Giroro looked up from his polishing. "Um, I appreciate the offer, Natsumi, but I'm already preoccupied here."

"Oh, come on!" she laughed, while subtly gesturing her head to the Janitor. Giroro understood immediately.

"Uh, yeah, sure, guess it wouldn't hurt to have some breakfast with everyone else, for once." he said, with a shrug of his small shoulders.

The Corporal put his guns away and came inside the house, grabbing the chair opposite of the Janitor. The man and the space frog glared at each other, each sizing the other up. Natsumi placed a plate of food in front of Fuyuki, then Giroro, then Keroro, and then the Janitor, slightly slamming his down on the table as she did. She then grabbed a plate for herself. The two Hinatas, while not stuffing their faces, ate fast, as school would be starting soon. Keroro, on the other hand, was stuffing his face like the greedy pig he was, while Giroro and the Janitor ate slowly, both locked in an intense stare down.

_'What the hell is going on in that psychotic bastard's head?...' _the Corporal wondered to himself.

_'Okay, seriously, where did the frogs get those awesome hats from?' _thought the Janitor.

After Natsumi and Fuyuki finished their meals, they took their dishes to the sink, and ran out of the house, waving their goodbyes. "Bye Sarge! Corporal! Janitor!" Fuyuki called out.

"See you later, Tofuki and Tsunami!" the Janitor called back, half-heartedly.

"It's _Fuy_uki and _Natsumi!_" Natsumi growled. The Janitor just shrugged and waved her off. "See you later, Giroro!" the girl said, as she closed the front door.

"Bye Natsumi! Thank you for the breakfast! It was fit for a 4 Star General!" Giroro called back. He smiled to himself, in a good mood after having spent some time with his secret love.

"Yes, I bet you absolutely _loved_ her breakfast, Corporal." the Janitor snickered.

Giroro's good mood instantly dissipated as he turned back towards the custodian. "Yeah, I did. It was great."

"I'm sure you thought so."

"You're right, I did. Because it _was_."

"Ken-Ron-Roy?", the Janitor addressed Keroro, "Would you mind giving me and the Corporal a minute alone?"

"Um, okay, well, my name's 'Keroro', not 'Ken-Ron-Roy'-"

"Like I care."

"... And while I do have a brand spanking new Gundam model waiting for me in my room, just begging to be assembled, I haven't finished breakfast yet. A frog's gotta have a full belly, am I right?"

"I don't think you _understand_, Kermit", the Janitor hissed, "If you're not out of here in the next five seconds, you won't be singing about how it ain't easy being green. No, you'll be wailing about being black and blue."

Keroro shrank in his chair. "Well, okay. I g-guess I can just bring my plate into my room-"

"No. I don't want you getting crumbs in there." snapped the custodian.

"Well, you don't have to worry about cleaning up. It's Natsumi's turn to do the chores today." the frog informed him, laughing nervously. The Janitor just glared at him.

"Good to know. But I still gave you an order. Which you disobeyed."

Keroro gripped his chair in fright.

"... But it's okay. I have a compromise. I want you to leave, right? And you want to eat first?"

Keroro sheepishly nodded.

"Well then, here's what we'll do. Open wide and say 'Ah'." instructed the Janitor.

Keroro hesitated, but another glare from the custodian was enough to convince him to do what he was told. Once he did, the Janitor shoved the frog's head into his plate. When he lifted it up, Keroro's whole breakfast was packed in his mouth. The Janitor shut the toad's mouth with his hands, then made a fist and slammed it on top of his head. The force from the punch caused Keroro's breakfast to all go down in just one swallow. The Sergeant spluttered and coughed afterwards, before weakly asking the Janitor "May I please have a glass of water?"

"May I please have a glass of water, _what_?"

"May I please have a glass of water, _sir_?" he asked, desperately. The Janitor gave him the thumbs up.

"Bingo! The magic word!... But no." And with that, he grabbed the Sarge, and flung him right out of the kitchen. He then sat back down in his seat and turned towards the shocked Corporal.

"How _dare_ you! You haven't earned the right to beat up my commanding officer yet!" Giroro yelled, slamming his fists on the table.

"Enough of the small talk, fangy."

"What is this about?" the Corporal barked. The Janitor just smiled.

"This, Corporal, is about you having the hots for your lilac-headed friend."

Giroro's eyes went wide with absolute horror. "I... I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh, cut the crap! I see the way you look at her! Of course, there's nothing wrong with love. It's a beautiful thing, like a floor so sparkling clean that you can't help but wonder if maybe it's actually a mirror. But, I'm sure you don't want me to blow your little secret, so this gives me an opportunity to work it to my advantage."

"Are... are you trying to _blackmail _me?" the frog asked, now enraged.

"I prefer to say I'm _extorting _you. The 'X' makes it sound cooler."

"That's stupid." the Corporal huffed.

"Really? Do you think anybody would watch 'The X-Files' if it was missing that twenty-fourth letter of the alphabet?... On second thought, they do have David Duchovny prancing around in a speedo every now and then, so I'm sure a few folks would still tune in..."

The frog scowled, indignation coursing through his veins. Jack Frost would be nipping at the noses of hell's residents before he would just give up and let himself be taken advantage of like this by some lowly pekoponian janitor. He was a soldier. He was trained for anything, which included not letting the enemy find out his weaknesses. And that was who this man was: the enemy.

"I am afraid you are mistaken, Janitor. I do not harbor any feelings of romance towards the pekoponian known as Natsumi Hinata." the Corporal, now with his poker face on, calmly lied through his teeth.

"You're lying", said the Janitor, narrowing his eyes at the frog, "And I would know."

"I speak the truth." Giroro lied again.

"Listen up here, toad", the Janitor growled, sitting up from his chair and leaning down close to the space invader, "I have absolutely no qualms about spilling the beans to that girl about your creepy infatuation with her."

Giroro almost flinched, but managed not to. "Natsumi will never believe you. There's no evidence to support this ludicrous theory of yours. It's conjecture, nothing more. Plus, there is the whole matter of your pathological lying, which weakens your credibility."

Expressing his ire through clenched fists and a twitching eye, the custodian then hissed "You want proof? _I'll find proof! _Just you wait!" in the Corporal's face, but, eliciting no reaction, then stormed off.

_'Nice try, dick.' _Giroro thought, smiling to himself.

* * *

"Ahhhhh..." Natsumi happily sighed, as she and her brother made their way to school. "It's great to be out of the house." she commented, stretching her arms as if she had spent the entire day yesterday inside a cramped cage and breathing in the fresh air like she had never smelt anything more wonderful in all her life.

"What do you mean?" Fuyuki asked, bewildered by his sister's attitude.

"Oh come on. You can't really enjoy being around that Janitor, can you?"

"Well... I guess when mom's not around, he can be a bit grumpy..."

"The man's a prick, Fuyuki!" Natsumi exclaimed. Fuyuki sighed. He knew she was right. "So... did you have any luck grilling him?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Getting answers to your questions about his world." she clarified.

"Oh. _Well..._" he nervously said, trailing off as he thought back to last night...

* * *

Fuyuki laid in his bed, dressed in his standard lime green pajamas, still as giddy as he was when the Janitor's origins were revealed to him earlier that day, and still asking the man, who was sleeping on an air mattress beside him, and, unlike the boy, was actually trying to get some shuteye, question after question. "So, tell me more! Is our world pretty much like yours, or are there any major differences? Like, maybe from where you come from, dinosaurs never died out? Or penicillin was never discovered? Or maybe time on your world moves at a different rate, so on top of being on a parallel earth, you've also traveled into the past or the future!"

"Shut... _up._"

"...Okay... I understand. We'll talk tomorrow." the teen said, pulling the covers over himself and trying to drift off into sleep, a task which he quickly found to be impossible with his curiosity eating away at him. "Okay, just answer me this-"

"You know, kid, the army taught me how to kill a man in under five seconds. I could snap your neck like this." the custodian told him, with a snap of his fingers. Needless to say, Fuyuki got the message, and didn't utter another word.

* * *

"... No." Fuyuki answered truthfully. Natsumi shook her head.

"I still can't believe we'll be stuck with him for a couple months." she sighed wearily. "We should stop talking about him, though. It leaves an awful taste in my mouth."

"Oh, D!" the two kids heard their friend Koyuki giggle, and turned back to see her nuzzling with her ninja partner. Natsumi grinned, while Fuyuki titled his head in curiosity.

"Hey, sis...", he mumbled, "That's a little strange, don't you think?"

His eyes went wide with shock as he saw the two ninjas suddenly kiss. "See you later, Dororo!" Koyuki called back to her partner, as she ran over to Natsumi and Fuyuki. Dororo waved goodbye to her, before heading back to their home in the woods. "Hi, Natsumi! Hi, Fuyuki!" the girl happily greeted the Hinata children.

"Um... Koyuki... why were... I mean... Dororo... You kissed him." Fuyuki stammered. Koyuki smiled.

"Well, yeah, he's my boyfriend now, silly!", the ninja girl laughed, "Didn't Natsumi tell you?"

Fuyuki shook his head, turning to his sister, who shrugged. "Sorry, bro. I didn't have time yesterday, what with the Janitor and everything."

Fuyuki turned back to Koyuki, a look of pure joy on his face as he began jumping up and down like a child who had too much sugar. "Oh my god! This is fantastic! When did you two kids finally get together?" he asked. Wow. An alien-human relationship. It was a dream come true!

He had always hoped for this to happen between the Corporal and his sister, but alas, the Keronian still didn't have the courage to confess to her how he felt. Oh, well. Maybe he would someday. Anyway, right now was time to be happy for the new development in Dororo and Koyuki's relationship.

Before the ninja girl could answer, the trio heard a familiar voice call out Fuyuki's name. They saw the face of Momoka Nishizawa coming towards them, the wind rustling through her steel blue hair as she poked her head out of the backseat window of her limo, driven by her loyal butler, Paul. "Hi, Fuyuki! Would you like a ride to school?" she asked, as the car came to a stop beside the three children.

"Oh, hi Momoka!", Fuyuki greeted, smiling at his friend, "Sure!"

"Great! Climb in!" she said, opening the door and sliding over to the empty seat next to hers.

"You guys coming?" Fuyuki asked his sister and the ninja as he climbed in.

_'NO!',_ Momoka's dark side internally shouted, _'If those two don't want to be tossed out of a moving vehicle, they better be smart enough to stay where they are!' _

Natsumi, knowing about Momoka's temperamental side, declined. "No thanks, I'd rather walk. Wouldn't you, Koyuki?"

"Sure!" Koyuki replied.

"Are you sure-"

Fuyuki was cut short as Momoka grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in. "They said they'd rather walk, so let's respect their decision!", she told the boy, laughing as good-naturedly as she could at the moment, before barking "STEP ON IT, PAUL!"

"As you wish, Miss Momoka!" Paul replied, doing as she had ordered him to. The car peeled away from the two girls on the sidewalk, leaving them both to cough from the cloud of dust it left behind.

"So, I see things are going well with you and Dororo." Natsumi slyly commented, as she and her friend continued walking to school.

"Yeah", Koyuki dreamily sighed, "He's a really great kisser."

"Um... okay." Natsumi said, feeling a bit weird hearing about how skilled Dororo was with his mouth.

"You know, last night, he... he actually took his mask off, so we could, you know, get the full experience..." Koyuki bashfully admitted. Natsumi's jaw fell slightly. She had never once seen Dororo without it, and from what she understood, the lower half of his face had been obscured since birth.

_'Wow. He must _really _love Koyuki to do that for her.'_ Natsumi thought. She sighed inwardly. She hadn't had much luck in the romance department lately. The one guy she liked, Saburo, went on a trip to New York recently, and came back engaged to an artist.

As much as she was thrilled for Koyuki, she also envied her newfound happiness.

"So, by the way", Koyuki spoke up, "What was that you were talking with Fuyuki about earlier? Something about a janitor?"

Natsumi was pulled from her thoughts, and turned back to her friend. "Koyuki", she said, "You are not going to believe what happened yesterday..."

* * *

Kululu's eyes shot open behind his askew glasses reflecting the glow of his surrounding screens as he was awakened from his nap by a loud knocking on his laboratory's entrance. With an irked sigh, he hopped off of his swivel chair to put an end to the incessant rapping that had so rudely interrupted his dream, where he was the mighty Cleopatra, being bathed in curry by his abatas until it was time for them to dry him off... with their tongues.

With a silent vow to put the knocker through the severest psychological and/or physical torture he could produce should their reason for coming to him not be of the utmost importance, or at the very least provide him with a little entertainment (like the time Keroro had asked him to wax his legs for him - man,_ that toy-obsessed dunce was like a banshee_), he produced his multi-purpose remote from... I guess an invisible back pocket? (Oh, lord, we've resorted to _that_ trope, have we?), and, with a rather unenthusiastic 'clicky-poo', was granted the sight of what lay beyond his not-so-secret nor inconspicuous hideaway as the 'mouth' of the lab's owner-replicate 'face' slid upwards into the entryway. Kneecaps greeting his gaze, his eyes trailed upwards to meet those of the pair's owner. "And just what do _you _want?" he asked, with a brow quirked and hands planted on his hips. _  
_

"Kululu, right?" the Janitor asked him. The frog nodded. "Well, actually, I need you." he informed him. "... Or rather, your help." he clarified, after seeing the lascivious glint in the inventor's eyes.

"Oh", said Kululu, his tone laced with disappointment, yet with still a hint of curiosity to it, "With what, exactly?"

"Getting proof that the Corporal is in love with that gullible mom's daughter, so that I can blackmail and torment him."

Kululu's face remained utterly blank for a moment, before he gave the man a grin so wide and mischievous it would put the Cheshire Cat to shame. "Step in, won't you?"

And the Janitor did, grinning back at his new ally.


	5. Their Scheme

**CHAPTER 5:**

**"Their Scheme"**

* * *

_HA HA HA HA HA HA!_

_Heh heh heh._

_Hee ho ho ho hee!_

_**BWA HA HA! HA HA! HA **__**HA **__**HA **__**HA!**_

The sniggers, giggles, and guffaws from the memories of mockery he endured from his family, classmates, teachers, therapist, and even those apocalypse-predicting bums replayed on what seemed like a perpetual loop and echoed inside the mind of the president of Kissho Academy's sole newspaper club like a shout down a deep, empty well.

The twiggy, spiky-haired enigma of a teen boy with bangs ending just above his hazel-colored eyes and a small ponytail trailing down the back of his neck, known only by his title of chief or his moniker of 'Desk' to his classmates and the faculty, stared off into space as he sat in his rusted, paint-chipped folding chair in the incommodious supply closet, along with his colleagues Chiruyo, a bespectacled brunette whose left hand was currently a blur as it moved across her tiny notepad, taking notes on the interview they were holding with one of the more catty and affluent, which, of course, meant more popular members of the student body, who had recently wed her cellphone, and Teimei Yamaura, a tall, stalwart fellow who looked much older than any middle school student should, and at the moment was struggling to keep eye contact with their interviewee, rather than letting his gaze fall to a... lower part of her anatomy.

"... So what exactly spurred your decision to join your cellular telephone... an _inanimate object_... in holy matrimony?" Chiruyo inquired.

"Well, you see, last Wednesday, me and my friends were all talking about how amazing our phones were, right? Like how we can text on them, and shop for shoes, make ourselves our very own ringtones with the iTunes app-"

"_Ahem_", Chiruyo cleared her throat, "We, uh, we get it."

"_Do you?_"

Knowing better than to launch into a tirade, she answered with a terse but clearly irked "_Yes._"

"Okay then", the girl said, narrowing her eyes in what appeared to be suspicion, before continuing on with her recount, "So, we were all doing that, when this _reject_... uh, I mean, not like the kind _you guys_ are, but those mime-faced freaks..."

"Goths." corrected Teimei.

"Yeah, whatever. So, he was all like, 'Well, if you love those things so much, why don't you marry them, you human Barbies!', and then I was like, 'Oh, like, yeah? Well maybe I will, loser!'. So the next day, daddy hired me a priest, and we tagged along with him on his business trip to international waters and had the ceremony." she explained, as she pulled out her new 'husband' from her purse and affectionately nuzzled it. "And OMG you guys, it turned out to be the best decision I have, like, ever made."

"Okay, I think we've got everything we need here." the female member of the journalist trio decided, having grown weary of the presence of the only other individual of the same sex in the room.

"Okey dokey. Thanks for helping me get my story out there. Now, me and Toshiba are going to go spend some quality time together." she said, as she walked out into the corridor and began texting on her spouse.

"Well, it certainly was a pleasure and a privilege to talk with y-" began Teimei, before he was cut off by the door shutting in their faces.

Chiruyo flipped her notepad close and rose from her seat. "Well, I'm gonna get this piece typed up for tomorrow. Teimei, do me a favor and think up a headline for it, will you?"

"_'Girl Finds More Than _One_ Kind of Connection with Phone'_. Presto, there you go. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to catch up with her and see if I can't convince her and her new 'hubby' to play a game of 'spin the bottle'. I mean, I'm bound to land on her at least once, right?" he said, with a salacious grin only a hormonal teenage boy could produce, earning him an eye roll from Chiruyo, which he failed to notice (though it's not like he could have seen it anyway, what with those opaque glasses of hers).

But before either of them could even lay a hand on the knob, they were stopped in their tracks when they heard their Chief mutter "... What have we been reduced to?"

His two now jaded cohorts exchanged glances, before resting their gazes on their fallen from grace leader. "Chief..." Chiruyo began.

"We... were going to change the world...", the seemingly withdrawn from reality club president continued, "... Make them all see the light..."

"C'mon, we've been over this. You know we can't go back to printing stories like that-"

"THEY'RE NOT 'STORIES'! You were there, you should know that! _We all saw those things with our own eyes!_" the Chief shrieked, rising up from his chair and tipping it to the ground in the process.

Chiruyo put her palms up and took a couple steps back, as did Teimei. "Whoa, Chief, I didn't mean to insinuate that they weren't the honest to god truth!"

"Yeah, just chill out there, bossman."

"And how do you expect me to do that when they're just sitting there in that house, waiting for someone to expose them, and we're here, sleuthing around the chess team to try to determine if they're taking performance enhancing drugs and interviewing object-sexual bimbos!?"

It was no secret that the Chief was frustrated. Finding proof of alien life was his obsession, as it was his colleagues. But, out of the three, he was the most passionate about it. His obsession fueled him. Trying to prove it was the reason he got up in the morning, and also why he returned to bed so late.

"I know, Chief. It's galling." Chiruyo agreed.

"No, 'galling' doesn't even come close to what this situation is!" the Chief yelled, his temper rising ever higher.

"What about 'maddening'?" asked Teimei.

"Yeah, that's pretty good." he admitted.

"Believe me, boss, we know how you're feeling, but you know as well as I do that if we run another... _article_ like that, we'll be cancelled faster than Teimei can strike out with that electronic-loving ditz." reasoned Chiruyo. The first time they had attempted to warn their peers of the alien menace through the press would turn out to be their last; their paper became the laughingstock of the whole school, and with its integrity in ruins, the principal shut it down. It was only until recently after they promised not to print anything remotely extraterrestrial-related (well, that and not publishing the pictures of him in his wife's wedding dress) that he brought it back from the dead.

To her surprise, instead of flying off the handle again, her leader was smirking, now calm and collected. "My dear girl", he began, causing her nose to wrinkle slightly at the condescension exuding from his tone, "While I do appreciate your concern, I am afraid it's utterly gratuitous."

"Uh, you did hear me just a moment ago, right?" she asked, arching a brow.

"Yes, but we won't be getting cancelled this time around for proving that those freakish frogs the Hinatas are harboring exist to all those asinine non-believers!"

"Chief, the principal may be ashamed of those pics, but he's willing to let 'em go public than have his school's paper be made a mockery of again."

"But it won't be! Because this time we'll make sure we have what we have of the principal's transvestism: hard evidence!"

"But, Chief, don't you remember? Last time we tried to get that, we almost became gerbil food!" reminded Teimei, referring to the incident where they had tried to get proof of the platoon, but were discovered and captured, and then almost fed to their giant, mutated guinea pig by that horrible, evil yellow one.

"I don't care!", the Chief lied, trying to sound brave, "Are we going to let fear stop us? No! Because we're reporters, damn it! We risk our lives for the sake of the truth!"

"If you say so." Yamaura shrugged.

"Heck yeah, I say so! Aliens exist, and we're going to prove this to the academy! To the _world!_" the Chief declared.

"It would be nice."

"No, it _will_ be nice! Because it's going to happen! Once school's out, we'll sneak over to the Hinata house, and get some proof of those slimy weirdos! Who's with me?"

"Well... it _would_ give me a chance to spy on Fuyuki..." Chiruyo mused, all logic melting away at the thought of her crush.

"Yeah! And just think how great it'll be when we manage to snap a picture of one of those extraterrestrial toads! We'll be famous around the globe, and go down in history as the three who proved that alien life does exist!" coaxed the Chief.

"Yeah!", his fellow reporters shouted in unison, getting riled up, "Let's do it!"

"Our mission begins when the clock strikes three." the Chief grinned, all three erupting into insidious laughter as they eyed the clock ticking away on the wall.

"... So... mind if I take a whiz first?" Teimei asked, after all had finally gone quiet.

"Yeah, go for it, man", encouraged the Chief, "We've got plenty of time."

"Cool." he responded, as he placed his hand on the knob, then began jiggling it after the door wouldn't budge.

"Is it - ?"

"Yeah, it's jammed."

"Alright", the newspaper president sighed as he trudged over, "Go in the corner, and I'll work on this."

* * *

At three o' clock sharp, the school bell pierced the ears of all those within and close by the academy, and, almost immediately, the entrance doors burst open as the students erupted from the building like a herd of stampeding buffalo.

Natsumi gazed longingly at Saburo, as the handsome, silver-haired teen began his stroll back to his house. If only... if only she had told him how she felt sooner. Then, maybe _she_ would be his fiancée, not some bum from New York. But alas, she did not. It was too late for her now. It wasn't like he'd leave his bride-to-be to be with her. Maybe if her life was one of those cliché rom-coms there'd be a fighting chance of that, but it wasn't.

"Natsumi? Are you alright?" the voice of Koyuki asked, as Natsumi felt her gently place her hand on her shoulder.

The young quasi-stalker's gaze drifted from the boy of her dreams to that of the concerned face of her friend. Giving her a weak smile, she claimed "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" the ninja correctly guessed, gesturing toward Saburo. Natsumi sighed. She couldn't fool Koyuki, so she didn't even bother trying, instead coming clean with a sad nod. "Oh, Natsumi... I'm... I'm so sorry", Koyuki apologized, hanging her head, "Here you've been, heartbroken over the love of your life marrying someone else, and I've just been flaunting my relationship with Dororo in your face. I'm so ashamed of myself."

"Hey, don't be! I'm happy for you guys, honest! What I'm dealing with right now shouldn't rain on your parade! Seriously, don't worry about me." Natsumi told the girl, who softly smiled.

"You're a strong one, Natsumi."

"Thanks."

"Hey, guys!" Fuyuki called out, as he and Momoka ran up to the two girls, "Whatcha talking 'bout?"

"Nothing." Natsumi answered, as chipper as she could so as to not tip her brother off about her depression.

"Well, okay. Anyway, I invited Momoka to our house so she could meet the Janitor. After all, getting to meet someone from an alternate universe isn't exactly a regular opportunity!", the boy laughed, "So, I trust that's cool?"

"Sure. Momoka, if you think you can handle being around that jerk, you're more than welcome to come."

"Great! I'm so excited!" Momoka happily squealed, though Natsumi suspected that the only reason she had accepted her brother's invitation to come meet that mop handling jackass was to have an excuse to spend some more time with him. And she was right, of course.

Natsumi turned back to Koyuki. She didn't expect her to want to meet the Janitor, as she had been thoroughly filled in on what he was like, but she didn't want to make her feel excluded. "Koyuki, the same goes for you, if you're interested." she offered.

"Sure!" her friend joyfully accepted. Needless to say, Natsumi was surprised by her answer. But, of course, Koyuki would go anywhere with Natsumi, be it to hell and back, or her house while she had a hateful, sadistic otherworldly being staying with her. "... But, um, would it be okay if I brought Dororo along with us?" she awkwardly added.

"Of course!" Natsumi said. The ninja girl bowed and thanked her, before making use of her powers to disappear in a purple cloud of smoke, and then reappear a few seconds later with her beloved, anti-barrier-wearing space frog.

"Miss Natsumi, many thanks for inviting Koyuki and I to your home." said the grateful toad, bowing to her.

"Sure thing." she replied, smiling down at him.

"Here's Paul!" Momoka exclaimed, as the butler pulled up by the curb in her limo. The backseat door swung open, revealing a smiling Tamama, trying to assuage that ever insatiable sweet tooth of his by stuffing his face full of every variety of candies and pastries imaginable.

"Hey, guys! Come on in!" the little frog invited them, through a heaping mouthful of cake, as he waved for them to do so. The kids and the ninja frog did just that, unaware of the reporters spying on them from the bushes.

* * *

"Here we are." Natsumi announced, as everyone followed her into her home. "That Janitor should be around here somewhere." she said, visually scouring the house.

"Is he truly as bad as you portray him to be?" asked Dororo.

"Oh, he is!", Tamama affirmed, "I met him yesterday."

"Total douche." Natsumi added.

"Why are you all letting him reside here, then?" asked Paul, who was accompanying Momoka, in that perennially refined voice of his.

"He slapped on a friendly face and created this whole 'simple redneck' facade when Mom met him, and she was so charmed, she said he could stay here until Kululu fixes the device that'll send him back to his own world." Natsumi explained to the group as they walked into the living room, where they were met with something so horrible, it should be considered cruel and unusual punishment for others to have to lay eyes on it and their ears to hear it.

Keroro was dancing on top of the couch, vigorously singing into a hairbrush like it was a microphone. "... You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen, oh yeah! Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine! Oh, you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life! Ooooh, see that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen-"

He stopped short as he saw the crowd of his friends in the room, gaping at him.

"Huh. Looks like your face isn't the only fan of ABBA around here, sis."

"You all saw nothing!" the wannabe vocalist screamed, heat flooding to his cheeks.

"Trust me, toad, we all wish we did see nothing. That was just... God, I feel like my soul's been violated..." Natsumi uttered, disgusted.

"Don't you listen to her, sir! Why, were I to have ears, your voice would be the most divine sound ever to grace them!" Tamama passionately proclaimed.

"Thank you, Tamama! It's good to see that _some _people still have that little something called 'good taste'." said Keroro, sticking his tongue out at Natsumi.

"His opinion isn't valid, he's just your yes man." Natsumi countered.

"Maybe that's because I'm the only one who isn't blind to the greatness of Mister Sergeant!" the Private hissed at the girl.

"Well... what about Lady Mois? She loves my singing too!"

"She's in love with you. Her judgment's clouded."

The Sarge fumed. "Fuyuki! Will you please tell your sister how great and totally, undeniably awesome my singing is?"

"Uh..." Fuyuki muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, come on! What about you, rich girl? Paul? Koyuki?" he asked, desperately.

"You didn't ask _me_..." Dororo sobbed, tears springing to his eyes. Keroro was startled by the Lance Corporal's presence, because, as usual, he failed to notice that he was there (or remember that he even existed, for that matter). Luckily, Koyuki was able to calm her emotionally damaged alien down before he sulked off to a corner to relive the horrors of his past.

"Giroro!" the Sergeant suddenly yelled with a snap of his fingers, before he jumped off of the couch and ran out into the backyard, dragging the Corporal along with him as he returned.

"What the hell Keroro!?" the cantankerous frog snarled, yanking his hand away from the Sarge's grasp.

"Giroro, on the scale of 1 to 10, how good is my singing?", his commanding officer asked, "And it's alright if your rating surpasses the scale."

Giroro's eyes widened, before his left one began to twitch uncontrollably with rage, with his body soon trembling with the same emotion. Keroro was just lucky he had dragged him into the house when he was roasting sweet potatoes and not polishing his guns, because if he still had one in his hands, he would've blown the green idiot's head off by now. "When you sing", the Corporal began, making sure his ire seeped through each and every one of his words, "It makes me want to sew your mouth shut, and then strangle you to death so you can't hum either!"

While Keroro crossed his arms and pouted at the diatribe from his teammate, Natsumi laughed, causing a streak of crimson to run across Giroro's face as he realized that his love was back home from school.

"... Well, what about _you_, Janitor, sir?" Keroro asked the Janitor, who had come up from the basement, and for some reason, was wearing a gas mask. Koyuki, Dororo, Momoka and Paul stared at him in wonder and amazement.

"What?" the Janitor grumpily asked, as he pulled off his mask.

Keroro instantly regretted asking for his opinion, fearing that the custodian would get angry at him for asking about something so trivial, and punish him for it by doing something to him like he did this morning. "Do you... um..."

"Spit it out." the Janitor told him.

"... Think I sing pretty?" the frog finished, nervously.

The Janitor narrowed his eyes at the Sergeant. "When I hear your godforsaken voice start to sing... it makes me want to kill myself and everybody around me."

"Well, he was right on the mark with that one, but trust me, he's usually a dick..." Natsumi told the others, not-so-quietly whispering. The Janitor took notice of the large group of people in the living room.

"I hope you all wiped your feet before you came in. Because what has two thumbs and has to clean dog crap off the floor if you didn't? The Janitor!", he exclaimed, gesturing to himself, "How ya doin'?"

"_Remarkable..._" Paul muttered, as he studied the Janitor, whose face twisted into a scowl.

"Hey, Jeeves, didn't anyone ever tell you and your face toupee that it's rude to stare?"

"_I beg your_ _pardon?_"

"Holy hell, that thing is _huge_", the Janitor mumbled, transfixed on Paul's stache, "Seriously, it looks like it needs its own citizenship."

"I sincerely hope for your sake, _sir_, that it is not my moustache to which you are referring in such an impudent manner."

"You call that thing facial hair? It looks more like Cousin It curled up on your upper lip." the custodian quipped. the butler's jaw dropped. Momoka was appalled as well. Who did this guy think he was, insulting her servant like that?

"How dare you insult my butler, you freakishly tall son of a-"

"Excuse me, little rich girl, I know you're probably not used to people interrupting your ramblings, but I gotta skedaddle. Some idiot left a half-eaten choco bar in the frogs' conference room, and now there's ants swarming all over. I gotta go spray the little bastards." the Janitor told an offended Momoka, who was very close to letting her dark side take over.

"Well, you can't blame the ants for liking it. I mean, seriously, who among us can resist the sweet and salty taste of a 'Snickers'?" Tamama commented. The Janitor, who had grabbed a can of ant spray from under the sink and was heading back down to the base, stopped dead in his tracks when he heard this, and slowly turned back to face him. Were looks able to kill, the tadpole would've been a corpse in seconds flat.

"Why 'Snickers'?"

"Huh?" the Private uttered in confusion.

"I just said that someone left a choco bar in the room. For all you knew, it was a 'Kit Kat', or a '3 Musketeers', or maybe that good ol' classic, 'Butterfinger'. But, no, you managed to guess 'Snickers', which is exactly what it was. So, and I'm only going to ask you this once: did you leave that bar down there?"

"I was just making small talk." Tamama nervously replied.

The Janitor, looking unconvinced, deepened his scowl. "If I find out you're the one who left it down there... I'm taking you down." he promised the small frog.

And with that, he put his gas mask back on and journeyed back down into the basement. "My goodness gracious...", Dororo uttered, breaking the last ten seconds of awkward silence that hung in the air following the custodian's departure, "He _does _act like a jerk."

"Smells like one, too." Koyuki added.

"That's because he _is _one." muttered the Corporal.

"Is my singing really that bad?" the misty eyed Sergeant asked, still in pain over what the Janitor had said to him.

"Of course not, Mister Sergeant! He just can't see the beauty that is your voice." Tamama assured his commanding officer, as he ran over to him and gave him a comforting hug. _'I'm going to smother that bastard in his sleep for hurting my Sarge like this!'_

"I'm sorry you all had to endure that." Natsumi apologized.

"Never in my life have I been so insulted!" groused Paul, crossing his arms.

"You have my utmost empathy for having to deal with such a, for lack of a better word, tactless toolbag." Dororo told the Hinata children. "Believe me when I say I know _exactly_ what you're going through." he muttered, shooting his Sergeant a quick glare.

"Oh, Fuyuki, you're so brave for _putting up with that jackass!_" Momoka praised her beloved, a bit of her anger managing to slip out at the end. Fuyuki sheepishly smiled and modestly mumbled how he wasn't being a hero or anything by living with the Janitor.

Suddenly, the group's heads turned to the door as the house's doorbell rang with that oh so very stereotypical 'Ding Dong!'. "Now who could that be?" Fuyuki wondered aloud.

"I don't know." Natsumi said suspiciously, as the bell continued to ring. "Put your anti-barriers on, guys." she instructed the frogs, who complied (except, of course, for Dororo, who already had his on).

"Be careful, Natsumi", warned Keroro, "It could be Mormons."*

Cautiously opening the door, she was greeted by three individuals with very long and very bushy beards trailing all the way down to their waists. "Hello there!" the newspaper Chief, Chiruyo, and Teimei all greeted from under their fake cheek fur. "We are salespeople!", the Chief announced, "And we have come-"

"To sell you guys stuff!" Teimei cut in, before being silenced by a jab in the stomach from the Chief's elbow.

"Well, _duh_." the Chief hissed.

"May we come in?" Chiruyo asked.

"Sorry, no solicitors." said Natsumi, as she was closing the door, but Teimei quickly stuck his foot in between it.

"You don't even know what we're selling yet!" he protested.

"Well, whatever it is, _we're not interested._"

"Are you sure?", the Chief slyly asked, "We've got occult books, candies, mustache combs, and love potions!"

A fountain of drool was running down Tamama's chin at the mention of candies, and the last item had both Giroro and Natsumi interested in it. _'Love potions?'_, the two thought, _'No... Those things never work... Besides, I could never resort to trickery.' _

Momoka, however, could. "Let them in!" she commanded.

"Yeah, they have occult books!", Fuyuki happily exclaimed, "Maybe there's some I don't already have!"

"There probably are!", the Chief laughed, as he and his colleagues made their way into the house. "Oh, we have so many wonderful things we're sure you'd love to bu-"

The Chief stopped mid-sentence. The alien frogs... they were right there in front of them! The green one, the dark blue one, the light blue one, and the red one! Thankfully though, not the yellow one. And for some reason, the Hinatas and their guests didn't even act concerned that their little earth invaders were in the living room, for all to see! In fact, they almost acted like the frogs weren't there at all...

"So, where's the stuff?" Natsumi asked the 'salesmen'.

"Come again?"

"Where's the stuff you're selling?" she reiterated.

"Oh, _that _stuff!", the Chief nervously laughed, "No, we, uh, we don't carry that stuff on us, oh no! We take orders! Then we send the orders to HQ, and then they send your items through the mail!"

"Then why did you need to come in?", Koyuki asked, curiously, "You could have just asked us what we wanted from outside."

"Well... uh... you see... Whoa, look at the time!" the Chief said, staring down at an imaginary wristwatch, "We really must be going!"

"Oh, I'm sure we could stay _a little longer..._" Chiruyo cooed as she gazed at Fuyuki, earning her a glare from Momoka that would've caused a mountain lion to flee with its tale between its legs.

"No, we've _got to go..._" the Chief hissed, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her towards the door.

"Yeah, yeah!" the muscle of the gang eagerly agreed. That red frog was eyeing him askance, and he didn't want a repeat of his last encounter with him.

"Wait!", Momoka called after them, "What about my love potion?"

"And my candy!" Tamama wailed. The group and the platoon turned to Tamama, horrified that the frog had just spoken in the presence of strangers.

"Um... uh... well, we'll get you candy later, Koyuki!" Natsumi assured the ninja, trying to fool the salesmen into thinking it was her who was bemoaning the lack of sweets.

"Um... great!" Koyuki said, smiling awkwardly.

_'Unbelievable! _She _gets candy and _I_ don't!?' _Tamama inwardly simmered.

"Well... we really should be going!" the Chief said.

"Yes, you should!" Natsumi agreed with him, ushering the salesmen out.

"We'll mail you your stuff later!" Teimei added, before he was silenced again by another jab in the stomach from the Chief's elbow.

_'I've heard that voice before...'_ Giroro thought to himself, trying to place who it belonged to. It almost sounded like... like that pervert who had tried to peek on his beloved Natsumi while she was enjoying a bath!

"Natsumi! Don't let them out! They're those punks from that damn school tabloid in disguise!" the Corporal warned her.

Natsumi's eyes widened, as did the newspaper club's. "O... M... G!" gasped Keroro, his jaw colliding with the floor.

"We've been discovered! Abort mission!" the Chief shouted. He and his colleagues ran out the door, but Natsumi and Koyuki grabbed them by the backs of their collars and pulled them back into the house.

"Why you little creeps!" Natsumi seethed. The club screamed, and quickly pushed themselves off the ground and ran away from the mob of incensed people and space frogs.

"Hey, they're getting away!" Fuyuki shouted, worriedly.

"Quickly, someone throw a stairwell at them!" suggested Keroro.

"_What?_"

"Well, at least I'm spitballing here, _Momoka!_"

"Aw, to hell with this nonsense!" roared the Corporal, summoning a grenade launcher and targeting the bearded snoops.

"No, Giroro, not in here! You'll kill us all!... And on the off chance we don't perish in the fiery aftermath, _I will make you clean every square inch of this place!_"

"Don't worry, Miss Natsumi! Fortunately, _I _always plan for a quick, clean kill! I'm grabbing my crossbow!" the Sergeant informed her, as he stuck his head under the couch to look for said weapon.

Natsumi, Momoka, Paul, Tamama, Koyuki and Dororo followed the Corporal's lead and gave chase to the fleeing reporters. The club wailed as they looked over their shoulders to check the distance between them and their pursuers, but their eyes were soon drawn back to the path ahead as the frog of the Dodger blue complexion along with the girl of the eyes of teal then ambushed them using their powers of teleportation. The two took fighting stances, a set of three shurikens in both of the human's hands and the now unsheathed katana gripped tightly in the Keronian's. "Halt!", he ordered, "Or we will be forced to-"

The new age E.T. never got to finish his sentence, though, and not because of his self-absorbed teammates cutting him off, as was usually the case; a bright flash of light had just assaulted he and his partner's eyes, as the Chief, being the underhanded dog he was, slipped a flash camera out from his pocket, allowing the sleazy trio to slip past the two temporarily blinded ninjas in love.

"Well, you all don't have to worry about those buggy bastards anymore." informed the Janitor, emerging from the basement and entering the kitchen, unaware that he had stepped right into the path of a stampede. He took his mask off and grabbed his mop, ready to begin his cleaning of the floor tiles yet again. "Yep, they're all dea-"

He suddenly found himself knocked to the ground and trampled on by the tween journalists. While their pursuers were all tempted to seize this opportunity to do so as well, they begrudgingly acknowledged to themselves that time was not on their side, which meant not wasting any of it by planting their soles on the custodian.

After they had passed over him, the Janitor lifted his weary head off of the spotless floor, and saw a sight that made his blood boil...

His mop lay on the ground, broken by those damn reporters.

* * *

The chase continued outside in the yard, and the reporters might have been captured again, just like during their last visit, had they not taken the path that lead them back out to the front. "We've got proof of you aliens now!" the Chief laughed triumphantly, as he and his comrades reached the sidewalk and dug into their fake beards, each pulling out a tiny camcorder.

"The hell you do!" Giroro furiously roared, aiming his explosive discharger at the three journalists.

The club trembled with fear at this, but the Chief managed to muster up the courage to call the Corporal's bluff. "You wouldn't dare shoot three civilians out in the open, would you?"

Giroro was tempted to, but he knew it would draw too much attention. So, he reluctantly lowered the gun in defeat.

"It's all over, Hinatas!", the Chief continued, "We have your aliens on tape! Soon the world will know of their existence! It's all your faults, anyway! You didn't even hide them when you let us in!"

Then, something dawned on Natsumi. And she began to laugh. The reporters looked at the girl curiously. "What's so funny!?" the Chief demanded.

The platoon and the others were starting to give her confused looks too. "Don't you see?", she asked them, "They didn't capture you on tape at all! You have your anti-barriers on, dummies!"

And as they realized this as well, the frogs began laughing along with her. The Chief was getting pissed. "What the hell are you talking about!?"

"The frogs have this cloaking device of theirs! The only reason we all can see them is because we've seen them without them before! They don't work on people who've already seen them! So, you've got no proof! No one else will be able to see them on tape except for all of us!"

"... No... No... It can't be..." the Chief mumbled, trying to convince himself that it wasn't true, that, for once in his life, he succeeded. "You're... you're lying!" he seethed. "They're lying! They're just trying to trick us into leaving our cameras here!" he screamed at his fellow reporters. "Well, it ain't gonna work!", he yelled back at the eldest Hinata child, "We've finally got proof, and you know it! WE'VE FINALLY GOT P-"

The Chief was cut short as he was violently pushed to the ground, his body crushing the camera in his hands. His companions spun around to see the Janitor staring down at them. And he was _not pleased_. Yanking their cameras right from their hands, he threw them on the sidewalk, and stomped them to pieces. "Hey!" Chiruyo shouted.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Teimei wailed, running his fingers through his hair.

"How does it feel, eh?", the Janitor asked, glowering at them, "To have something dear to _your _hearts broken like any old, run-of-the-mill Catholic marriage?"*

"What did you do, you idiot!?" the Chief screeched as he pushed himself off the ground. "You destroyed all of our evidence!"

"Yeah, like you destroyed my mop, you inconsiderate little jerks."

"You... you... you destroyed what could have proven to the entire world that we are not alone... That there _is_ other life out there in the universe... because _we accidentally destroyed your goddamn mop!?_"

"Yep."

"YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU HEAR ME!? _**KILL YOU!**_"

"No, you won't", the Janitor replied, pushing the Chief down again, "Now scram, punks."

The Chief glared up at the custodian, pure and utter hatred gleaming in his eyes. "This... isn't... _over_."

"Really? Because I thought we were even. You broke my mop, I destroyed your cameras. Even Steven. But, I'm guessing that, like me, you little creeps hold a grudge. Now, this feud could go on for years. You try to make me suffer, and I make all of your lives a living hell. But you three aren't really worth my time, so I'm just going to end this right here and now."

"We're not scared of _you!_" the Chief spat.

"Oh, you will be. You will be." the Janitor promised, a sadistic smile touching his lips as he pulled out a roll of scotch tape.

"W-What are you going to do to us?" Teimei asked, trembling.

"You'll see. _You'll see_", he told the three, as he peeled the tape from the roll, "Now, each of you put your hands together. Like you're praying."

* * *

The three reporters sat in the backseat of a taxi cab, struggling against the duck tape that bound and gagged them, while the Janitor talked to the driver.

"... So just drive them around the country... I don't know, a couple hundred times."

"Are you sure?" the driver asked.

"Absoulutely! It'll do these rascals good to get out and take a break from their little 'alien' obsession." he told the driver, making a 'they're nuts' gesture with his hand. "And don't worry. They'll be able to take care of the bill."

The driver shrugged, and peeled out of the neighborhood, ignoring the muffled cries of protest from the tied up children in the back. The Janitor smiled, pleased with himself.

"... That was... rather extreme..." a shocked Dororo spoke up.

"... And ruthless ..." Koyuki added.

"... And what some could consider plain evil ..." Fuyuki muttered.

The Janitor shrugged. "I really don't care."

And while the others were in shock over the Janitor's cruel act of revenge, Giroro and Natsumi couldn't help but find it not only just, but painfully funny, as well. Those snooping pains in the ass got what was coming to them. The Corporal and the teenager glanced at each other, each glad that they weren't the only one who was having trouble keeping their sides from splitting.

The Janitor glared at the two. _'Oh, you'll get your proof, Corporal... ',_ his mind assured, _'_..._ All in due time.'_

* * *

"Hello?" a worried voice called out into the empty living room. "I... I got stuck under the couch looking for the crossbow. Can someone please get me out?... Hello?" the stuck Segreant pleaded, unaware that no one was around to hear him.

* * *

**Author's note/disclaimer:**

***Although I'm sure you're already aware of this, I just want to clarify that not all of the views held by the characters in this work reflect my own. While not a Mormon myself, I have nothing but the utmost respect for the religion, and actually know two LDS missionaries who have helped me have a deeper understanding of their belief and even this puzzle of an existence that we call life, and whose talks, at times, have provided me with some spiritual tranquility that manages to cancel out the psychological turmoil I have been experiencing as of late, even if only for a day. If I did bring offense to anyone, however, I offer my sincerest apologies.**

***I would apologize for this, too, but seeing as how I'm Catholic, I'd like to think that this gives me a free pass.**


	6. Our Picnic, part I

**CHAPTER 6:**

**"Our Picnic, part I"**

* * *

Back in the plane of the fictional, it was a beautiful Sunday morning as Natsumi listlessly swept in the kitchen. Other than to keep herself busy, she had no real reason for doing so - every tile was already gleaming like a diamond. Besides, it was her brother's turn to do the chores today. Only, he was in his room, last she checked, locked in a fierce debate in an online forum over the existence of some half-man, half-poultry cryptic over in America, blatantly ignoring his day's duties because... well... there were really no duties to be done; the house was still very much in pristine condition from when the Janitor had last tidied it up.

It had been a little over a week since he arrived (ten days to be precise, but who's counting?), and he now participated in the chores as well, as he was so invested in the affable, rural veneer that was Fox Beckwith, a character he felt to be the type of fella' to roll up his sleeves and help out however he could.

Besides, his penchant for repetitious and often superfluous cleaning seemed to stem from a fondness for the act, anyway. Either that, or a profound respect; as he once put it, it was an art, and his mop was his paintbrush. Plus, he and the Sarge had also entered into a sort of unofficial competition to determine who truly deserved the title of 'Khan of Cleaning'. Natsumi and Fuyuki, on the other hand, certainly had no complaints with the custodian's new arrangement.

The youngest Hinata was even kind enough to buy the man a new mop to replace the old one, and the conniving smart alec with the heart of a pre-redeemed Grinch was so moved, he actually broke down in tears. And he didn't appear to just be putting on a performance either, as Aki was at work when it happened.

Of course, the custodian's grateful attitude didn't last long...

* * *

"But I bought you a new mop!" protested Fuyuki, the boy sprawled out on the ground, the back of his clothes dampening from the slick kitchen floor.

"I liked my old one better."

"B-But you cried!" he pointed out.

The Janitor shook his head. "No, that was you." he told him, before taking his leave, dragging his sodden cleaning tool across the poor kid's face as he did so.

* * *

And while the Janitor would rejoice after he finished the chores, exulted over his three day break, when it was Natsumi's, Fuyuki's, and Keroro's turn, all he would do was watch them in such an unwavering and disconcerting manner that it would not prove difficult for one to believe that he had been mentored by the oh so stately yet obstinate raven perched upon the bust above the chamber door of Lenore's bereaver.

As Natsumi continued to sweep, she eventually became fed up with the maintenance man's fixation on her, as well as the sounds of him loudly consuming an apple almost as shiny as the floor itself was. "For crap's sake!", she exclaimed, "Do you really have to keep your god awful Hannibal Lecter eyes glued to me like that!?"

"I don't _have _to. It's just a pastime."

"Well, stop it! Do something else!" she ordered him.

"If you say so..." the Janitor shrugged, and then proceeded to point and snicker obnoxiously at her. "Heh heh heh heh! It's _your_ turn to do the chores today, and not _mine!_"

Natsumi scowled, and her grip on the broom handle tightened so much it snapped in two. "Here." he said, tossing her what was left of his roll of duck tape. Natsumi proceeded to mend the broken broom in silence, until the Janitor decided to break it by asking her something that had been on his mind for awhile. "So, let me ask you something... What's the deal with the freeloading contingent of Kermit's celestial demon spawn?"

Natsumi halted her task, thinking back to the day that her and her family's life changed forever. "... The dumb frog and his platoon came to earth a few years ago", she told him, "I discovered that stupid toad hiding in my brother's room. After that, we learned about Tamama-"

"Who?" the Janitor interrupted.

"You know, dark blue tadpole with the Bambi eyes that his true bat crap crazy disposition tends to hide behind."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

Natsumi sighed. "The chocolate litterer."

"Oh, _him_." the Janitor darkly muttered, his thoughts drifting towards that slovenly, bipolar liar.

"Yeah, well, we found out shortly after that he was crashing with Momoka-"

"Who?" the Janitor interrupted again.

"The girl born with not a silver, but _golden_ spoon in her mouth... and filled with caviar, to boot." Natsumi reminded him, irked that he still couldn't (or rather, decided not to) perform the simple task of taking the time to remember the names of the people who had recently become a major part of his life. "And then, after that", Natsumi continued, "Giroro came here."

She smiled at the memory. "He set up all of these elaborate booby traps to try to take me out... but I was able to easily defeat them, using a leek, no less. After that, he started living in the backyard. And then later, Saburo... a... classmate of mine...", she blushed at the thought of her secret crush, "... He found Kululu when he came to earth, and helped him reunite with the platoon.

"And then later, I met Koyuki, _the ninja girl_", she clarified, anticipating another 'Who?' from the Janitor, "... And learned of her partner Dororo, the visage conscious one of the bunch, whom she met after releasing him from a bear trap he'd got caught in in the woods. And, well, that's how we all came to know one another."

"Wow", muttered the Janitor, "... I really thought that tale would be, at the very least, mildly engaging. Boy, was I mistaken."

Natsumi shot the man an icy glare, which he either didn't take notice of or simply didn't give two shakes about. She went back to taping up her broom, when she was interrupted by the sound of her mother's voice. "Kids, you'll never guess what!" she excitedly hollered. Natsumi scampered out of the kitchen and into the living room, followed by the Janitor, who changed into his Beckwith persona.

"Mom, what's going on?" Natsumi asked.

"Mom!", Fuyuki smiled, as he descended the stairs, "What are you doing home so early? Another irate ex-employee shoot up your office again?"

"Even better! I suggested a story arc for the Captain Geroro manga, and not only did my boss absolutely love it, but he was so impressed with it, he let me have the rest of the day off, so as to relax and 'rest my brain' for when I write up the script tomorrow."

"Mom, that's wonderful!" Natsumi exclaimed, as she and Fuyuki enveloped their giver of life in a hug.

"Darn tooting it is!" agreed the Janitor.

Aki laughed. "Oh, and Fox, this would never had happened if it weren't for you!"

"And how's that, ma'am?" the custodian asked.

"You gave me the idea of introducing a new character from an alternate universe!" she explained.

"Why, that's fantastic, ma'am!"

As he and Aki's frames shook with mirth, she took notice of his hand stretched forth expectantly. "Sorry, but while I may have the image of a deity, I have none of the powers. Besides, both hands look fine by me." she joked. The Janitor looked surprised by this, then embarrassed. Taking notice of his obvious change in mood as well, Aki then asked "Wait, what's wrong?"

"Oh, um... Nothing, never mind." he said, turning from her and heading back into the kitchen.

"What is it?"

"Well... it's just that... I thought that... since you based this character off of me, I might get a... teeny-weeny... cut of your profits."

"Oh." Aki said, surprised.

_'Why that mooching son of a bitch! __Mom, tear him a new one!' _Natsumi's mind hissed.

"You know what? Forget it", the Janitor said, giving Aki a soft, but sad, smile, "You kind folks have already done enough for me. The last thing I should be doing is asking y'all for money... Even if things _are_ mighty tight back at the farm; last month, we had to eat Grandpappy!"

"Oh my!" exclaimed Aki, a hand flying to her sternum in horror.

"Well, don't be too shocked, ma'am. 'Grandpappy' is what we named our favorite cow. But still, we loved him even more than human Grandpappy. But, I don't want to waste your time with my sob stories. You enjoy that cash of yours. You earned it." the Janitor said, then left back for the kitchen, his head hung low and his feet dragging on the floor.

"Thanks, we will!" Natsumi replied, hardly able to keep the smugness out of her voice.

"Wait, Fox!" Aki called after him.

"Yes?" he somberly asked, as he turned back towards her.

"I'm the one who should be sorry. It's your life story, of course you'll get a cut."

"_What?_" Natsumi exclaimed, unable to believe the sentence exiting her mother's mouth. On top of getting to live here rent-free, and getting away with making everyone (save for, of course, Aki) wish that they could swap lives with a _Liberian_, _that damn custodian was now getting a cut of her mother's hard earned money too!?_

The Janitor grinned. "Why, gosh, ma'am, thanks."

"No problem!" Aki said, smiling. "So", she pondered, wondering what would be a fair offer, "How does 5% sound?"

The Janitor's smile went away, and a cold, calculating expression took its place as he turned all business. "Make it 15."

"6." Aki responded, getting into her own negationary mode.

"15." the Janitor repeated.

"7."

"15."

"8."

"One million!" he demanded, getting carried away.

"Mom, you don't have to do thi-" Natsumi interrupted, but her mother held up a hand to silence her.

"Don't worry, sweetie, I got this. 9%. Final offer."

The Janitor stroked his chin, deep in thought as he considered it. It wasn't as much as he had demanded, but it was still alot, and he would still make a profit without coming across as the grasping materialist he truly was deep down in that coal sized and colored heart of his. After a few moments in which sound took a conspicuous leave of absence, he told Aki "Throw in a free frogurt, and you got yourself a deal there, partner."

"Deal!" she said, hand meeting his and shaking in agreement. "I gotta say, you're a heck of a negotiator, Fox."

"Well, back home, you gotta be, ma'am. Otherwise, the hill people would take _all _your youngins during their raids."

Aki arched a brow, before giving him an awkward smile. Natsumi stood there, mouth gaped like a trout's. _'That con man!'_

Noticing her daughter's expression, Aki draped a loving arm over her shoulders, and whispered to her "Now, Natsumi, _he was _my muse. And besides, it's only until he returns to his own world." But her words did nothing to quell the lavender-haired child's rage toward the avaricious maintenance man.

"Kero, Kero, Kero!" the eternal houseguest of the Hinatas' sang as he happily cavorted into the living room, phone in hand as he planned to make use of the digits he had finally managed to score from that reticent clothing model who spends all her time in that boutique shop window after devoting so many years to eroding both her standards and spirit. He soon stopped dead in his skip as he laid eyes upon Aki, his posture immediately erecting and his free hand - and phone - meeting his forehead in salute, leaving a small bruise behind. "Mother Hinata! What a pleasant and completely and totally unexpected surprise! If I may inquire, why is your return to base camp so much earlier than anticipated?"

After Aki filled Keroro in, he said "I see. So, when the Janitor has his life story exploited, he gets wads of cash, yet the platoon only receives a mere ten yen for every inspiration you draw from us?"

"Don't even go there, you greedy little wart! _And stop running up our phone bill!_" Natsumi seethed, yanking the communications device from his grasp and venting her frustration with the Janitor by stomping the Sergeant's head in like one would do to a flaming paper bag filled with canine excrement left on their doorstep, except that the fluids that would occasionally squirt out from that overgrown grape that putz called a head weren't as smelly... though their stains were exceedingly difficult to remove.

"Okay, I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I don't know what came over me! I don't envy the Janitor at all! Mo money mo problems, am I right!?" Keroro wailed, saying anything in the hope of stopping his beating.

"And what exactly would a free frogurt entail?" queried the oh so mockful custodian.

"What!?" the shocked frog exclaimed. "Okay, that's just plain unfair. Why can't I at least have one of those?"

"You just don't get it, toad." Natsumi sighed, shaking her head. "Let me explain it to you with my _fists!_" she roared, as she began bombarding aforementioned amphibian's face with punches, while her brother tried desperately to break up the fight. The Janitor grinned to himself, amused at the chaos.

"Put the bestial savagery on pause for a moment, dear, I've got an idea!" Aki exclaimed. Natsumi retracted her fists from the poor frog's face to listen to what her mother had to say, much to the relief of both her abusee and Fuyuki. "I'm off today anyway, so let's all go out! I'll treat everyone to a frozen yogurt, and we can eat them at the park, like a picnic!"

The idea seemed wonderful to Natsumi. She hardly got to see her mother anymore because of her work, and missed these kind of nice, family outings.

"Could... the platoon come, too?" the quest managed to slip past the Sarge's mouth. He was risking another punch from Natsumi, but figured that she might have mercy on him because of the special outing.

"If you wear your anti-barriers, of course!"

Natsumi's face fell slightly. She hated the idea of that snotball with eyes tagging along, but she decided not to dwell on it. Even if he was going to be there, she'd make sure he behaved.

"... And you can invite Koyuki and Dororo if you want to, Natsumi." Aki suggested, tearing the latter away from her thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, sure!" she replied. Okay, so the number of people accompanying was growing a tad large. It would still be a great outing.

"And Fuyuki, if you wanted to invite Momoka, that would fine, too." Aki told her son.

"Okay!" he said, smiling.

"Great! Fox, why don't you tell Giroro about the picnic, and see if he's interested?"

"Sure thing, ma'am!" the Janitor replied, saluting.

"Excellent! Then meet us back here, and we'll all get going!"

Natsumi went white as a sheet as the the last statement struck her. Her mother had just given the Janitor permission to come along as well. Oh god.

What started off as a wonderful outing was turning into a nightmare...

* * *

The Janitor ran into the backyard, where a multitude of disassembled guns lay on a blanket before the footsoldier. "Hey, Corporal!" the Janitor called. Giroro looked up at the man, eyes narrowing instantaneously.

"What do you want, Janitor?" he hissed.

"We're all going on a picnic. Me, the mom, Ken-Ron-Roy, the nerd, tweenage girl Zorro, the gal with diamond-studded soles, and the chick you're in love with."

Giroro's cheeks flushed furiously. "I am NOT in love with her!" he quietly barked.

The Janitor shrugged. "Whatever. So, the mom wants to know if you're in."

Giroro thought about it. He certainly wasn't the gregarious type, but this would be a great chance to spend some time with his fireside potato buddy (mustn't laugh... mustn't even let the faintest titter escape these fair lips of mine, in fear of them being forever sealed... he's a lot handier with a needle and thread than you would suspect). He almost smiled at the thought, but stopped himself when he was reminded of the Janitor's presence.

"Tick tock, little lizard man." he commented, tapping an imaginary wristwatch. Giroro scowled, but decided not to waste his breath explaining that he wasn't a reptile; he knew that the man wouldn't care anyway.

"Yes", the Corporal answered, trying to sound indifferent about the decision, "Yes. I will attend."

"Then you better haul ass." the Janitor told the frog, as he dashed back into the house.

"So, is the Corporal coming?" Fuyuki asked the approaching custodian.

"Can a hamster and a hawk fall in love, get married, raise a family and run a bait and tackle shop together?" the Janitor replied, leading everyone to cock a brow at him. "Short answer is yes. It's a funny story, actually. But, I'll spin that yarn later."

"Yes, I'm sure that'll make for_ a wonderful tale _during the bus ride." Giroro sarcastically grumbled as he entered the house.

"Okay, now, won't you two please just promise me this?" Aki then asked of her children, squatting down before them and placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "You won't try to fight. You will just run. Run fast, run far, and never look back. The witch will stop at _nothing_ to collect her due."

"_What?_" both kids exclaimed.

"Whoops, sorry!", Aki laughed, rising to her feet, "That was meant for a later day. What I meant to say _now_ is 'everyone set to go?'"

"Hang on a moment", said the Janitor, "I just gotta do something else real quick before we shove off."

* * *

The Janitor ran up to the 'teeth' of Kululu's laboratory, and tried his best to replicate the melody of "Nice N Sleazy Does It" before eventually getting fed up and calling out "Kululu! I don't have time for your secret knock! Just open up!"

"Kukukuku... What's shaking, Mr. Tasty-as-bacon?" the frog asked, as he complied with his friend's wishes.

"The mom's taking us on a picnic. I convinced the Corporal to come. Wanna tag along so we can make him wish he was a miscarriage?... Or that his birthing tube was cracked? Or he never left the pod? I'm not entirely sure how you guys come about, nor do I want to be."

The frog grinned. "Of course... But why should we limit ourselves to just _him?_"

The Janitor looked confused. "Explain."

Another nightmare-inducing laugh slithered up the _Simpsons_-shaded reprobate's throat and poured past his lips as he proceeded to produce an orange cell phone from... well, I guess another back pocket of freakin' invisibility. "Just wait and see."

* * *

The Janitor and Kululu met up with everyone in the living room, who themselves were just finishing up getting ready to leave. Natsumi had already called Koyuki and Dororo, both of whom had gratefully accepted the invitation and had dropped from the ceiling not too long ago. Fuyuki had done the same with Momoka, who, of course, jumped at the opportunity to spend time with the pitifully asthenic runt of her dreams.

"So, Kululu's coming with us." the Janitor announced. The pained expressions of two of said insanity-based lifeform's favorite playthings reflected in his hypnotic pince-nez as his giggling head bobbed up and down like that of David Lynch's chicken stabilizing its visual surroundings.

"And, I'm pleased to announce that my acquaintance, Saburo, will also be attending." he informed them. It was at that moment when both Natsumi and Giroro's expressions changed: the latter's was one of fury, while the former's was one of embarrassment. The Janitor noticed a blush forming on her face, and realized what Kululu had done. He didn't know who this Saburo guy was (yes, he forgot already), but he was guessing his presence wouldn't be all that fun for her or the Corporal.

"And, to add to the _wonderful _news", Kululu continued, "He's bringing his new fiancée."

Now Natsumi's face was one of fury. Giroro, however, was grinning madly. The frog steadied himself against the wall, trying not to pass out from the single greatest piece of news he had ever heard in his life. _'So... that nancy boy's engaged, is he?'_

Oh, this was going to be an interesting picnic indeed.


	7. Our Picnic, part II

**CHAPTER 7:**

******"Our** Picnic, part II"

* * *

It was noontime when the Hinatas, the platoon, Koyuki and Dororo, Momoka, accompanied by Paul, and the Janitor arrived at the park. It was a tranquil little area, perfect for picnics, that was surrounded by luscious plant life, and was up a hill, which gave everyone a picturesque view of the city.

Since Saburo was coming, and bringing his fiancée, the platoon dropped the idea of using their anti-barriers, and instead donned their suit suits. And while they did give them the appearance of a human... it was only from the neck down. Everyone hoped that Saburo's girl wouldn't pay too much attention to the frogs' faces.

Natsumi, Fuyuki, Giroro, Keroro, Tamama, Momoka, Dororo and Koyuki sat at one of the park's wooden tables, eating their frogurts. Momoka was as happy as could be, sitting next to her secret love while he prattled on and on about how the majority of world leaders are actually shape-shifting reptilian monsters in disguise. The same went for Tamama, who was sitting beside his beloved Sergeant.

"Watch it, Private!", Keroro chided his subordinate as he made his attempt to discreetly scoot closer to him, "You almost made me spill my frogurt!"

"Sorry, sir!" Tamama apologized. He gazed at his leader as the frog sloppily shoveled frogurt into his mouth by the spoonful. "... You're so beautiful..." he dreamily muttered.

"What?" Keroro asked, his eyes going wide.

"I... uh... was talking about the scenery, sir!" the young frog nervously spluttered.

"Oh." Keroro nodded in understanding, before shrugging. "Meh. I've seen better."

Paul was planted at the edge of the hill, his posture rigid and his arms folded behind his back as he silently watched over the serene city, like a sheepdog over his flock. His gaze drifted towards the picnic table where Momoka was sitting at when he heard her giggle. She and Fuyuki were deep in conversation, no doubt about something supernatural, and the old butler found the corners of his moustache rising with his cheeks as he smiled at the two.

"And what are you up to, Salvador Dali?"

"Pardon?" Paul asked, his brow furrowing as his gaze shifted to his left and saw that the Janitor had strolled up beside him.

"Salvador Dali. Prominent Spanish surrealist painter born in Figueres, Spain. Lived from 1904 to '89. Had one hell of a _el labio vademecum_. That's 'lip tickler' in Español, in case you're wondering."

"I wasn't. Now, leave", Paul ordered, "You're irritating me considerably."

"That's kind of what I'm about."

"I think it would be in your best interest to _leave me be._"

"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Temper, Rollie Fingers, temper."

Paul scowled at the man. "I should expose you, you know", he whispered to him, "Inform Mrs. Hinata that that quaint rustic she knows as Fox Beckwith is nothing more than a mere fabrication of your sordid mind."

"Well, you could, Floyd Pepper, but I never pegged you for the type of fella' who ran off to tattle to his mommy."

Paul scowled even more, if that's possible, as he resisted the urge to grab the impertinent and infuriating custodian by the collar and fling him over the edge of the cliff. "I utterly abhor you with every single fiber of my being." he coldy informed him.

"I know." the Janitor smirked, before ambling away.

Natsumi stared into space, as she absentmindedly ate her frogurt. Damn that Kululu for inviting Saburo. Damn him and the Janitor. No doubt he played a part in this too.

Giroro took notice of Natsumi's frustrated expression, which seemed to be getting angrier with each passing second. It didn't take a genius to know why.

It was all because of that damn pretty boy, Saburo.

Yes, it was true Giroro despised him, and was more than estatic when he found out he had gotten engaged, leaving him unavailable for Natsumi, but still... her heart was broken. And while the Corporal hated that kid, if he was the one person who could bring his warrior princess happiness, well... Giroro would rather have her be with him.

The Corporal inwardly growled. That pantywaist had squandered the gift of Natsumi's love. It was one he had been trying to obtain since the first day he met his fiery, pink-haired goddess. Damn Saburo to hell for wasting such a blessing.

Giroro's fists balled up, but he quickly placed them on his lap, hiding them from view. White-hot hatred was building up inside of the frog. Someone had to pay for his sweet Natsumi's distress. Of course, he couldn't harm Saburo, even though he caused it. Natsumi still cared for him deeply... But, then again... She would eventually get over it, and he could easily make his death look like an accident or suicide-

Giroro shook his head, trying to forget about the dark thoughts that just ran through his mind. No, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't ever do something like that.

But the anger of Saburo casting aside Natsumi's love still stayed with him. He needed to release it somehow. He felt like strangling someone. He looked to Keroro. No. Everyone would suspect him... and plus, Keroro is his childhood friend, and deep down, even though he won't admit it, he still cares about him yadda yadda yadda.

Giroro's glare was redirected to Kululu and the Janitor, who were quietly snickering to themselves at a table not too far away from his own. Oh, how he longed to kill them both. But, he couldn't. The platoon needed Kululu. Without that perverted nerd and his astounding intelligence and ability with technology, they would be even more lost.

But the Janitor... oh, he had caused nothing but pain and misery since he arrived. He was nothing but a sadistic dick who got his laughs from the suffering of others. No one would miss him. Not in this world, and his hunch told him not in his home one either. He could sneak up behind him when he was cleaning the toilet... yes... quietly close the door... turn the lock... and then just shove his head into the cool, germ-filled water of the john... hold him under until the last bubble went... bloop... everyone would rejoice! He would be a hero! And Natsumi would fall in love with him and they would make out in his tent-

Giroro shook his head again, harder this time. His thoughts of bloodlust were mixing with his thoughts of... regular lust.

"You okay there, Red?" he heard Natsumi ask. He turned to her, surprised that her focus was on him.

"Yeah, why?" he asked, as if nothing was wrong. Natsumi raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Well, you keep shaking your head, like a dog with a bad flea problem."

"Oh, uh, just dealing with a pesky mosquito." he said, and then slammed his fist on the table. "There, got it."

"I don't see anything..." Koyuki muttered, confused, after Giroro had lifted his hand up from where he supposedly squashed the insect, earning her a glare from the Corporal.

Natsumi finally finished up the last of her frogurt, and was soon just poking the bottom of her paper cup with her spoon, bored. As her gaze lazily drifted upwards to survey the view, she saw something that caused her heart to skip a beat. And not in the good way.

Saburo was walking up the trail, hand in hand with a woman who looked like she should only be out at night, because you'd expect the sunlight to cause her to burst into flames.

She had shoulder-length hair black as a crow's plumage, but with three white streaks running through it, and an array of piercings on her face, which included three on the nose, one on the eyebrow, two on the lip, four on her left ear, and three on the right. Her cadaver-pale skin and brightly colored silicone bracelets strongly contrasted with her skinny jeans and the "St. Vincent" T-shirt underneath her unbuttoned vest, all of which were the same color as the undyed portions of her hair. Natsumi wrinkled her nose in disgust. The others at the table noticed she was staring at something, and followed her gaze. They had the same reaction as her, though they were more shocked than appalled.

"Whoa, looks like Nosferatu's daughter's gone emo." Keroro snarked.

"Shut up, Keroro." Natsumi distractedly mumbled, as her foot roughly made contact with his shin.

"Hey, everybody!" Saburo called out, waving. Aki, Paul, the Janitor and Kululu turned their attention to the arriving couple.

"That the guy?" the Janitor whispered to Kululu.

Kululu nodded. "Yes... but remember, don't be too hard on him... that's my job."

That wasn't exactly true. Saburo had never once actually endured his cruelty. One could even make the argument that the four-eyed yellow devil had a... bit of a soft spot for the boy. But, he would never admit it. Especially not to the Janitor. No, it would be best for him to believe that, like him, he had no heart whatsoever.

"Of course. I know my place... And the girl?"

The demented inventor shrugged. "Torment her however you want."

The custodian flashed a sinister smile. "Excellent..."

Everyone went over to greet Saburo. This was it. The moment Natsumi was dreading. She wanted to gouge Kululu and the Janitor's eyes out for making her go through such an uncomfortable ordeal, and then make them eat them.

Everyone crowded around Saburo and his fiancée. Natsumi could feel her face getting warm as she approached him. Damn it, she was blushing again (seriously? Christ, it's not as if this kid is Zach Woods or Kevin Sussman). Suddenly, she felt a hand gently land on her soldier. She looked up to see Giroro staring down at her. "You okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she whispered back, rather frustrated that her discomfort was that obvious. Giroro nodded and removed his hand, a little hurt.

"Hello, everyone!" Saburo announced, smiling at his friends, "Thank you all so much for inviting us."

"Kukuku! Our _pleasure_." Kululu giggled, casting a glimpse at Natsumi and Giroro.

Saburo smiled at his malevolent friend. "Great to see you, Kululu. Sorry I haven't been around as much since I got back from New York, but I've been... kind of busy." he said, smiling sheepishly, along with his bride-to-be. Natsumi's glare intensified at this remark. "Well, I suppose introductions are in order. Everybody, this is my Madison."

"Hey." the girl said, grinning at everyone and giving them the peace sign.

"_Hello_". Natsumi seethed, her greeting filled with loathing and disgust. However, as everyone was greeting Madison all at once, hers went unnoticed.

"Madison, this is Aki Hinata, her son, Fuyuki, Momoka Nishizawa, her butler, Paul Moriyama, Keroro, Tamama, Kululu, Dororo..."

"... Nice to meet you." Madison muttered, as she lingered on the last four's faces. Nervous by her fixated stare, Keroro decided to say something.

"Are you wondering why our heads look like this?" he asked her, pointing to his face.

Madison's face flushed with embarrassment. "No, no, I..." she trailed off.

"It's quite all right." the Sergeant chuckled. "You see, me and my friends here are actors! We're just wearing our masks for when we later visit the set of our movie!" he lied.

"Oh. Makes sense", Madison shrugged, "So, what kind of movie are you guys doing?"

A look of panic swept over the frog's face. "Er... uh..."

"Let me guess: It has aliens in it, right?"

"Uh, um, yes!" Keroro nodded. He was becoming very nervous with all of these questions. "It's... It's... It's another remake of _Titanic!_"

Natsumi face-palmed herself, as did Giroro. _'Idiot!'_

Madison raised a perplexed eyebrow. "So... they're making another remake of _Titanic..._ and there's aliens in it?"

"Um, I, er, yes. They're taking the movie into a very different direction than the other two. It's going to be set thousands of years in the future... and the Titanic's a spaceship. And the passengers are all aliens and robots. We are currently in talks with the robot from _Wall-E _to play a part." Keroro anxiously fibbed, unable to stop his story.

Giroro came up from behind him, a clearly forced smile plastered on his face. "Now, Keroro, you don't want to give the whole plot away before the film even hits theaters, do you?" he said, laughing as good-naturedly as he could, as he clasped his hand onto the Sergeant's shoulder and dug his fingers into it.

"AHHHHHHbsolutely right, Giroro!" Keroro said, covering up his cry of pain and using all the strength he could muster not to cry again.

"So, I'm guessing another actor?" Madison said to the Corporal.

"Yep", Saburo said, going along with Keroro's story, before deciding to carry on with the introductions, "And this is Koyuki Azumaya, Aki's daughter Natsumi, and-"

He stopped as he came to the unfamiliar american. He scratched his head in confusion, before laughing awkwardly. "Um, I'm sorry, but I, uh, don't really remember you."

"Well, um, you see, he's-" Fuyuki started.

"Fox Beckwith!", the Janitor happily cut in, "I'm a distant relative of the Hinatas."

"Yeah, he's Mom's cousin's wife's step-brother's… adopted brother's... formerly estranged half-brother." Natsumi told them, trying to put as much distance between her family and the Janitor as possible.

"... Right", the Janitor continued, a little miffed, "... And I'm shacking up with them for awhile."

"Huh. Well, nice to meet you, Mr. Beckwith." Saburo said, shaking the Janitor's hand.

"Yes. Yes it is."

Saburo arched an eyebrow at the man. "Well, why don't we all sit down so we can talk?" Aki suggested, motioning towards the tables.

Everyone agreed, and headed towards them. Natsumi, however, stayed behind. Saburo noticed she wasn't with the crowd, and called out to her. "Hey, Natsumi! Aren't you coming?"

Natsumi's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "Yeah, just a sec, I just got to, um, tie my shoe!" she lied.

Giroro couldn't believe Saburo. Not only did he break Natsumi's heart, but he wanted to rub his happiness in her face? The nerve.

And while he knew that that was not actually the boy's intention, as he was blissfully unaware that the girl of the Corporal's dreams was in love with him, that didn't lessen the frog's rage. He decided to go over to Natsumi. He knew she must be hurting. Besides, he didn't want to listen to that pretty boy jabber on and on about how he and vampire girl were so in love. He left the rest of the crowd without a word, hearing as he walked away Madison remarking on how she loved the Janitor's "ironic" uniform.

"Hey, Natsumi." Natsumi heard Giroro say. She looked up from "tying" her shoe to see the frog looking down at her "So… tying your shoe, huh?" he awkwardly commented. He was never good with words.

"Yeah." she lied. Giroro looked down at his feet.

"You know… you don't have to go over there, if you don't want", he told her, "You could do something else. Maybe take a walk or something. I-I c-could come with you, if y-you w-wante-"

"Giroro, would you stop!" she barked at him, though not loud enough for everyone else to hear, "What do you take me for? Some silly, besotted little schoolgirl who isn't strong enough to handle this on her own?"

"N-no, of course not!" Giroro stammered.

"Then stop trying to help someone who doesn't need it!"

Giroro stood there, stupefied. Natsumi marched pass him, but instantly regretted her cruel words. The frog was only trying to help her through this, and how does she repay him? By biting his head off. She walked back over to the still stunned Corporal.

"Giroro, I… I am so, so sorry. I'm just trying to deal with all this stuff right now, and… But still, it was no excuse for how I just acted. I'm just not in a good place right now. I hope you can forgive me for taking my anger out on you."

Giroro blinked a few times, before giving her a gentle, understanding smile. "Of course." he told her. She gave him a meek smile back, glad that he both understood and forgave her, and the two walked back over to the picnic table, where everyone was gathered.

* * *

To Natsumi's surprise, she found listening to Saburo and his hipster emo of a future bride babble on and on not as bad as she thought. Not to say that it still wasn't torturous for her. Hell, she didn't even think _the Janitor _could ever make her as miserable as she was when she listened to the pair blathering away, but it just wasn't as bad as she had imagined it would be.

For the most part, Madison had told everyone about her life in the Big Apple. Natsumi was surprised to learn that while Madison was indeed an artist, she wasn't the kind that she had pictured... she was a _graffiti _artist. And she had gotten into some trouble for "expressing her art" where "the man" deemed it "unfit" quite a few times. Natsumi's self-esteem plummeted even lower at this revelation that the boy of her dreams had chosen a jailbird over her.

Surprisingly though, Natsumi did not find herself hating Madison for any other reason than stealing Saburo's heart. Sure, she had some radical political beliefs and many strange opinions, but, besides that, she was actually a very nice girl.

Thankfully though, she and Saburo were now ready to leave. Natsumi smiled to herself, relieved. Giroro smiled to himself, too. Listening to the two hadn't been exactly a pleasure for him, either.

However, the Janitor wasn't ready for their suffering to end, and while he had quickly grown to dislike Saburo and Madison as well, he was willing to put up with them for a little while longer if it would torture Natsumi and the Corporal some more.

"Well come on, now!", he said to the two as they were bidding their goodbyes, "You've only been here for two hours!"

Only _two? _To Natsumi, it had felt four times as long.

"Why don't ya' stay for a little while longer?" the custodian suggested. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Corporal and Natsumi's faces flash with fury, and grinned to himself.

"Why thank you, Mr. Beckwith, but we really should be going..." Saburo politely declined.

"Aw, come on now! The day is young! Hey, I just got a wonderful idea! Why don't we all do a scavenger hunt?"

"A scavenger hunt?" Fuyuki asked.

"Yeah, we used to do it all the time back home! Well, sort of. The local police would round up the youngins to help 'em look for missing people, but still! Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Well... what do you think, honey?" Saburo asked Madison. Natsumi cringed at the last word.

Madison shrugged. "I'm game."

"Excellent!" the Janitor exclaimed, clasping his hands together, and shooting Natsumi and Giroro a maniacal smile. "I'll start writing up a list of things for you all to find!"

Giroro discreetly walked up to the Janitor, and quietly muttered "I know what you're trying to do. Call this childish game off, and I'll consider sparing you from having a bazooka shoved up your ass."

The Janitor just smirked at him. "What a wonderful idea!", he declared, "Gyro-"

"_Giroro." _the toad angrily corrected him.

"Right", the Janitor muttered, rolling his eyes, before going back to his announcement, "Well, he just suggested a marvelous idea. To make the game more interesting, you will all be paired up with a partner... and have your ankle duck taped to theirs! This will, um, teach you all about teamwork, or something like that."

_'I... will... KILL... him...' _thought both Giroro and Natsumi.

Momoka, however, couldn't be more pleased. "What a great idea! I guess we should all find a partner, then. Let's see, hmmm, I choose Fuyuki!"

The Janitor chuckled. He wasn't doing this to let people pair up with someone they liked. "Oh, I'm awfully sorry, but I'll be choosing who is paired up with who. We want to create new friendships here, not strenghthen old ones! If it ain't broke, don't fix it, am I right?"

Momoka's face went dark. "Paul...", she muttered to her butler, "Fix this..."

"Right away, Miss Momoka." Paul said, and strode over to the custodian. "I think it would be in your best interest to pair up Miss Momoka with Master Fuyuki." he whispered to him.

"Or what?" the Janitor whispered back.

Paul whispered a number of threats into the Janitor's ear, but not one of them made him even flinch. He simply turned to the butler, and whispered back "I defy you to."

Paul glowered at him. He couldn't attack him now, not in front of everyone. He walked back over to Momoka. "Miss Momoka, I think you might need to go with the more... _generous..._ route."

She nodded, and handed Paul a wad of bills from her pocket. The butler walked back over to the Janitor, and discreetly placed the money in his hand. "Miss Momoka hopes that this will help your decision in choosing her partner."

The Janitor grinned. "Maybe it will…"

Paul grinned back, and walked away to inform Momoka of the good news, but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the Janitor mumble "... But then again, it probably won't."

Before he could do anything, the mop jockey announced "All right, let's see... Fuyuki! You're with... The ninja girl."

"Koyuki. Okay, got it!" Fuyuki nodded, walking over to her. Koyuki couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. She was hoping that she would be partnered up with Dororo, or, if not him, Natsumi. Nonetheless, Fuyuki was her friend too, so she wasn't _too_ sad.

Momoka, however, was not accepting this as well as Koyuki was. _She _was supposed to be Fuyuki's partner, not that ninja whore!

No. Koyuki was not to blame here. It was _that man_ who did this. The infuriated teenage girl dug her nails deep into the seat of the picnic table, struggling to push her rage down. He wouldn't be so smug if he got a taste of the Momoka from within!

"Miss Momoka", Paul, bowing slightly, whispered into her ear. "He took the bribe... but stabbed us right in the back."

"Exactly what I would like to do to him right now." Momoka growled, wishing she had a dagger in her hands.

"Okay, Kululu, would you like a chance to decide who's partnered with who next?" the Janitor asked his friend, a dark grin on his face.

"Kukuku..." Kululu snickered, nodding as a maniacal smile curled on his lips. He pondered who he should stick with who. He decided that Giroro would be the perfect victim after he noticed that he was glaring at him and his custodian companion. "How about... Giroro and Saburo? Kukuku..."

Giroro shook with rage as soon as the words were out of the Sergeant Major's mouth. He fought the urge to march up to him, pull out his limbs and beat him to death with them.

"So, looks like you and I are partners, huh?" Saburo said as he approached the Corporal, smiling up at him.

Giroro glared down at the boy. After all this was over... oh, how Kululu and that damn Janitor would pay.

"Good choice." the Janitor whispered to Kululu, as he saw the Corporal's reaction to the decision. Now, who to make miserable now? His glare shifted to Natsumi and that weird girl with the peircings. The Janitor had observed that Natsumi had been giving her the evil eye the whole time she was here. "Okay then, Natsumi, you're partnered up with, um, her!" he said, pointing at Madison.

"Madison." Madison reminded him.

"Right, right, of course, _Madison..._" the Janitor apathetically corrected himself.

"So", Madison said, as she walked over to Natsumi, "Guess you and I are partners, huh?"

Natsumi stiffly nodded, shrieking inwardly. If those two idiots thought they weren't going to pay for this later... they were _sadly _mistaken.

The Janitor was pleased with himself. This was fun. But, he was then distracted from his good mood when he noticed the butler doing subtle hand gestures. As he studied them, he realized he was signing messages to him.

Paul didn't know whether the Janitor understood sign language or not, and he didn't care. This was just a good way for him to vent his frustration with the man.

The Janitor didn't find the things Paul was saying about him amusing, though, and decided to punish him for it. "Hey, Geraldo!", he called out, "You're with Ken-Ron-Roy!"

The Janitor smirked as he saw Paul scowl at this, and his happiness increased when he saw the blue frog, the one who had so carelessly caused the ant problem in the platoon's conference room, seethe as well.

However, the Janitor suddenly realized he might have a problem on his hands. He knew that the rich brat, the Snickers snacker, and the frog with the mask were definitely in the game, but he didn't know if Aki was. She was the whole reason he created 'Fox Beckwith', so he needed to stay on her good side, which meant not roping her into anything she didn't want to do. And if she didn't want to participate, than that meant he had an odd number of players left. "Ma'am?", he said to Aki, "Just wondering, are you playing?"

Aki gave him a smile. "Thanks for the offer, Fox, but I think I'm going to sit this one out and get a head start on tomorrow's script."

The Janitor nodded, forcing a smile. What was he going to do now? He was going to have to leave someone out. _'Hmmm...', _he thought, pondering on who he should let off the hook, _'Maybe that frog with the mask. I'm sure he won't make a big deal about being excluded.'_

Suddenly, the Janitor's problem was solved in the form of a giddy, blonde-haired teenager, who ran up to the group with numerous shopping bags in her hands.

"Mois!" Keroro called out.

"Uncle!" she joyfully called back. The two ran up to each other and hugged, a sight which caused Tamama to almost have a rage stroke.

"Oh, Mois, it's great to see you!", Keroro said, as he broke from the embrace. "... So... is that them in there?" he asked, pointing down at her bags.

She nodded, causing Keroro to smile like he just won the lottery. He snatched the bags from her hands, and started tearing into them excitedly, causing Mois to giggle with delight. "YES!", the Sergeant happily squealed, "My new Gundams!"

Natsumi and Giroro shook their heads in disgust.

"Hey, Mois", Fuyuki greeted the Lord of Terror, "We were wondering where you were."

"I was out buying new Gundams for Uncle, when he texted me, telling me to meet him here once I finished up." she explained. "Speaking of which, why _are_ we all here?"

"Why, we're playing a scavenger hunt!", the Janitor informed her, "We're partnering everyone up right now!"

"Ooooh, I want my partner to be Uncle!" Mois said, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together.

"Well, I'm sorry, little lady, but he's already partnered with Yosemite Sam over there." the Janitor said, nodding his head towards Paul.

"We could switch." Paul suggested, eager not to be partnered with the annoying frog.

"Well, that wouldn't be very fair to Ken-Ron-Roy, now would it?" the Janitor retorted.

"I don't mind switching." Keroro said, as he looked over his new Gundams.

"Sorry, but there's no switching." the Janitor said, trying not to sound as agitated as he now felt. "Tell you what, little lady, you can be partnered with..."

"Stick Tamama with her", Kululu whispered to him, "It will make him ever so furious."

"... Tamama!"

"Well... okay..." Mois said, disappointedly. She really did want to be paired up with Uncle.

_'I'M GOING TO KILL THAT GODDAMN F_[censored]_KING JANITOR FOR PAIRING ME UP WITH _THAT WOMAN!_' _Tamama's mind roared, as he glared at the custodian and the alien girl he hated with so much intensity.

"Okay, and finally, mask boy, you'll be with her." the Janitor told Dororo, pointing to Momoka. He then deviously grinned as he pulled out his roll of scotch tape. "Now, everyone come here, so I can tape your leg to your partner's, and then... the game... shall begin!"

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Let me just apologize for not having updated this in almost a month. However, I do have a very good reason for not doing so... I just didn't feel like it. **

**No, no, I jest, I jest. Seriously, the real reason is that, from the 25th to the 3rd, I was 2,898 miles away from my laptop. My family and I flew out to Holyoke for my Grandfather's funeral.**** And then, when I finally returned home, I experienced some terrible writer's block... I know, excuses, excuses. But, I promise I'll be working extra hard on the next chapter, and hopefully get it posted before the end of this month. **

******Also, I wanted to mention that, not too long ago, I wrote a one-shot called "Reversed". Surprisingly, a lot of people really liked it, and some have even suggested that I make it into a full-length story. So, I've decided that, after I reach the tenth chapter in this story, I'll start working on a spin-off of that one as well. **

**Anyway, until the next chapter, I bid you all a fond farewell.**


	8. His Recollections

**CHAPTER 8:**

**"His Recollections"**

* * *

"I still don't understand why we just didn't take her back to the lab. I could have used my tricorder on her - shorter process and she wouldn't have been subjected to as much radiation." said a voice.

"Because she needed attention _soon_, this pekopon medical station was closer, and it's best for her to be treated by trained professionals of her own kind", replied another, more gruff and belligerent one, "... And as if I'd ever let _you_ examine her. Putting aside the probability that you'll use sleight of hand to implant something in her or somehow remove a vital organ, you're not even a medic! What would you do if it turned out she had a concussion?"

"Well, if ya' ask _me-_" began a third.

"Which no one is."

"-I'd say the best course of action outta be scooping out the damaged goods."

"You mean _the brain?_"

"A brain ain't nuthin' but a fancy word for a skull paperweight, Corporal."

"... That doesn't even make sense! _A skull doesn't need to be weighed down!_"

"All I have to say is that if you had given her to me, it wouldn't have burnt you a hole in your wallet of such size, either. How exactly do you plan to pay for their services?" inquired the first.

"With my little slip-and-fall I foresee happening on our way out I don't think I'll have to." answered a fourth, a woman.

"Now, now, we don't you damaging that beautifully sculpted body of yours. What will I spend my days ogling at, then? Pancakes? I'll only end up eating them and continually having to make stack after stack and it'll be oh so very time consuming indeed. No, I'll just arrange for Fuyuki to meet with an 'accident' at the top of the stairs instead."

"Aw, well aren't you sweet."

"Hey! Don't I get a say in this?" asked a sixth, anxiousness and a dash of indignation in his tone.

"Quiet, boy. You ripped through her nether regions to get here. Consider this your reparation."

"Oh no you don't! If you so much as lay one of your sticky, sweat-lathered hands on him, I can guarantee you _they will end up in my digestive tract!"_ threatened a seventh, this one a female as the fifth was, but much younger.

"You wanna join him, princess?"

"Well, guess you and I are going to be liability buddies then, huh?" sighed the six.

"Liability buddies? As in those who spend all their time by one another's side as they wait for their injuries to heal?" asked the seventh, excitedly.

"Why is it _now_ that you all realize that stairs are the answer?" wondered aloud an annoying, nasally, rage-inducing eighth.

"Ohhhh..." moaned Natsumi, as she started to stir from her deep sleep. Her drowsy eyes had yet to open, but her brain was slowly starting to register where she was... in a bed.

"Natsumi?" the concerned voice of the second uttered her name, as to whomever it belonged tenderly placed their hands on her shoulders. Her eyelids opened ever so slightly, and she saw the worried face of her red defender staring down at her.

"G-Giroro?" she softly muttered.

"N-Natsumi! Oh, praise frog, you're alright!"

"What happened?" she mumbled. Her head was throbbing terribly.

"Are you feeling okay there, sweetie?" inquired her mother, as she appeared beside the Corporal.

"Yeah, sis, how are you?" her brother asked, appearing beside the two, along with Momoka, Keroro and Mois.

"Oh, Natsumi! Thank Hattori Hanzō you're alright! I was so worried!" Koyuki exclaimed, as the ninja girl suddenly appeared as if from thin air and engulfed her friend in a loving, though very, _very_ tight embrace.

"Um, Koyuki, perhaps we should give Miss Natsumi some space right now." Dororo - who had appeared in the same fashion - suggested, trying to, as gently as he could, let his girlfriend know that she was choking the life out of the poor girl.

"I second that notion." Natsumi heard the voice of the third, the one bearing that pseudo-meridional accent she knew all too well, say. She glared up at the Janitor as he approached her, with his spiral-eyed partner in tow. "Well, it's good to see you awake now, little lady. You gave us all quite a scare there."

"She wouldn't have if you two hadn't started that stupid scavenger hunt in the first place!" the Corporal snarled.

"Now, just calm down. What happened was an accident." said Aki.

"I can't remember... what happened..." Natsumi mumbled, her slender fingers gracing the surface of her forehead, where the source of the throbbing was. A bandage was wrapped horizontally around her skull, and she felt something protruding from underneath it.

"That smack in the head must have given you a small touch of amnesia." a woman, dressed in a nurse's uniform, theorized, as she entered the room and strode over to Natsumi. The teenage girl was at first confused by this, before realizing that she had been resting in a hospital unit.

"What happened to me? How did I get this lump on my forehead?" she asked the caretaker.

"You stepped on a rake."

Natsumi blinked, and then cocked a brow. "_What?_"

"You stepped on the end of a rake. The handle flew up and smacked you right in the face."

Natsumi remained silent for a moment, before uttering a very confused "_Huh?_"

"Natsumi, honey", Aki said, "Tell me, what's the last thing you can remember?"

"Well... I remember having my leg taped to... _Madison's..._", she said, speaking the name as if it were some vile disease that had claimed the lives of millions, "... And then after that, it's a complete blank up until now."

"So, you don't remember the scavenger hunt, then?" asked Fuyuki.

Natsumi shook her head. "Lucky." she heard a voice bitterly mumble, and turned her head to see Tamama sulking in the corner, glaring at Mois.

"Why? What happened?" the eldest of the two Hinata children asked her sibling.

And as Fuyuki started to recount, the crimson Corporal thought back to the hunt in the park.

* * *

"There we go, nice and tight!"

The infantryman of the stars glared down at the custodian as he finished tying his leg to Saburo's, struggling mightily not to give into his urge to yank him up by the back of that two-dollar haircut and send his fist down his throat.

"Okay then, that's everyone!" announced the Janitor, rising up from the ground. "Now to draw up that darn list." he muttered, slipping a sharpie marker out of his shirt pocket. "Hey, mask boy!", he called out to Dororo, after he realized that he had nothing to write on, "I don't have no paper or nuthin', so you're gonna have to let me write on your back!"

"But... But..." the ninja stammered, before just sighing and complying. _'Well, at least I'm not being forgotten.' _he consoled himself, as he trudged over to the Janitor.

The custodian decided to huddle with Kululu first, to discuss what should be put on the list. Once they finished, the Janitor jotted down the items on the back of Dororo's suit suit.

"... You've _got _to be kidding..." muttered the Corporal, as he skimmed the list.

"Nope. As serious as my brother was when he confided in me how he done knocked up the Bayou Beast."

"You _honestly_ expect us to bring you a 78-leaf clover, a lock of Queen Elizabeth's hair, the Pope's hat, Aladdin's flying carpet, Freddy Krueger's claw, the flower of eternal life, a Dodo egg, the horn of a Unicorn, the spine of a Leprechaun, the hat of a Gnome, the wart of a Witch, the teeth of a Mermaid, the feet of Sasquatch, a trained Pterodactyl-"

"I guess it doesn't _have _to be trained, but don't come crying to me when it carries you off to be its supper."

"... The lost city of Atlantis", the frog continued, ignoring the comment, "A pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, Amelia Earhart, the head of Fidel Castro, the remains of D. B. Cooper, _the Holy Grail_..."

"Fine, I'll change it. Me and Kululu just thought y'all would like a _real _challenge." the Janitor grumbled, as he crossed out the items and then scribbled down some new ones below them.

"90 lilacs, 50 blades of grass, and 2 caterpillars." the Corporal read.

"Yep. Now get a move on!" the Janitor ordered, shooing them all away.

Everyone went off to gather the items. However, most of them were not really invested in the game, and instead used this time as an opportunity to stroll around the park or visit with friends. Koyuki hung around with Dororo and Momoka, so as to be with her boyfriend, something which Momoka had absolutely no gripes about, since she now had the same opportunity with Fuyuki, while Mois and Tamama were following Keroro and Paul around, both swooning over the Sergeant.

Giroro, however, was eager to finish up as soon as possible.

"Wait, hold up." Saburo told his partner.

"Why?" the Corporal asked him, annoyed.

Saburo did not answer, instead instructing him to kneel down. Giroro begrudgingly obeyed. After he did, Saburo began tenderly plucking blades of grass, one at a time, and placing them in his hand.

"You're picking them _one at a time_?" Giroro asked in disbelief.

Saburo nodded. "Yes, it's quite calming."

The Corporal growled. "I don't care. I just want this frogging game_ to be over with._" he growled, as he dug his fingers deep into the earth and pulled out a clump of grass.

Saburo stared at the Keronian, a look of concern etched on his face. "... Giroro... are you feeling okay?"

But the frog only glowered back at him. "I don't see how that's any of _your _business. Now, come on." he ordered, as he got back up on his feet, forcing Saburo to, too. The Corporal pocketed his clump and the two strode over to one of the many lilac bushes that encircled the park.

"Okay", he said to the boy, "You look for the caterpillars, I'll get the flowers."

Saburo nodded, and cupped his hands over his eyes, scanning the shrubs for any sign of the insects. Giroro rolled up his pant leg, grabbed a machete that was strapped to his artificial appendage, and soon enough, the lilacs began piling at his feet.

As he sliced, and Saburo searched, Giroro noticed that, every so often, the boy would cast a worried glance at him. After a while of this, he became quite fed up with it. "What? What is it? Why do you keep staring at me!?" the frog demanded.

Saburo did not respond at first, instead he just stared at the toad with sympathetic eyes. He then glanced around them, seeing that they were a good sixty feet away from everyone else, who were picking flowers from the shrubs on the other side of the park, giving him and the Corporal some privacy. "What's bothering you, my friend?"

Giroro scowled at the boy. "First of all, I'm not your friend. Second of all, if you've noticed I'm a little tense, that's because that damn janitor roped me into playing this stupid game."

"Come on, Giroro, Mr. Beckwith only wants us all to relax and enjoy ourselves a little bit."

"Oh, open your eyes, already!", Giroro growled, "He only did this to keep you and Elvira over there from leaving!"

Saburo cocked his head in curiousity, his confused expression making him look like a bewildered puppy. "Why would he do that?"

"Because, when you're around, poor Natsumi is miserable, and, frog knows, that man loves it when people are like that."

"But... why would my presence make Natsumi miserable?" Saburo asked.

Giroro scowled even more, his temper rising at the question. After all these years, he _still_ couldn't see it? "Because she's in love with you, you stupid pansy!"

The Corporal instantly regretted the words as soon as they escaped his lips. Saburo's mouth dropped open in shock and his eyes widened at this bombshell. "Wha... what?" he mumbled.

"Nothing... Just forget I said anything and go back to looking for caterpillars..." Giroro ordered.

"Giroro... is what you said true? Natsumi is in love with me?"

The Corporal sighed. He already knew, anyway. "Alright... I'll tell you... But if you mention this to anyone else, I'll embed this machete in your skull faster then you can bat one of those disturbingly feminine lashes of yours... Understand?"

The boy nodded. Giroro sighed again, before explaining how Natsumi had had a huge crush on him for years. "... I... I never knew..."

"Yeah, well, now you do..." the Corporal grumbled, as he continued to slice off the flowers.

After a few minutes of silence between the two, Saburo asked "So, Mr. Beckwith's just using Madison and I as... pawns to torture Natsumi?"

"Yep." Giroro answered, and then cast a glimpse over at the girl. She looked miserable. His heart fell at the sight of her like this. "She doesn't deserve this." he said, unaware that he was speaking out loud. "She deserves all the happiness in the world... nay, the universe!... And right now, she looks like she wants to die... all because of _you!_" he seethed, scowling as he turned his gaze to Saburo. The young boy felt like the frog's glare was piercing his very soul.

"You couldn't love her back, could you? No, you had to go off to New York and get engaged to some Morticia Addams lookalike. You've stolen Natsumi's heart, and you don't even want it! I would give anything to have her love me the way she loves y-"

Giroro stopped himself immediately when he realized what he had just said. Oh, Damn it. Damn it, Damn it, DAMN IT! He had just blown another secret.

After about a minute of silence, Saburo finally whispered "Giroro... do you love Natsumi?"

Giroro winced. "N-no... what would make you think something so stupid?"

"It all makes sense", Saburo muttered, piecing everything together, "... Why you're always so protective of her, why you're willing to risk anything for her, even if it's your own life..."

"Shut up, just shut up!" the Corporal hissed.

"Just tell me... is it true?"

For a moment, it looked like the alien might sucker punch the boy, but instead, he just wearily sighed. He knew he had been caught. Finally, he said "If you ever repeat this to another living soul, I swear to frog, I will shove a flamethrower down your throat and torch your insides like marshmallows. We clear?"

Saburo nodded. Giroro took a deep breath, before admitting "I've loved her since the moment I took her suitcase to the jaw and flew through her bedroom window."

"Wow." gasped Saburo.

The Corporal snarled at him. "Yeah, 'wow'. The ugly little alien got soft and fell head over heals for a beautiful girl that will never, ever love him back. Now, can we please get back to work?"

Saburo was silent for awhile, before he muttered "... You don't know that."

"Know what?" asked Giroro, who wasn't in the mood to talk anymore, but was curious what the kid meant.

"... That she'll never love you back."

Giroro stopped cutting off the flowers, and slowly looked to the boy. "You're kidding, right?"

"No." Saburo shook his head.

The Corporal narrowed his eyes. "How _dare _you..."

"What?"

"Joke around like that... pretend to think that I could _ever _have a chance with her."

"But I _do_ think it's possible. It doesn't matter what's on the _outside_, Giroro. It's what's on the _inside_ that counts."

The frog snickered. "Easy for _you_ to say. Every girl that lays eyes on you turns into a drooling idiot. No doubt that's the only reason your lady went out with you in the first place."

Now it was Saburo's turn to be angry. He felt like slapping Giroro, but decided against it, since he knew that the frog was not in a good state of mind right now. Instead, he decided to explain to him what it was first like with Madison.

"You know, she turned me down, at first." he said.

Giroro was silent for a moment, before uttering "... What?"

"When I first met her, I asked her out, but she said she didn't want to date someone just because they had looks. She wanted to get to know me first before she would even _consider _dating me. So, for weeks, we just hung out, you know? Got to know each other first. And as we did, I found myself falling for her. She didn't seem like she felt the same way, though. I felt like she just saw me as her buddy. And then, one day, out of the blue, she totally surprised me by saying she had gotten to know me well enough, and wanted to know if I would like to attend an Annie Clark concert with her, and, well, the rest is history... The point is, I can't say for sure Natsumi will ever feel about you the way you do about her. But you should never give up hope. Who knows, maybe one day, she'll surprise you."

By the end of Saburo's speech, Giroro was speechless. What he said... felt _real_... It was the first time someone believed that his crush wasn't just some pipe dream. "Um... thanks...", the frog mumbled, "And, uh, sorry about that crack about you and Madison."

Saburo smiled. "Don't worry about it."

"... But, uh, just so you know... I still hate you."

Saburo laughed. "I know."

Giroro gave the boy an awkward grin. He really was grateful for the talk.

"Well, looky what we have here!" Saburo said, pointing to a plump little caterpillar munching on a lilac. Giroro turned his machete sideways and held it below the flower, and used his hand to brush the insect onto it. He grinned at their success, but started to wonder how Natsumi was doing. He glanced over his shoulder to see her and Madison still pulling off lilacs. And they didn't nearly have as many as he and Saburo had.

"Hey, pretty boy..."

"Yeah?"

"Why don't we give the girls a little help?"

Saburo followed the frog's gaze, and saw the girls' limited progress so far. He grinned at the Corporal. "Great idea, partner."

And so, the two walked over to the girls, each greeting the one they loved and helping them out after they gratefully excepted their offer.

* * *

It was hours later when the scavenger hunt finally ended, and everyone brought their items forward. It probably would have been an hour less if Mois and Tamama had spent more time collecting their items instead of following Keroro around for the majority of the hunt. The Private was now in a very sour mood from having had nothing to distract him from being tied to the alien girl he hated with all of his heart.

To keep the suffering going about for a little while longer, the Janitor decided that, before he would seperate everyone, he had to make sure each team had brought forth the correct amount of items, and was counting extra slowly. After he had finished counting the last of Paul and Keroro's items, the Sergeant proudly presented the Janitor with an elegantly wrapped box.

"I think you'll find I went above and beyond for you, sir!" the frog proclaimed.

"And how's that?" the Janitor asked, sounding very unconvinced.

"Because, I took the liberty of obtaining one of the more _challenging _items. I present to you: the head of Fidel Castro!"

Paul raised an eyebrow at his partner as he handed the box over to the custodian. "But we never even left the park!"

Keroro waved him off. "Looks like your age is catching up with you there, Paulie, if you can't remember our little trip to Cuba..."

Paul scowled at the frog, who was grinning smugly as the Janitor opened up the box. After he did, he shot the Sergeant a scowl that rivaled Paul's. "This is just a head of lettuce with a fake beard glued to it", he said, before looking at the label hanging from the lid of the package, "And this doesn't even say 'Castro'. It says 'Hitler'... and 'Hitler' is spelled wrong!"

"Er... uh... Well, you see... Bye!" the toad stammered, turning and attempting to make a dash for it, but instead falling to the ground, and bringing Paul with him.

The Janitor shook his head and sighed. _'Pathetic.'_

Mois and Tamama instantly rushed over to Keroro and helped him up. "Oh, Mister Sergeant!" Tamama said, worriedly.

"Uncle, are you alright?" Mois asked.

"Um, yes, fine, thank you." Keroro mumbled, humiliated.

"I'm fine too, _thanks for asking_." Paul grumbled.

"Here Uncle", Mois whispered to the frog as she handed him something, "Present this as your own. We found that claw thing Mr. Janitor was asking for!"

Keroro's face lit up. "Thanks, Mois!" he whispered back to her.

"No, wait Mister Sergeant! She didn't really! She just thinks-"

"Not now, Tamama!" Keroro hissed, before turning back to the custodian. "Well, 'Fox', looks like you fell for my little joke!"

"Joke?" the Janitor asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yep." Keroro nodded. "That whole Castro's head thing was just a prank. Here's the _real _item that will impress you... Freddy Cougar's claw!"

"Krueger, Sarge." Fuyuki corrected.

"Whatever. Anyway, here it is!" Keroro said, as he handed the object Mois had given him over to the Janitor. He shut his eyes, grinning to himself, waiting for the praise to come.

"It's a rake." the Janitor flatly said.

The Sergeant's eyes shot open. "_What?_" he asked, dumbfounded.

"It's just a rake." the custodian reiterated, as he dropped the ordinary gardening tool to the ground.

"Oops", Mois said, slapping her palm to her forehead, "Sorry, Uncle. My mistake."

"Yeah, it is", the Private muttered, "You stupid little bit-"

"Well, at least the game is over", Natsumi sighed, as she and Madison walked over to the Janitor, "Now, can you please separate u-"

She was cut short as the rake handle flew up and smacked her in the face. She collapsed to the ground, knocked out. "Natsumi!" Giroro shouted with concern, as he rushed over to his unconscious love. "Natsumi!"

* * *

"... And that's what happened." Fuyuki finished, tearing Giroro from his thoughts.

"Luckily though, your CT Scan showed no signs of a concussion, so you're free to go." informed the nurse.

Giroro let out a sigh of relief, though quickly tried to make it seem like he was just clearing his throat.

"Natsumi, why don't you change out of that hospital gown, then we can get you back home, so you can rest." Aki suggested.

Natsumi gave her mother a soft, tired smile. "That sounds great."

"Um... I h-held on to your c-clothes for you." Giroro said, grabbing her neatly folded stack of clothes that he had placed on one of the sitting chairs in the room and handing them to her.

"Thanks, Red. I can always count on you..." she muttered. Giroro couldn't help but smile.

"Okay, everyone, let's give Natsumi some privacy!" ordered Aki. "Fuyuki, why don't you call Saburo and Madison, and let them know Natsumi's alright."

Fuyuki nodded as he slipped his cell from his pocket and dialed as he walked out into the hallway, along with everyone else. "Goodbye, Natsumi! Once again, so glad you're okay!" Koyuki told her friend, as she gave her one more tight hug before leaving.

"Me too, kiddo." the Janitor added, in his accent that was as false as his concern. Natsumi gave him and Kululu a cold, icy glare as they filed out of the room.

"Hey, Giroro?" she called out after the Corporal.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning back and kneeling down beside her bed, so that they were at eye level.

"Just... thanks." she said, smiling sweetly.

"I-I... I only held onto your clothes for you. It's no big deal." he said, blushing again as he looked down. Natsumi gently lifted his chin up so the two were staring into each other's eyes again.

"No, I mean... thank you for helping me out during the hunt. You didn't have to, but you still did... so... you know... thanks..."

The Corporal blushed even more. "Sure... N-No problem."

She smiled at him, before pulling him into a hug. _'Don't faint. Don't faint. Don't faint. Soldiers don't faint, so don't do it!' _his mind ordered him. Soon, she released him from her embrace, and he walked out of the room without a word... though he still shot her a small grin as he closed the door.

* * *

On the bus ride home, with lassitude's thumb on her, Natsumi's mind soon ceased activity and transported her to the same level of consciousness where this whole story began - albeit in a much more preferable scenario than being caught in the middle of an all-out spat between every corner of her universe. Muscles relaxing, her head rolled to the side and, almost like a butterfly on a flower, softly landed on the shoulder of he who had and still so interminably protected her and every single strand of hair that lay against him.

Already exhibiting the flexibility of a board, he, at first, stiffened further, but eventually grew lax and just enjoyed having the girl of his dreams use him as her pillow to enter into her own. Once again, he found himself thinking back to his conversation with Saburo at the park, and smiled at the memory. Maybe that pubescent pretty boy _was_ right... maybe, one day, however unlikely, she _would _love him back...

Hey... he could always dream, right?


	9. Our Duel

**CHAPTER 9:**

**"Our Duel"**

* * *

The Janitor cautiously stepped out of Kululu's laboratory, looking around the area, checking for any signs of that ballistic teenager. Thankfully, from what he could tell, there weren't any.

_'Probably left for school.'_ the custodian figured. Of course... she could still be lingering around the house, just waiting for him to leave the safety of the lab.

Well, if she did try anything, he'd just use his spray bottle on her. And man, did that cleanser in there _burn_.

As he made his way through the frogs' base, he thought back to earlier this morning. Right after her mother was out the door, that Natsumi girl went bananas, and went after him and his alien companion. Probably revenge for tormenting her yesterday.

She almost reminded him of that feisty nurse back at Sacred Heart... Carrie? No... Carlos? True, it would fit a Dominican, but that name was normally reserved for the ones with bulges situated below the belt, not above... Gosh, what was it? Canary? Crabgrass? Cantaloupe?... Maybe it was Carla... or something to that tune... The only difference was that this girl was much, _much _more violent...

Luckily for him though, he was able to escape from her clutches. Kululu... well... wasn't as fortunate... But still, he was his ally, so he had to go back and save him.

He was able to distract the girl by reminding her that if Ken-Ron-Roy hadn't brought him into this world in the first place, then he wouldn't have been around to inform Kululu about the picnic, and thus a lot of misery could have been avoided. She fell for it, and went after that green idiot instead.

"_This is all your fault, you stupid frog!_", the custodian heard the girl screech, as he carried his wounded comrade down to the lab, "What were you thinking, opening up gateways to other worlds like that!?"

"D-Don't b-b-blame m-me!", he heard the toad sob, "It's Tracy Tormé and Robert K. Weiss' fault! I came up with the idea after watching an old rerun of _Sliders!_"

But, of course, nothing the Sergeant said could save him from the girl's wrath.

After a couple hours of sitting around the lab, watching Kululu tend to his injuries (although, much to the custodian's surprise, the frog revealed that he actually _enjoys _being pummeled, even offering him the chance to cover him with a few more bruises), cabin fever eventually took over, and he needed to get out of there. How Kululu managed to stay cooped up in there all day, he'll never know.

The Janitor silently crept into the living room, when, suddenly, he heard a groan upstairs. Deciding to investigate, he climbed up the steps. As he was nearing the top, something groaned again, before stumbling out in front of the stairway. In the haste of the moment, the Janitor quickly spayed the person in the face with his spray bottle. Only after did he realize it was only Keroro. "Phew." he sighed, wiping his brow in relief.

"AW, GOD! IT BURNS! IT **BURNS****!**" Keroro wailed. In his stumbling, he accidentally plummeted down the stairs. "The pain... such horrible pain...", the barely alive Sergeant, already bloody and bruised from Natsumi's beating, whimpered, "Make it stop... please... please, for the love of all things holy, make it stop..."

"Can't", the unconcerned custodian replied as he sauntered down the stairs, "Wouldn't if I could, either."

The frog's ragged breathing began to die down, until it stopped altogether. "Hey, come on", the Janitor sighed, annoyed, "If you're going to die, don't do it in the middle of the floor. People could trip."

Still getting no response, the custodian kicked the Sergeant in the ribs. "Wake up, you lazy bum!"

Keroro clutched his side where the Janitor had kicked him and let out a small, pained moan. "Wha... what happened?... I was in a tunnel... with a bright light... the kind you get when a Gundam model glares in the sun... I think my Gram-Gram was there..."

Having made sure that he was alive, the Janitor walked away from the space toad badly in need of medical attention. "Please... call a hospital..." the frog pleaded.

"Your arms aren't broken, do it yourself." he retorted.

"Actually, I think they might be..." Keroro groaned.

"Yeah... well... it's still not my problem!" he shot back.

"Can... c-can you at least..." the Sergeant said, trailing off as he was slowly slipping into unconsciousness.

The Janitor rolled his eyes, and let out a frustrated sigh, before turning back around. _'Damn my compassion.'_

"Okay, what? What is it?", the custodian dryly asked, "I don't have all day, you know."

"Can you get... Gir... Gir..."

"A gear? Why the hell would you want a gear right now?"

Keroro shook his head. "Giro... Giro... The Corporal..."

"Ah." the Janitor nodded, finally understanding. "No."

"B-But why?"

"He's too far away."

"He's right there in the backyard... you only have to walk through the kitchen and slide open the door to call him... you could even just go into the kitchen, and wave your arms until you get his attention and he comes in..."

"Okay... I wanted to spare your feelings, but I see I have no choice but to tell you the truth... I just don't want to."

And with that, the Janitor stepped over the frog, went out the front door, grabbed the newspaper on the porch with one hand, picked up a lawn chair in the other, and made himself comfortable in the front yard.

* * *

"Giroro!"

The frog looked up from polishing his guns to see Mois carrying Keroro, who looked like he'd been beaten half to death, in her arms. "He piss off Natsumi again?" the unconcerned Corporal asked, knowing full well what the answer was.

"I'm not sure! I just found him laying on the ground like this. Oh, Uncle!" she wailed, softly sobbing as she cradled him in her arms.

"Calm down, Mois. He's been through much worse." Giroro half-heartedly commented.

"**DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN MY POOR UNCLE IS HURT!**" she bellowed, startling the Corporal so much he fell off the cinderblock he was sitting on. "Oh, Uncle! I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you from Natsumi." she apologized to the injured frog.

"It... wasn't... all... her..." Keroro muttered.

"What?" asked Mois, surprised. She held Keroro out in front of her, staring into his bruised, swollen eyes. "Who else did this to you? Uncle, answer me!"

She softly shook the half-conscious toad, until he spoke up. "The... Janitor... burned me... made me... fall down... steps... kicked me... in... ribs... left... me for... dead... ooohh...", he moaned, "... I've lost, like, a gallon of blood..."

"That mean Mr. Janitor _again?_" she seethed. White-hot rage coursed through the normally easy-going alien girl's veins. It was an anger that only came about when someone had hurt her precious Uncle as much as this. She dropped the Sergeant to the ground, whipping out her cellphone-disguised weapon of unfathomable destruction and furiously punching in the numbers 1-9-9-9-7, transforming it into its true form, as she did with herself. "THIS TIME, HE SHALL NOT BE SPARED FROM THE LORD OF TERROR'S WRATH!" she declared, her voice carrying to the heavens, before grabbing Keroro by the arm and demanding "Where is he?"

The frog weakly mumbled "The... front...", before passing out. Mois dropped him to the ground again and ran off to reek her wrath on that mean ol' custodian.

As much as he would have just loved to let Mois fry that damn Janitor, Giroro didn't know if a pekoponian could survive that, and he couldn't risk finding out... Or could he?... No, like I said, he couldn't. "Mois! Wait!" the Corporal called out to the Lord of Terror, stopping her in her tracks. She spun back around towards him, a look of fury in her eyes.

"_What?_" she asked, impatiently.

"Why don't you let me talk to him, instead?" he suggested.

"No! I must personally make him pay for hurting my dear, sweet Uncle!"

"Mois", Giroro said, as calmly as he could as to not upset her and get fried himself, "Why don't you let the men sort things out, and you can work on nursing Keroro back to health?"

Mois pondered this. She really wanted to make that Janitor pay for what he did... But Uncle _did_ need his wounds treated... On the plus side, if she did decide on the latter option, she would be spending a lot of quality time with him...

"Okay. I'll take care of Uncle instead." she told the Corporal, as she tenderly scooped Keroro up in her arms and took him inside.

After the two had gone back into the house, Giroro put on his anti-barrier, and marched out to the front, where he found the custodian sitting in a lawn chair, his hands folded on his lap and his eyes closed.

"Wake up. Now." the frog ordered, but got no response. "I SAID WAKE UP!" he shouted. Alas, the sleeping man did not even stir. _'Maybe he's dead.' _the Corporal thought to himself, a grin curling on his lips. To test his theory, he loudly announced that he was going to shoot the Janitor in the leg if he didn't awaken. Still getting no response, the frog ran back to his tent, grabbed one of his freshly polished guns, and headed back out to the front, to make good on his threat. _'If a bullet to the leg doesn't wake him up, he's definitely dead.'_

As the Corporal turned the corner of the house, he was met with a blast of water which sent him to the ground. He sputtered and gasped as he tried to get up, but the pressure from it was too strong. After what seemed like aeons, it finally stopped. The frog wiped his eyes as best as he could, and when he opened them up he saw the Janitor standing before him, a smirk on his face and a garden hose in his hand.

"How's _that_ for a response, Corporal?"

"**DIE, JANITOR, DIE!**" Giroro roared, his voice filled with such rage he sounded like little Regan MacNeil after playing with the Ouija board.

"Hey, I didn't know you spoke German! Nun, steckte die Waffe weg, oder ich werde den Schlauch auf Sie wieder verwenden."

The Corporal raised his gun, but before he could pull the trigger he was again met with the familiar force of the water pinning him down to the ground. "Stop spraying me!" he managed to say.

"Ich habe dich gewarnt." the Janitor replied, as he shut off the hose. "Geez, what's got your helmet in a bunch?" he asked, noticing the frog's death glare. Getting no response, the custodian let out an annoyed sigh. "Is this about me shaving your cat?"

Giroro's eyes widened in absolute horror. "WHAT!?"

"Mrs. Furbutt, or whatever?"

"_You shaved Ms. Furbottom!?_"

"Yeah. She shouldn't have been rubbing up against my leg. She got her cat hair on my uniform. It was high time she learned that fur is a _privilege_, not a _right_."

"That's it! I'm taking you down!" Giroro declared. In an instant, the frog leapt up at the Janitor, tackling him to the ground, and pressed the business end of his firearm firmly to the custodian's forehead. "Enjoy the luxury of not being engulfed in eternal flames while you can, because pretty soon dew and pesticide won't be the only things coating this lawn!"

The Janitor only chuckled derisively. "Oh, Corporal. Guns are nice and all, but there's one weapon in the whole universe that even _you_ don't have, but _I_ do. And I'm afraid it's unbeatable."

"I _highly_ doubt th-"

The Corporal was cut short as the Janitor smacked him in the head with something _very_ hard, _very_ fast. Giroro fell off of him, landing on the grass, clutching his skull as if to keep it from splitting open. The Janitor stood up, smirking at the frog's defeat. Giroro gazed up at the triumphant custodian, focusing his blurred vision on the item in his hand.

"Did you just... hit me in the head... with a _wrench?_"

"This is no mere wrench, my friend. No, this is something far more powerful - a _Knife_-Wrench!"

Giroro arched an eyebrow at the man, as he continued on, marveling at his little hybrid of tool and blade. "Ain't it great? Now I have the option of either smacking someone in the noggin with the wrench end, like I just did to you, or stabbing the blade into their belly and gutting 'em like a fish. You see? KNIFE-WREEENCH! Practical _and _safe." he bragged, as he slid it back into his pocket, accidentally piercing his leg in the process. "Dagnabbit. You'd think I would've remembered not to put it in that way..." he said, trying not to let the pain get to him.

"You're... You're a _mad man..._"

"_Mad man... _or _visionary? _Eh? Made you think, didn't I?"

"THAT'S IT!", the Corporal roared, "I've met a lot of people in my life, but I can safely say, without one shred of a doubt, that you are the worst person, _living or dead_, I have ever known!"

"Wow...", said the Janitor, in awe, "... _What an honor._"

"AGGGGGHHH!" screeched the anguished frog, dropping to his knees. "Okay, you know what? I don't need this!... Especially from a man who has a tattoo of a _mop _on his thigh!"

The Janitor scowled. "Natsumi told you, didn't she?"

"It's your own fault she saw it! You should've locked the bathroom door!"

"Well, she still didn't have to blab about it to ya!... Eh, I should have seen it coming. You two _do _share everything with each other... Well, _she _shares everything with _you _at least. You still have that one little secret you haven't told her about..."

Giroro fumed. "You're deluding yourself, Janitor. Natsumi's just a friend!"

"So, you admit it!", the Janitor said, pointing an accusing finger at the toad, "Friends with the _enemy_... I gotta say, the way you're always yammering on and on about your whole invasion thing, I would have never pegged you for a _traitor_..."

"I am _not _a traitor!" Giroro barked, furious.

"Yes, you are, Corporal. Either way you look at it, you are. Whether you've fallen head-over-heels for her, or you've befriended her, you're still stabbing your own kind in the back... figuratively, of course. Not like with an actual knife... or a KNIFE-WREEENCH!"

The Corporal seethed with anger... That damn Janitor was right. As much as he hated to admit it, as much as he wanted to deny it, he _was _a traitor...

No... he couldn't think like that. Yes, he had fallen for Natsumi, but he loved his mission as much as he did her, if not more! And if he had to choose it over her, he would!

... Right?...

"You just had an epiphany, didn't ya?" asked the Janitor. "Yep, I know the feeling. When everything finally becomes clear to you, and your mind is one with the macrocosm. I used to get them all the time back home, back when I still had my roof toilet..."

"You're wrong!" the frog shouted, interrupting whatever crazy thing the custodian was rambling on about. "The Invasion is the most important thing to me!" he declared, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than the Janitor.

"_Really? _Well, guess I'm mistaken then. So, during those quiet evenings by the fire, roasting sweet potatoes with her, you're just simply... pumping her for information?"

The Corporal's face reddened, both from embarrassment and rage. "... T-That's exactly right!"

"Hmmm. Uh-huh. _Sure._" the Janitor mumbled, not believing a single word. "Well then, riddle me this: if she doesn't hold the key to your heart, then what's the deal with that recurring dream of yours where you've been wounded in battle, and Nurse Natsumi comes in to fix you up, commenting on how much of a gallant and virile fella you are until she hops on top of you and starts smothering you with smooches?"

Giroro's face flushed even more. "_How could you possibly know that!?_" he asked, the ineffable sense of violation he felt evident in his voice.

"I'm your father." the Janitor sarcastically answered.

The disturbed Corporal stared incredulously at him as he opened up his arms, motioning for him to embrace him.

But how _could_ he know that? The thought buzzed around Giroro's mind like a bothersome bee... he sure as hell never told anyone about his dreams... especially _that_ one... he only wrote about them... _in his journal..._

The frog shook with rage as he realized the Janitor must've snuck into his tent and stole it from him. "You took my journal, you thief!"

The Janitor grinned. "Took you long enough..."

"GIVE IT BACK!"

"Or what?"

"... I... will... _KILL..._ you..." the Corporal warned, pure and utter hatred gleaming in his eyes.

"I'm hearing a lot of talk, but seeing no action."

Giroro then let out the fiercest, loudest battle cry he ever screeched, and charged towards the custodian like a bull out of hell... only to be smacked in the head by the Knife-Wrench once again.

"Saved again. And I owe it all to my trusty KNIFE-WREEENCH!" the custodian sang.

Giroro groaned in agony, as he rubbed his sore face. "Give me back muh journal..." he slurred, as he staggered to his feet.

But the Janitor just shook his head. "Nope! And now that I finally have some evidence of your little crush, things are going to be different. _A lot _different. From now on, you will be my very own personal slave!"

"_The hell I will..._" the frog slurred again.

"You're right... _servant_ sounds better. And less racist. Now, let's lay down the ground rules. From now on, you will address me only as _'Lord Janitor'_. Or 'Your Highness'. Or 'My King'. And you have to do anything I tell you to. _Anything. _And that includes lending me your weapons when I go squirrel hunting. Normally, I just use walnuts and a boxing glove, but a bazooka probably proves more effective."

"Screw you, Janitor!" Giroro sneered, spitting at his feet.

"Um, do you have sponges in your ears? It's _'Lord Janitor' _now. Or 'Your Highness'. Or 'My Ki-"

"You're insane! And you can forget about blackmailing me! I'll get my journal back, just you wait! And when I do, I'll hide it somewhere you'll never find it! Never, ever!"

"Under the couch?" the custodian guessed.

Giroro blinked, stunned, before spewing out a number of curses. "Okay, fine! I'll just burn it!"

"I don't think so", the Janitor said, shaking his head, "And for interrupting and insulting me, I'm gonna have you do one of the tasks I had planned for you right now. One I'm sure you'll find none too pleasant. You march yourself down to Kululu's lab right this instant, and kiss him as passionately as you would Natsumi!"

A look of pure horror and disgust crossed the toad's face. "_**WHAT THE FU**_-"

"I promised him I'd make you do it", the Janitor explained, "Personally, I don't know what he sees in you. He could do _a lot _better."

Giroro was very nearly close to popping a blood vessel. "You go tell that perv _I'm straight! _And even if I wasn't, I wouldn't go for him _in a million freakin' years!_"

"What about a trillion?"

"NO!"

"Well, who would you go for then?... Fuyuki?"

Giroro's eyes went wide with disgust. "_WHAT!? _Why would you even think that!?"

"I dunno", the Janitor shrugged, "I figure that since you have the hots for the Mom's daughter, if you went the other way, then-"

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" the Corporal commanded, as he tried to push the unwanted thoughts of doing romantic things with the boy out of his mind.

"What? Would you go for Ken-Ron-Roy instead? Or the Snickers snacker? Or the masked one?"

By this point, the crimson alien had turned almost as green as his platoon leader. He fell to his knees, slapping a hand over his mouth as he did, to keep from spraying vomit everywhere like a sprinkler. It wasn't as if he was homophobic or anything, but the thoughts of doing those kind of things with them... it was too much for even a battle-hardened warrior like him to handle.

"Geez, Corporal. With all the wars you've been through, I would've guessed you had a stronger stomach. Or maybe this is bringing back some old memories of lonely nights with the platoon?..."

With a strained swallow, he managed to send the contents of his stomach back from whence they came, and then asserted "WE NEVER DID ANY OF THAT KIND OF STUFF!"

"Alright then, I was mistaken... Maybe it's bringing back memories of space college?"

"Just give me back my damn journal!", the Corporal demanded, "Or I'll... I'll..."

"You'll what?" the custodian mockingly asked.

Giroro's mind was racing, trying to think of what he could do, when suddenly, he realized that he had the solution to his problem... he had dirt on the Janitor too.

"You give me back my journal, Janitor... and I won't spill the beans to Ms. Hinata about who you _really are..._"

The Janitor just stood there, unfazed. "Go ahead. I'll just lie my way out of trouble. I always do."

At this, something inside the little frog snapped. It seemed like this man was simply unbeatable. As a soldier, he was taught that _everything_ had a weakness, but now... in the short time of knowing the Janitor... he was starting to doubt that...

He threw all his respect out the window as he began throwing a tantrum, stomping on the grass like a toddler while letting loose a string of expletives from every corner of the universe.

"Man... you must _really _want that journal back." the custodian commented, as he observed the space invader's conniption.

"Oh, _you think!?_"

As the air was once again filled with profanities, an idea was forming in the Janitor's mind. "Corporal... how would you like a chance to get your precious little journal back?"

Giroro was silent. He was, of course, leery of this offer, which was no doubt probably just a gambit to further bedevil him, but he knew he would regret not at least asking about what could very well free him from being under the Janitor's thumb. Finally, he asked "What would I have to do?", before adding "And if you tell me I have to make out with Kululu, I'll kill the both of you!"

The Janitor chuckled. "No, you'll only have to do that if you _lose _our little bet."

"So, a game of risk will be my onerous in keeping my secret, then?"

"Yep. It's as simple as a Beckwith-spoken sentence: you bet that you'll be alive tomorrow at 9:00, and I bet that you'll be dead. Okay?"

Before any life could be given to a reaction, the vertically superior one pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his head towards his shoes, lightly shaking it. "Oh, wait, no, hold the wire. Sorry, that's the one I've got going with Sgt. Lorne Green."

"Well, concerning the one pertaining to me, what are the terms?" the Corporal asked, narrowing his eyes.

The Janitor grinned, then took out a blue dishwashing glove hanging out from his back pocket, and slapped the Corporal across the face with it. "Did you just bitch slap me with that thing!?" the outraged frog yelled.

"No, I did not, sir. I challenged you!", the custodian explained, "And if I were you, I'd be a little more appreciative for using _this_ glove to do so instead of my gauntlet."

"What do mean you challenged me? To what?"

"Why, to a duel, of course!"

Giroro was silent for a moment, looking up at the man as if he were an escaped patient from a psych ward - a theory which probably didn't stray that far off from the truth - before bursting into a fit of laughter. "What's so funny?" the Janitor inquired, his brow furrowing.

"You're challenging _me _to a duel? _Me? _A _Corporal._ In the _Keron Army. _Heh. You truly must be mad, sir."

"Really? Because I recall, not but 10 minutes ago, that I took you down like an overzealous girl scout."

"Shut up! You just got lucky!", the Corporal growled, before quietly mumbling, "... _Twice_..."

"Well, is this luck, then?"

Before the Corporal could ask him what the hell he was talking about, he got smacked in the forehead by that damn Knife-Wrench again. "Son of a bitch!" Giroro wailed, clutching his throbbin' noggin. "Fine", he seethed, using every last ounce of his will power to keep himself from attacking the custodian, "I'm game. Let's do this thing."

"No. Not now. We shall meet back here at dawn. Make sure to bring your rapier."

"What the - ? Cut the medieval Pekopon crap! We're dueling right now!"

"But doing it at dawn is so much more _dramatic_."

"Come on! Don't be a sissy! If you want to fight me, then do it now! Or are you _chicken_? Eh? Are you a chicken? COCKA COCKA COCKA CAWWW!" the Corporal obnoxiously cawed, as he did his impression of the earth animal while clapping his hands together in a seal-like fashion and kicking back his feet.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked the Janitor, an eyebrow cocked at the frog.

"I'm doing... a chicken dance..." the frog explained, somewhat embarrassed that he had to.

"That's not how a chicken sounds. Chickens don't clap."

"Whatever! Let's just duel already!"

"Fine. If that's the way you want it. I'll go get my rapier. Be right back."

"_Actually_... I was thinking of dueling somewhere else."

The Janitor turned back to the frog, his hands planted on his hips. "And where would that be?"

The Corporal gave the man a vicious grin.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight... you frogs have a whole _planet _just for roughhousing?" the Janitor asked, looking around the barren, rocky terrain of the world that they had transported themselves to through using Kululu's "Parallel Universe-a-tron" (which, apparently, was entirely different from the device that had brought the custodian into the frogs' lives in the first place, but he didn't bother asking how), and was somehow stored inside of Ken-Ron-Roy's fridge.

"Yep." the Corporal, zipped up in one of the platoon's amphibian suits, leveling his height with that of his opponent's, nodded. "Now, _are you ready to do this?_"

_'Man, his is a race full of themselves.' _thought the Janitor, as he looked at the moon in the image of a Keronian's head. He then realized the Corporal had asked him a question. "I've been ready for this my whole life, Corporal."

"You had this idea not even fifteen minutes ago..."

"Just admit it. You _love _killing the drama, don't ya?"

The Corporal let loose a battle cry as he charged towards the custodian, who did the same, each hell-bent on achieving victory.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Sorry for not updating in two weeks. You would not **_**believe **_**the writer's block I faced with this chapter. Plus, I was also splitting my time working on an upcoming one that I'm really excited about. Fair warning, though, it may come across as a little ludicrous... but, then again, that word would adequately describe this whole story, now wouldn't it? Okay, until next time, dear readers, I bid you all adieu. **


	10. My Secret is Discovered

**CHAPTER 10:**

**"My Secret is Discovered and a Plan is Concocted"**

* * *

"I... I can't believe it..."

"Yeah, well, believe it."

"No... No... This is all just a bad dream... Yeah... I'll wake up any second now..."

"Out of all the times people have ever said that, when has that ever been the case? This is real. Be a man, deal with it."

"... How about double or nothing?"

"Nope."

"What's the matter, afraid you can't take me again?"

"Goading won't work, so quit wasting your breath. You lost. End of story."

"But... But... I was supposed to emerge victorious! I'm a fully trained soldier in the most fearsome army in the galaxy, and you're just a... a... _j__anitor!_" the Corporal wailed, trying his best not to enter a state much like Dororo's trauma switch.

"Yes. A janitor... with a _Knife-Wrench._" the custodian smirked, fondly patting the scabbard attached to his belt that said object rested in (wait - was that _always _there? If so, why didn't he place his little hand-held hybrid in that before instead of sliding it into his pocket? Would've spared himself a lot pai- you know what? Never mind. It's not like anyone gives a damn about continuity anymore, anyway. Jonathan Slavin is the hot new thing... and rightfully so).

The frog glared hot daggers at the sheath. Even with all his military experience, his artillery, and his heavy humidity-induced tripled strength, he had lost. _So close _to victory, s_o close _to reclaiming his precious journal... but then the Janitor whipped out that damn contraption of his, and... well... the rest is history.

Now, his only hope of regaining his freedom was finding the journal. Either that, or he would just have to wait until Kululu finally fixed the transuniversal traveller and sent this jerk back to his home world.

No. Giroro didn't know if he could survive being in the Janitor's power for that long. He needed to find that incriminating little log of his.

"Geez, you sure are blue for a red frog." the custodian commented.

The Corporal tore himself away from his thoughts to scowl at his new 'Master'. "Well excuse me if I'm not exactly jumping for joy over being your slave."

"Servant." the Janitor corrected. "But come now, Corporal, it won't be as bad as you think... _it'll be oh so much worse_."

"You truly are the epitome of evil itself."

"I know, right?"

"Frog, I hate you." the extraterrestrial toad muttered, massaging his temples in a desperate, but unsuccessful, attempt to alleviate his stress.

"What are you so mad at _me_ for? What did I ever do to you?"

"What did - _WHAT DID YOU EVER DO TO ME!?_", the frog shrieked in utter disbelief, "OH, GEE, I DON'T KNOW, HOW ABOUT BLACKMAILING ME INTO SLAVERY!?"

"_Servitude._ And technically, you're only in that position because you lost the duel", the custodian reminded him, "Besides, you brought this on yourself, anyway."

Giroro's jaw fell so low that he very nearly tripped over it. "AND JUST HOW THE **_F_**[bleep]**_K_** IS THIS ON _ME!?_"

"Easy. If you only had the guts to tell Natsumi how you felt about her, you wouldn't be in this predicament."

It was a miracle that the raw rage burning in the Corporal's heart didn't make the little toad explode on the spot. Sure, the Janitor had a good point, but that didn't mean the frog appreciated being called a coward. But, not wanting to get into yet another argument with the yutz, he opted to keep his mouth shut.

"So, what do you think would make for a good first punishment?" the custodian asked, as the two exited the basement.

"Huh?" Giroro confusedly muttered, catching the door that the Janitor had not bothered to hold open for him before it shut in his face.

"I was asking you if you had any ideas of what kind of hell I should make you endure." he explained. "Hey, your opinion is still valid." he said, in response to the questioning look the Keronian was giving him.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I don't really feel like thinking up ways to make myself miserable right now." the toad grumbled.

"Alright, fine then. If you don't want to brainstorm, then you can help me decide which of these two to use. I'm currently stuck between making you dress up like a nineteenth century showgirl, or having you eat a sack of manure."

Great. So now he had to choose between cross-dressing or ingesting dung? That was like deciding between either stepping on a land mine or being captured and tortured by the enemy.

But if there was one thing the Corporal was bent on keeping, it was his dignity. So, while this choice would be much more unbearable, at least it would be a whole hell of a lot less humiliating.

"Looks like we're going to make a trip to the garden supply shop." the frog wearily sighed.

"I'll get my coat." the Janitor grinned. "You know", he said, walking over to the coat rack and pulling on his jacket, "I wonder if this is the first time in history that something's going to leave a person looking the same as it came in."

At this, Giroro couldn't help but gag.

"I sure hope for your sake you don't start blowing chunks when you're chowing down on the fertilizer", the custodian commented, as he opened the front door, "Because you'll have to eat that shit all over agai-"

He stopped short as he came face-to-face with Aki, who was standing at the doorstep, her house key in hand and a look of pure shock on her face.

But... But she had said she wouldn't be back until nine! Ten at the most!

The Janitor glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight.

Had his and the Corporal's duel really taken all day long?

He turned back to Aki, who still stood gaping at him. "Fox", she said slowly, "... What happened to your accent?"

Oh, manure.

* * *

"So... 'Fox Beckwith' was just some character you created?... You were lying to me this _whole time?_" the Hinata mother asked in disbelief.

"Lying is such an _ugly _word... But, yeah."

"I... I can't believe this!" Aki shouted, though a little louder than she meant to.

"Once again, I can't express how deeply, deeply sorry I am for decieving you-"

"I don't want to hear it." she growled. This man had played her for a fool, and she was _not happy _about it. "I'm not looking for apologies; I'm looking for the _truth_."

The Janitor sighed and nodded. "Of course... what, um, would you like to know?"

"How about who you _really _are?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Alright...", he sighed again, "As you already know, my name isn't really 'Fox Beckwith'... It's actually... Ján... Ján Ĩtor... A custodian who used to work at a hospital in his home town of San DiFrangeles..."

Aki arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. "What?" he asked, as innocently as he could.

"_Ján Ĩtor?_"

"My pop was from Europe." he defended. Still looking unconvinced, he wearily sighed and pulled out his shirt so she could read his nametag. "See?"

"Why is it pushed together?" she asked, squinting at the tag.

"To, um... make room for the 'the'." he answered.

"Well, why is there even a 'the' there in the first place?"

"Because...", he muttered, sparks flying from the gears in his head spinning at full speed as he worked on fabricating an excuse, "... Because it was a nickname of mine. You know, like 'The Donald'."

_'Or 'The Todd'.' _he thought to himself, his mind wandering to that pansexual, high-fiving meathead of a surgeon back at Sacred Heart.

Much to his relief, she looked like she bought that load of bull. Unfortunately though, she did not look like she was ready to forgive him yet.

"Ma'am-"

"Don't." she growled, holding up her hand to silence him. "Please, it just reminds me of him...", she sighed, her anger subsiding, "... Just call me Aki, okay?"

"Okay... Aki." he said slowly. Calling her by her first name would take some getting use to. It didn't feel quite... _natural... _yet. "Please, you've got to understand why I did what I did. I was scared! Put yourself in my shoes. You've just been thrusted into a parallel universe, and then you meet a group of aliens bent on world domination. Forgive me if I didn't know I could trust you all at first!"

"... Were you ever planning on telling me the truth?"

"Honestly?... No. You had gotten so used to 'Fox', I didn't have the courage to tell you he wasn't real... that I was nothing but a fraud... This is embarrassing to admit, but... it was kind of... _exciting..._ getting to be some charming, interesting fellow from the backwoods of Dixieland... instead of... myself..." he wearily sighed, hanging his head, only for it to be tilted up by Aki's soft touch. The two locked eyes, and he noticed that hers, while still sad, were now also filled with sympathy.

Though with much difficulty, the custodian managed to suppress a smirk. It was almost too easy.

"Please, Aki, just give me another chance." he pleaded. "I've grown to love you all like a family. I promise if you let me stay, not another lie shall ever escape my lips." he lied.

She sighed, retracting her hand. "... Of course you can stay, Fo- er, Ján... After all... we've still got to get you back home." she softly smiled.

He returned the smile. "Thank you."

Deciding it would be best to let her have some time to herself, he got up to turn in for the night, but was stopped in his tracks when she uttered the infamous "_But..._"

'_Uh oh.' _

"... I don't really feel comfortable with you sleeping in my son's room anymore."

"... I completely understand..." he said, trying his hardest not to sound elated. Finally, he didn't have to spend his nights with that occult-obsessed geek anymore! "... So, uh, where would you feel more comfortable with me sleeping?"

Her eyes merely darted into the living room.

"Ah, the couch." he nodded. "I guess it serves as the resting place for men in the doghouse on this world, too."

He shot her a rather amused smirk that she couldn't help but return. "I'll go get you a pillow and some blankets." she said, stepping out of the kitchen.

After she was gone, the Janitor let his gaze drift to the sliding glass door. Giroro was tending to his fire, but the custodian could sense that the frog had been watching him and Aki out of the corner of his eye.

And while he didn't hear anything that was said between the two, the Corporal guessed from the Janitor's pleased expression that he had, like he had promised him earlier, lied his way out of trouble. He would've been more frustrated by this, but he had just come to except that the Janitor, matched with his guile and thespian talents, was able to finagle himself out of anything.

Well, at least he had been saved from the horrible fate of being the man's slave. He had made sure to address him as 'Master' when he bid him farewell, after Aki asked to speak with him in private. When questioned why he had called him that, the Janitor awkwardly explained about their little 'bet', but, not wanting to dig himself even deeper, said that it was just meant as a joke, and told him that he didn't really have to be his slave. The Corporal also made sure to ask the custodian if he had, by chance, seen where he had 'misplaced' his journal. And after giving him a glance that said 'Don't think I won't tell her', the Janitor went off and retrieved it for him.

The frog glanced down at the smoldering papers that lay within the flames. He had torn out every last page that declared his undying love for his warrior princess and tossed them into the same fire he had time and time again used for roasting her beloved sweet potatoes. And while their incineration erased any leverage that the Janitor had held over him, his spirits remained dampened.

When the papers were all but ash, the melancholy Corporal doused the flames. Fatigued from the duel, his lips involuntarily parted to let loose an exhausted yawn, and he decided to allow his body some much needed and well deserved rest. He then slipped into his tent for the night, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day then this one was.

Oh, if he only knew how wrong he was.

* * *

"Kululu! Hey, Kululu, open up!" the Janitor yelled, pounding on said individual's laboratory entrance. After Aki had gone to bed, he had snuck down into the depths of the platoon's base in order to pay a visit to his fiendish friend.

The custodian's eyes nearly bulged out of his skull when the same woman who had just went to bed not too long ago opened the door. But that wasn't the only shocking part. Oh no.

She was scantily clad in a vinyl corset, thong, a pair of stockings, and knee-high buckled boots, with a cat o' nine tails whip clutched in her right hand, strapped to one of her gloved wrists. She cocked her head, eying the man before her with curiosity. "Master", her somewhat stilted voice called back into the lab, "You have a visitor."

The Janitor heard what sounded like muffled speaking.

"Giroro, please remove Master's ball gag so as to undull his voice."

_Giroro!? _Wha - _**WHAT THE FROGGIN' HELL WAS GOING ON!?**_

"Thank you kindly, Corporal." the Janitor heard his devilish friend purr a moment later. "Aki, dear, step aside and let our guest through, won't you?"

Aki complied, letting the Janitor enter. The custodian gaped at the sight before him: Kululu, dressed in a mustard-colored, latex gimp suit, the spiked mask over his head reminding him of an inflated puffer fish, was on the wall, shackled by his limbs, while Giroro, wearing a four-piece leather harness set, along with a plague doctor's facepiece made out of the same material, stood by him, a red hot poker in one hand and a taser in the other.

"Will he be joining us, Master?" Giroro asked the immobile alien.

"No, I don't think so." Kululu softly chuckled. "But I would like to speak with him alone. Giroro, Aki, kindly power down."

The two nodded, reaching behind their backs and appearing to flip a switch. Their eyes suddenly became dark and lifeless, and the two stood frozen in their positions, like statues.

"Eh, hey." the Janitor awkwardly greeted his companion. "Sorry for interrupting... whatever the hell this is..." he mumbled, staring at the lifeless figures of Aki and Giroro with a mixture of amazement and horror. "Uh... Kululu?..." he started, but was unsure how to finish.

"They're sex bots." the frog explained, answering his silent question.

"Ahhh." the Janitor nodded, trying his best not to sound as disturbed as he was. _'Man, and I thought _Zeltzer_ was a perv.'_

"Say, Janitor, old boy, before we start the chit chat, would you mind helping me out of these?", Kululu asked, motioning his head towards his restraints, "I didn't have the heart to tell them that they were starting to cut off my circulation."

"Um... Yeah, sure." the custodian awkwardly agreed.

"You'll need the key." the Sergeant Major informed him.

"Okay... Where is it?"

"I believe my Aki-bot hid it... er... in her chestal area..." Kululu awkwardly chuckled. "But if you don't feel comfortable digging around in there with your hand, you could always use the prongs." he suggested, noticing how crimson his friend's face had become.

The Janitor looked to a small table besides Kululu, on which sat a number of devices that were normally only used by war interrogators. After he managed to spot the prongs (lord only knew what they were used for - and the Janitor greatly pitied him for having to carry around that knowledge), he uncomfortably retrieved the key and freed the frog.

"So, Janitor, what brings you by?" the little sadomasochist questioned, as he tenderly rubbed his abraded wrists, trying to get the blood coursing again.

"Well, Aki - the _real _Aki - discovered a certain yokel's true identity."

Kululu's playfulness instantly vanished at this. "What?"

"Not to worry, she isn't kicking me out or anything", he assured him, "I was able to beguile myself more or less back into her good graces. By the way, my name's now Ján Ĩtor."

Kululu smirked at this, his humor returning to him. "She actually bought that?"

"Hey, what can I say? I can be _very _convincing."

Kululu chuckled. "Oh, you devious scoundrel, you."

"That's not the only thing, though."

"Oh?"

"I was hoping we could spitball some ideas to make the Corporal's life a living nightmare from which there is no waking."

"While I am always up for that", Kululu smirked, "I'm a tad confused. Don't you already have the means to do so? You did get his journal, didn't you?"

"Well, I did... but I kinda... had to give it back to him..."

"_What?_"

And so the Janitor explained how he confronted the Corporal earlier, and how that led to a duel, and how he accidentally revealed his true identity to Aki, and how Giroro used this against him to get his journal back.

"... That journal was the most damning piece of evidence of his love for Natsumi... So, unfortunately, blackmailing is now out of the picture." the yellow devil sighed.

"Well, hold on. I know for a fact that you have cameras planted all over the premises-"

"I just like to keep a close eye on the people I care about", the scientist waggishly defended, "By the way, _love _your ink, old boy. Kukukuku!"

"Okay, blowing past the Tom Peepery", the Janitor continued, another red hue coloring his cheeks, "With all those cams, surely you've captured some proof of the torch the Corporal carries for her, right? Like their little meals by firelight in the yard, or the way he's always swooning like a southern belle when she's around."

"Of course. _I capture everything_", Kululu affirmed, with a bit too much intensity for the custodian's comfort, "But it wouldn't do any good to show her the footage when she's already experienced it first hand and is _still_ blind as a bumpkin who overdid the moonshine to it."

"Great, so our scheme is unsalvageable." the custodian sighed, before giving himself a good face-palm a second afterwards. "Aw, man! And I just remembered, I was going to take him down here so you two could suck face! But I was so excited after the duel, my mind was distracted by other ways to torment the crap outta him, like by sticking him in a dress... or by actually forcing crap into him..."

"Giroro in a dress would've been interesting", Kululu mused, "Could've gotten the best of both worlds there..."

"I'm so sorry, buddy. If I had only stuck to my original plan and came straight here after I vanquished him, Aki wouldn't have found out about me, our diabolical plan wouldn't have gone down the tube, and right now you and the Corporal would've been swapping spit. Although, I maintain that I will forever be blind to what you see in him. I mean, truth be told, out of your little squad, that masked flower child is the one who'll turn the most heads, but still."

"Don't worry about it." Kululu assured him, with a weak little smile. "While I do bemoan not being able to tongue wrestle with that trigger-happy tearaway, his robotic counterpart has proven to be an adequate substitute." he said, strolling over to his pleasure droid and caressing its cheek. The Janitor couldn't help but shudder. "... But back to the matter at hand", the alien continued, "We've got to focus on coming up with another way to torment our dear Corporal."

"Couldn't agree more."

"Obviously, Natsumi is his Achilles' heel. So we know _what_ to use against him. The only question is _how_ now."

And so, the two sat in silence, racking their brains, until the Janitor suddenly exclaimed "I think I've got it!", a crafty look planted on his mug.

"I'm listening." Kululu grinned, excitement bubbling in his chest. What had that equally wicked mind conjured up?

"Well, I think it's safe to say that the Corporal doesn't like your gray-haired little pal very much."

"Saburo, yes. He sees - well, _saw _- him as a rival for Natsumi's love."

"Exactly. So, I was thinking, the Corporal has had a big weight lifted off of him. With that pansy engaged to hipster Snow White, there's no more competition, right? But... what if we changed that?"

Kululu's grin widened. "Are you suggesting...?"

"What if someone else were to happen to fall head-over-heels for his crush?"

"I like where you're going with this..."

"Me too. And I'm guessing, she doesn't even really need to like this person back. Just as long as Giroro thinks someone else is after Natsumi's heart, he'll be none too pleased."

"You're correct in your assumptions. Frog knows, I love him to death, but that brooding idiot will seethe with jealously if someone just _looks _at Natsumi in a way he doesn't approve of."

"The lovesick fool." the Janitor mumbled, grinning to himself as he shook his head in amusement.

"So, we have a plan now. But one question remains: who will play the role of Natsumi's new admirer?"

"Frankly, anyone we damn well want to. I'm guessing a genius like you has a few tricks up your sleeve to bend people to your will? Maybe through some kind of mind control device...?"

"_Maybe..._"

"Excellent." the custodian muttered, tenting his fingertips.

"So, shall we begin our trek to search for Natsumi's new wooer, then?"

"Actually", the Janitor flashed a devilish smile, "I already had someone in mind..."

* * *

Cloaked in his anti-barrier, a young little Keronian with skin almost as dark blue as the night itself crept along the streets of Tokyo.

_'I wonder why Sarge wants to meet me at this hour.' _the frog pondered. Not but thirty minutes ago, the platoon leader whom he so strongly coveted had sent him a text message, setting up a rendezvous in the alley wedged between Señor Chen's Taco Hut and Madam Akuma's Mystical Emporium. However, what struck the Private as strange was the way he had he signed it.

Those two final words of the message still made his stomach feel like it was housing thousands of butterflies.

He had signed it **'Love, Sarge.'**

Could it be that he had discovered that he had feelings for the Private that the tadpole had felt for him all these years, and needed to confess them?

Tamama certainly hoped so.

But the unbearable suspense would soon be over, as he finally arrived at the shadow-drenched alleyway. "Sarge?" he called out into the darkness. "Mister Sergeant, I-I got your text!"

No reply.

"Sarge?", Tamama called out again, starting to get a little worried, "Are you there?"

"No, I'm afraid he's not." a cold, malicious voice responded, as a lanky silhouette ambled into view. "Hello, _Snickers snacker_."

Suddenly, the little frog felt something sharp pierce his neck. A yelp of pain escaped his lips, before he grabbed ahold of whatever it was and yanked it out. His eyes widened in horror as he held out his hand and saw a tranquillizer dart laying in his palm.

His eyes slowly drifted to the back of his head as he crumpled to the ground, slipping into the deep abyss of unconsciousness.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**Finally, after more than a month and a half, I have updated!**

**Sorry that this chapter took so long to post. You see, I stopped updating because I discovered that this story had so, so, _so _many things that needed to be fixed, ranging from spelling errors, badly phrased words/sentences, out of character moments, a few factual errors, one or two words used in the wrong context and some stuff that... just didn't make sense.**

**During the majority of _A Guest Most Unwelcome_'s hiatus, I was rereading and editing this little piece of work over and over and over (and over and over and over and over and over and over...) again to correct aforementioned mistakes, as well as to improve some things that I felt needed improving. Unfortunately, I know that there are probably still a lot of mistakes that I didn't catch (and I'm afraid that this will be the case for every chapter that I post). ****I am trying to get myself a beta reader to help me out with this, but so far, the ones I have contacted have not e-mailed me back. Rest assured, though, this story will continue onward (however, I wouldn't expect another chapter for quite a while. Sorry, guys).**


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